Catfish Recap: Ghetto Fabulous

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Thursday, December 6, 2012 | 6:00 am | 28 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Catfish, Recaps

He tried to call her once from New York on a business trip, but the service was bad and they got disconnected.  But she has a phone full of text messages!  Nev asks if Jasmine has considered that Mike is not exactly who he says he is.  Nev!  How dare you?  Jasmine says she’s quite confident that he’s who he says he is, but she IS worried that he might still be involved with his kids’ mother.  Nev and Max have heard enough.  They hug Jasmine goodbye and drive away discussing the great probability that this guy is total crap.

They arrive at their bed and breakfast to begin their intense Google investigation.  First off, the Government Central Model School is a regular school (like for children) in Pakistan.  It is not a government-run modeling agency here in the US.  Oops.  So either a) Mike has mistagged his employer and failed to notice, b) Mike listed what he thought sounded like a modeling agency in order to trick people (and he is intellectually challenged), or c) Mike is a school-aged child living in Pakistan who has listed his actual school, but lied about everything else.  Ha ha ha!  Take your pick, Jasmine!  Which of those would be less horrifying?

“So are we booking a flight to Pakistan?”

Nev and Max scroll through Mike’s public Facebook page and notice some messages on his wall from a girl named CeAnna, so they shoot her a message asking if she’d be willing to talk to them.  Of course that is no problem and CeAnna immediately sends her phone number.  Right.  If I got some sketchy Facebook message from someone wanting to ask me questions about my friend there is no way I would even respond.  Oh and also, the guys have Google image searched Mike’s picture and landed on another Facebook page with the exact same profile picture, but the guy’s name is Tyler Jackson.  When they call CeAnna, CeAnna says that she went to school with Mike, that the guy in the pictures is actually Mike, and that Mike is engaged with two children.  Oh and feel free to call her back if they think of any other questions.  She doesn’t mind at all!  That’s very convenient.

Nev and Max are pretty baffled, but they think that probably the reason Mike won’t talk on the phone is because of his fiance.  Yeah, that would do it.  Why didn’t they ask CeAnna about the Government Model School?  Is that where she and Mike attended school together? Does she know where Mike actually does work?  Quick – call her back!  But instead they focus on one of Mike’s Facebook friends whose name is Triggs.  Triggs is a rapper/singer/songwriter.  Heard of him?  No?  Oh, maybe Mike represents him!  So many possibilities.  Next they call Mike’s number, but they just get a message saying the party can’t be reached and will be notified of the call.  Click.  No opportunity to even leave a voicemail.  That’s not professional.  It’s certainly not a positive representation of the Government Central Model School.  So they shoot him a text to see if he can talk and he responds that he can text.  

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

28 Comments

  1. 1
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    “This is not an upscale situation here.”
    OMG OMG OMG. I love your recaps.

    I don’t get it. I’ve been angry and jealous over things that have happened (or not happened) in my relationships, but I just don’t have the time or energy to spend two years pretending to be someone else online. That’s just plain mean. These people need to get a little self-esteem, bless their hearts.

  2. 2
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Oh sure, you can make any spelling cooler with a silent letter. My name is Ankdreza. The K and the Z are silent.

    Yeah, who doesn’t lose interest in something like this after 2 months, let alone 2 YEARS? Perhaps Mhissy needs to add mental illness to her laundry list of troubles. Also, didn’t she admit to being CeAnna? Does anybody remember what CeAnna’s picture looked like? If she used a real one, wouldn’t Jasmine notice her arch nemesis was friends with her text message lover?

  3. 3
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Each time I see this show I become more and more disillusioned with humanity. This particular episode takes the cake. The guy lives 15 minutes away and this girl is perplexed as to how they haven’t yet met?? The investigations Nev does are pretty much standard fare for anyone who’s involved in an online relationship, particularly one that someone has questions about or just a creepy spidey sense feeling about. Or just a shred of doubt! WHY do these people believe and justify every word coming through a computer and/or text from a virtual stranger?? This one is especially bad because the “guy” lives so close. I could stalk that “guy” out in 5 minutes, figure out his exact address, and start watching his place, and come up with a positive ID in a day. WTF? Why don’t these people do anything to look into these situations??? I’m just so baffled.

