Catfish Recap: A Model, Idiot.

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Friday, February 1, 2013 | 12:00 pm | 25 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Catfish, Recaps

When they finally reach each other, Rico gets his flowers and they kiss.  They come back over to Nev, Max and the picnic tables.  Apparently this park is right on a beach because Ja’mari explains that his family came to this beach a lot while he was growing up, and they had a lot of problems, but they always felt united at this beach and that’s why he wanted to meet here.  Okay, that’s a nice story, or it could be that where he lives isn’t exactly model-appropriate.  He tells Rico that he has some confessions to make.  No way!  First of all, his name isn’t Ja’mari, it’s James.  Also he doesn’t drive a Mercedes (you don’t say!) and  he doesn’t have his own place.  He’s 22 and lives with his mom.  Oh and he’s not a model.  He’s a bus driver.  So actually when he’s told Rico he’s “on the road,” he really has been on the road, so to speak.  So it wasn’t a total lie, see?  And he wants Rico to give him the weekend to show him that it’s not about material things, it’s about the two of them.  Fine, but isn’t Ja’mari the one who’s made it about material things by lying about all of that?  Rico wants to start the conversation over.  So Ja’mari’s not a model of any kind?  JAMES says no, but he DOES take nice pictures of himself.  HA HA HA!  And about the fake name?  James had gone through a lot and wanted to distance himself from his troubles, so he started going by something else.  Rico wants some time to think about everything – as per the usual catfish episode timelime.  He goes to smoke a cigarette and Nev sits down with James.  James says he never wanted things to happen this way and he blames himself.  But there was just never a good time to tell Rico the truth, you know? IN THREE YEARS!  We’ve heard this story before, James.  It’s bogus.  There were plenty of times to tell the truth.

Back at the hotel, Nev and Rico google James.  The real James, not Ja’mari.  What they find is a police record.

Nev:  “So here we can just Google Image Search his mugshot and voila!“

Apparently James stole three different buses and drove them around on their routes.  So he impersonated a bus driver.  Rico says that’s psychotic.  Who puts on a bus driver’s uniform and drives buses around then brings them back?  Just now James calls Nev’s phone.  Nev tells James that they found the bus driving story online and James says that it’s all bull, and that he “won that case.”  Nev says no one knows what to believe since James has proven himself to be a liar.  James just wants a chance to win Rico over in person, so they decide to get together in about a half hour.  Rico says he will hear James out.

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

25 Comments

  1. 1
    EmWynn
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    “Rico stands up to walk over to him and they both proceed toward each other down what seems like the longest sidewalk in the world.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one watching that scene and thinking this! :)

    Thanks for the (as always) awesome recap!

  2. 2
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    My first thought was that James has a bus fetish.
    I think he really did steal the buses, because becoming a bus driver after traumatically spending two years in jail for being wrongfully accused of impersonating a bus driver? That’s like Andy Dusfrene escaping and becoming a hit man.
    He knows he stole that damn bus, and just used his time in prison to legitimize his fetish so he could practice it in the open. A voyeuristic bus fetishist, that’s what he is.

    Rico was cute as a button though. lol at his tight ass plaid shorts.
    His butt looked so round in those things.

  3. 3
    Cheergirl
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    I was rooting for them in the end because they seemed to be the most normal people to ever be shown on that show

  4. 4
    Pinklotus
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 5:40 am

    His explanation for how he was blamed for the bus incident was definitely fishy. Someone stole buses, and he was blamed because he petitioned for a bus route 4 years earlier? Um, no. I doubt it.
    But I actually kind of liked him. I was happy that Rico gave him a chance.

  5. 5
    badgerfreak
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 9:06 am

    These last two episodes have definitely been the craziest of the season, plot-wise. You can’t even make this shit up! Rico seemed like a legit guy, and I felt sorry for him that he got deceived. I thought it was interesting that this was the first openly gay relationship, instead of it being a straight person being tricked by a gay person. If they’re happy together, bully for them!

  6. 6
    darlingclementine
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Well that was interesting… still despite all of the other stuff it has been the only episode where the person actually looks like the person they say they are! It also seemed that even though he had a “fake” name, that was what he was going by for a while and his real friends used that facebook account.

    But yeah he totally stole that bus. As @chaosbutterfly said, dude has a bus fetish. I dont want to know what he does on the bus when he takes it back to the garage…

    I used to have a friend that would actually accept odd friend requests and believe that the people he was talking to were “models”… even though all of the chick’s friends were random men. I remember watching them facebook chat and trying to get him to stop but he loved it. I think to some people it doesnt matter whats real or not they just want to believe it anyway.

    I suspect the next ep will be insane and result in a brawl or something due to the record amount of love shown in this ep.

  7. 7
    Valleygirl
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    My fave part was when Max was all \He didn’t even show up on google image search!\ Like if the almighty google search can’t find you, they literally don’t know what to do. Haha. It killed me.
    I think out of all the Catfishes, the bus driver story was the weirdest damn thing I’ve ever heard. And we’ve had faux Swedish transgenders on vampire freaks y’all.

