Catfish Recap: Big Issues

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Thursday, November 29, 2012 | 12:08 am | 19 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Catfish, Recaps

Kim calls and asks Matt what he’s up to and he tells her that he’s playing his XBox in his underwear.  See, now this would almost concern me more than his refusal to skype.  By all appearances it is broad daylight, and Matt is, we are told, a full grown adult man.  Why is he not at work?  Am I getting ahead of myself?  Perhaps it is Sunday morning or something.  Whatever the explanation, no one seems in the least bit concerned that this is how Matt is passing the time, so let’s move on.   Matt says something about promising Kim that they would probably someday meet… eventually… maybe.  But he loves her and they’ll talk soon.  Weird!  

Nev and Max head off to dig deeper into the mystery that is Matt using their Google sleuthing skills.  Right now the main questions seem to be:  What on earth does Matt look like?  What on earth is going on with Kim’s real life boyfriend?  And what on earth does Matt do all day?  At least those are my questions.  Everyone else only seems concerned with the first one.  Nev and Max get back onto Facebook and surprise, surprise, Matt’s profile is not set to private.  So we get to see a bunch of new pictures that Kim hasn’t seen or didn’t show us.  Most of them are closeups of his face, so there’s nothing shocking (no forehead arm).  One picture is one of those motivational posters that says “Fatherhood” on it and Matt has tagged the father in the picture as himself.  There are also pictures of a baby so the guys begin to speculate as to whether Matt has a child he’s kept secret.  Next they Google Matt’s full name and find a website with a bunch of self-produced songs by none other than Matt.  They play one that is of the rap or hip hop genre and it sounds like he’s put it together on his computer.  The songs have parental advisory warnings next to them and it sounds like he’s shouting a lot of f-bombs.  Well, I guess that’s at least time not spent playing his XBox.  Nev describes Matt’s music as angry, aggressive and derogatory – qualities Kim may not appreciate.  Next they find a profile for Matt on an online dating site which clearly states that he would like to meet women.  The guys conclude that there is much that Matt is keeping from Kim and they wonder what he is getting out of all of this.    

Time to report back to Kim and let her know what has been dug up.  She has no knowledge of any children and is not impressed with Matt’s music.  She also seems a bit put out when she sees the online dating profile.  I guess only real-life extra significant others are allowed in this e-romance.  Kim decides it’s time to tell Nev about her past.  Uh oh, there’s a story here. 

Kim: “Nev, get comfortable.  This is a doozy.”

Nev:  “I am here for you, my friend.”

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

19 Comments

  1. 1
    lindaw205
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 4:09 am

    Well, I think Nev is an idiot and shouldn’t be giving this kind of advice to anyone. I mean, WTH, telling her that there would be another Steve someday? I certainly hope not!

  2. 2
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 6:07 am

    God I love your recaps because you literally take the words out of my mind every time. I thought Kim took two years after Steve’s death “doing her” and getting over it, but it’s amazing how that became the top priority again when she clearly wasn’t physically attracted to Matt. I highly doubt that would have been the result if she had been. At least she really committed to not looking superficial and broke up with the other guy. I feel no compassion for obese people who complain about being fat but do nothing to change it (although his afternoon X-Box playing might be a modified version of that), but my heart actually kind of broke for the kid if he’s being proactive about losing weight. It annoyed me that her disappointment was so apparent, given that she’s “not a waif herself” (right?!) and admitted to gaining 125 lbs at one point. We all have our dark ages, Kim.

    Then again, he did have a handful of years to tell her about this slight problem and didn’t. What a pickle.

  3. 3
    Honeybee
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I am so glad this show is being recapped by Honey Gangsta; because you are so on the nose about everything.

    It was more than evident that she was turned off by Matt. The look on her face as he came down the stairs screamed …OMG…that can’t be the man I declared my love for…. Like the other episodes, I am annoyed by the fact that these people allow their imaginations to build up these so-called relationships as something they are not. That this is their soul mate or something. News Flash, if you have never actually spent a solid moment with someone in real life, its not real. People can say or be whomever they want from behind a computer screen.

    Also Nev, and his resolve to be the nice guy is really irksome. Stop trying to justify the behavior of the liars. It does not make it okay and it only sends the wrong message to people who may currently be doing it.

  4. 4
    mere2142
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I was soooo pissed at this episode. I was feeling sad for Matt and that is not why I watch this crap. I want shallowness!

    And don’t even get me started on Nev. As it’s been pointed out, these online relationships are typically built on a solid foundation of lies and bullshits. Why would you want to carry on a friendship with someone who likes for you. For a decade! Granted Matt’s lies paled in comparison to some of the others, but still Nev’s insistence on continuing these relationships is idiotic.

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 10:52 am

    What happened to MTV? Thank you Mere. I was thinking the same thing. If I want uplifting stuff, I’ll watch Extreme Home Makeover (well until the cynic in me starts thinking of the increased property taxes and how that has a ripple effect on all other houses etc).

    I hope for Matt’s sake he keeps losing the weight. If not he will be dead sooner than later. But I don’t understand how one gets that large and why, in this case, mom allows it?

    Are they just assuming what Kim and the others say is true? Do they Google these people as well before Nev meets them? Is Kim’s story true about the suicide?

    Kim, you are very close to Grand Rapids a pretty large city with lots of people. Not sure why you are clinging to the small town crap.

    Honey thanks for the great recap.