  8. 8
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    James was waaaaaay too “Miss Jay” for my taste.

  9. 9
    She Stinks!
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    James has a bus fetish, but Nev has a fetish for his own feet, even in this show he’s always rubbing and diddling his feet. Gross.

    Rico couldn’t of figured out that this guy wasn’t a model? He doesn’t know how to google? I loved how Nev puts the pieces together, like he’s with Marg Helgenberger on a CSI rerun. Hysterical. Its like he solved the Kennedy assassination.

  10. 10
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    Have you guys seen the SNL sketch? Funny! Especially the take on Nev..

  11. 11
    mere2142
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    That sketch is awesome. I love Max in it! And they even got the weird aide door thing.

  12. 12
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    I should add that this parody is much, much funnier:

  13. 13
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    I want so badly to like the SNL one but they have the music all wrong…..that and I refuse to like anything that involves Adam Levine.

  14. 14
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Plus, they totally missed out on the chest hair. Not only is the chest hair present in the 2nd video, it’s hashtagged. #Nev’schesthair

    Both videos spoof Max so hard, I almost feel bad. Then I giggle.

  15. 15
    Gilty Plezzur
    Posted February 3, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Another TVgasm recap that has led me to watching a show I wouldn’t have ordinarily watched. I finally broke myself of the Toddlers and Tiaras habit, and now I have Catfish to take its place. Damn. Anyway, Rico is a hot baby boy and can do much better than J’mari, who looks sort of like a younger, better-looking Flavor Flav. I kept hoping Rico would choose to stay in the UK and find himself a hot Brit and a modeling career there. If I were him, I ‘d rather have somebody tell tall tales to me in a sexy British accent. Changing the subject, what is the point of Max? I mean, why have somebody filming somebody filming somebody?

  16. 16
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 7:50 am

    On Max’s facebook, there are pictures of J’Mari and Rico chilling at the beach.
    It also appears that Nev removed his tramp stamp because he’s wearing some tiny ass trunks and it’s nowhere to be found.

  17. 17
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 8:05 am

    Oh yeah, and I found the story about the bus:
    http://www.metrojacksonville.com/forum/index.php?topic=2857.0

    He 100% stole those buses.
    The drivers he befriended know his face and he called to turn himself in.
    He also has a fetish, because he was making out with a man on the bus.

  18. 18
    annie annie
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 9:24 am

    @chaos…..LMAO thanks for that link! James sure does like the double dutch bus!!!!!
    Goddamn it, there’s ALWAYS a catch with this show. Just when I think they found a decent person who only told a few white lies, turns out homeboy has a criminal bus fetish.

    I live in Albuquerque, and a few months back we had a meth-head steal a school bus, drive it down the wrong-side of the freeway……..while naked. Very talented.

  19. 19
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Uh, if somebody spent two years wrongly accused in jail and successfully cleared their name, wouldn’t there be a news story about said person clearing said name?

  20. 20
    labowner
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Yes you would think Judgy, but like retractions they are usually not celebrated as much because then someone would have to admit they fucked up and society has accepted zero personal responsibility as a mantra. That is what disturbs me about this show – doesn’t matter what you do, how badly you treated someone, lied etc as long as you apologize in the end, all is forgiven.

  21. 21
    labowner
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Chaos from another article about the bus theft –

    Believe it or not, this is not the first time such an incident has occurred in Florida.

    A couple of years ago in Orlando, a young boy stole a bus and then drove it along its route picking up passengers and collecting fares.

    15-year-old Ritchie Davis took the LYNX public transit service bus from an auction site parking lot. Authorities noted that the bus was being driven at normal speeds, making all of its regular stops along the route. One of the passengers that the boy picked up became suspicious of his youthful appearance and called police.

    “I drove that bus better than most of the LYNX drivers could,” the teen told a deputy after his arrest. “There isn’t a scratch on it. I know how to start it, drive it, lower it, raise it.”

    In a remarkable coincidence, after arresting Davis, authorities discovered that he was already on probation for a similar bus theft. Earlier in the year, he had stolen a tour bus and driven passengers around without any incident.

    Davis was charged with grand theft auto and driving without a license.

    Gotta love Floridiots.

  22. 22
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    @labowner, but you also have to keep in mind that the people getting duped have zero self-respect, so of course they accept apologies from liars and their half-baked reasons as to why they lie.

  23. 23
    labowner
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Yep and narcissistic as well Derek.

  24. 24
    rebecca pressley
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    Damn Queers

  25. 25
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Nev (or whoever manages the catfish facebook page) is mentally ill. About James and Rico, here’s what was written on there about this episode:

    “This past week’s episode only proved how powerful and surprising love can be.
    ‘Like’ this if you’ve ever been caught off-guard by a secret admirer.’

    ….is this real life? Or just fantasy?
    Because these people are not secret admirers, they are liars, psychos, confused as hell or just plain old fucked up. And apparently, bus fetishists!!
    This show is gonna have people thinking that it’s okay to catfish others as long as you apologize (somewhat) in the end.

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