  6. 6
    mere2142
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I’m super bummed no one is recapping Teen Mom 2 this time around (here that Flipit!) :-)

    Janelle and her wanting her lawyer to delay her jail sentence for violating her probation so she can go to a Kesha concert (because of course Kesha is her hero!) is pure MTV gold!

  7. 7
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    @mere, Teen Mom 2 is on my screen right now and I was JUST THINKING THAT. Hell, I’ll do it!!

  8. 8
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I don’t think Matt lived with his parents. His apartment seemed very guy in his 20s-ish to me. I was under the impression his mom and sister showed up, while they were driving around.

    I felt bad for Matt. You could tell he knew exactly what the problem was, and knew Kim was full of crap.

  9. 9
    mere2142
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    @Judgy

    I bet they can copy and paste most of the recaps from last season.

    Adam commits to Chelsea and she is over the moon. Adam fucks Chelsea over 5 minutes later. Randy continues to give Chelsea money in which she uses to buy herself and her baby endless amounts of leopard print clothing.

    Kail’s a bitch, totally wants Joe but is stringing Jordan along until Joe dumps his flavor of the week. Also, she whines a lot.

    Janelle smokes pot, gets arrested, smokes more pot, Barbara yells. A lot. (I’m just waiting for the re-emergence of Keifer in this story line!) I wish someone could explain to me why Janelle’s lawyer doesn’t tell her what a fucking moron she is! Like requesting a stay of jail time to go to a concert is a normal activity in this dudes life?

    Maybe we should tag-team it Judgy!

  10. 10
    caligal
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    @Judgy…I agree about some of the lack of regular recaps. No Teen Mom 2? What happened to Flipping Out? It seems like this site has let a lot of shows go. I’m very disappointed.

  11. 11
    keebler elf
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    weird matt lives in the same town as me…its not that big of a place so im surprised ive never seen him around

    i wish someone was recapping teen mom 2, i cant watch it cause jenelle makes me want to jump through the tv and punch her in the face

  12. 12
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    @mere BAHAHAHAHA. You’re so right. Seeing it in writing makes me feel even sadder for myself, because I still watch. And would still read recaps.

    @caligal I always thought it was just me, but that’s because I don’t watch/know 90% of the shows recapped on my own accord. 666 Park Avenue? I literally do not know what that is.

    @keebler elf #1. I lived in Vancouver from kindergarten – 3rd grade and always get so excited when I’m randomly connected to people on TV through places I’ve lived. Matt is just slightly younger than me so I can’t help but wonder if I went to school with him. #2. I agree with you about Jenelle. She has the looks and is scrappy so if she had her shit together I feel like she could rule the world, but instead she chooses to self-destruct.

  13. 13
    Flipit Flipit
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 12:49 am

    Teen Mom was just assigned so hold tight. It’s gonna be worth it! Sorry for the wait.

  14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Ask and you shall receive! Thanks Flipit!

    And thanks for your Catfish recaps HG! Hopefully next week we’ll be back to the shallowness and ridiculousness I’ve come to love from this show!

  15. 15
    darlingclementine
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    just want to say that Alto, MI is kind of near me and DAMN that is a small town. Like google that there is nothing there and nothing even somewhat near it. I actually haven’t even heard of it before I saw people posting on my facebook that this girl was from nearby.

    anyway back to the recap…

  16. 16
    annie annie
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I lived in Michigan for 2.5 years (LOVED IT by the way) and I was amazed at how many tiny towns there are, spread around the whole state…..and I am from a small town, myself. I always thought, what the hell do people do here? Work at the Ice Cream Caboose, apparantly.

    Matt seemed like a total sweetheart, I am very happy he is doing something positive with his life, and I hope he meets a nice girl soon, because Kim doesnt know what the hell is going on.

    Also, I got the impression Matt lived alone and his family just came over. There’s Star Wars figures or some shit in his entertainmet center.

  17. 17
    Valleygirl
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    How bitchy was Kim for judging him by how much he weighed?? I mean wow. The only ep that’s really pulled my heart strings was Trina’s. Like I know her priorities were warped but that girl was genuinely heartbroken and her dreams were so shattered.

    @annie I always read your comments in Butters’ voice in my head. Lol I’ve been meaning to tell you that. And I saw that Star Wars shit too, I can’t imagine someone’s mom letting them keep that there.

  18. 18
    annie annie
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    @valleygirl….HAHAHA I never thought of that :) good ol’ Butters. From now on I will make sure my posts are extra raunchy so it will be in sweet Butters’ voice, lol.

    And yes, I do agree Kim was a jerk! I was hoping it would be an internet match made in heaven, but nope.
    I give Matt a ton of credit for putting himself out there finally, and being honest about his weight struggles and how he felt. That’s not easy!

  19. 19
    darco
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    I think Kim and Matt should be together. At first I was really disappointed in Kim for rejecting Matt because of his weight (especially since she has a weight problem herself, albeit not as serious as Matt’s) but in the end it might be for the best – the rejection could be the thing that spurs Matt to make some healthy lifestyle changes, and if he can go from being dangerously obese to just being overweight, it will make for better long-term health. Then, maybe they can be together in the future, or at least that’s my hope. I don’t buy Kim’s BS at all that she ‘needs time to heal.’

    Anyway, this episode had a lot of touching scenes, and I think it was one of the better episodes of the season. And, on a side note, I love that they used Sydney Wayser’s “Dream It Up” during the scene when Nev and Max Skype with Kim for the first time as she tells them about her online romance with Matt, I though it was a great song to use as a subtle tie-in with the episode.

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