    OK observations: when Mhissy (the H is silent LOL) first walked out my first thought was “OMG Mike’s a drag queen! That’s the big reveal!” Then when it all came together I was just sad. That poor Mhissy (the H is silent) is clearly extremely disturbed. All other issues aside, when will girls realize if their man is talking to another woman it’s the damned man’s fault, and an issue HE has to deal with and eliminate if he’s going to be faithful? Removing a symptom wont solve the problem… if she’s so worried about Jasmine talking to her man, distracting Jasmine wont solve that, if her man is screwing around he’ll just find someone else.

    Sigh. This show is making me truly believe in the ignorance of humanity. BUT, I can’t stop watching it! I saw an interview with Nev were he said there will be shows with happy endings. We’ll see I guess.

  4. 4
    Honey Gangsta Honey Gangsta
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 9:42 am

    LOL, TurtleGirl. Thanks for the love!

    And Judgy – YES! I actually had a sentence explaining about CeAnna’s voice that somehow didn’t make it into the final draft, duh. I’m thinking the CeAnna picture was fake, but who knows? Mhissy wasn’t exactly the master of creating believable fake profiles – unless you are Jasmine. Ankdreza! HAHAHAHAAA!

    Love you guys!
    -HG

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Wow no consequences for your actions is all this show is about. The most disturbing thing is this chick is a mother – where in the fuck is the father of that child?

    Honey – thanks for watching so I don’t have to.

  6. 6
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

    @Honey Gangsta: I don’t watch the show, but I’ve been stalking your recaps weekly – HI-LAR-IOUS!

    @labowner: Even worse, someone thought Mhissy should be given custody of a child. Yeah, Jasmine gave birth, but no one outside the situation had a say in it. In Mhissy’s case, some impartial judge saw fit to let her legally adopt her sister’s kid.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Pope – hopefully someone will send this episode to the CFS or whatever it is called in Georgia and they reverse the decision. Only problem then who steps up or does the kid go into foster care. Where is this baby’s daddy? Ugh is it too early to start drinking?

    She was screwing someone while thinking she was in like with a stranger online? It frightens me such stupidity is procreating.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

    The joke is on Mhissy while she is caught up trying to make sure Jasmine isn’t talking to her man her man is probably out screwing everything under the sun.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

    “Oh also, apparently Mhissy also has a past with Triggs. It is unclear which lady was dating him first, but they clearly don’t appreciate each other’s presence on the planet.”

    Too bad they didn’t break into a Brandy/Monica duo and start singing The Boy is Mine.

  10. 10
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    What would Mhissy have done if Jasmine hadn’t contacted Nev? Was she just going to keep it going? Does she really not have anything better to do with her time?

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    When I watched the show it was funny. Reading it just seemed really sad. It’s sad that Mhissy has nothing else going on in her life that she kept this going for two years.

    I couldn’t understand the mall meeting like did they work at the mall? Did they have mutual friends and met at the food court? Why are we not mad at Triggs? Seems as if he played the both of you ladies.

    Who wears a dress like that in the middle of the day? Why was Mhissy’s wig so orange? I wish women of color would realize that unless you are Nikki Minaj or Lady GaGa and you do this for a living, orange hair and orange makeup is not your friend.

  12. 12
    sardini
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Okay, I met my husband online in 2005. Even back then, with primitive stalking devices like MySpace and (hehe) Friendster, I was able to figure out his deal in like 2 days. We met on an industry forum and started PMing eachother about how douche-tastic the other members were. Seriously, that’s how I met my husband. Once we became friends on Facebook, that was it. Like he would tell me he was going to his grandma’s birthday, and then his cousin would tag him in a picture at his grandma’s birthday. No shady nonsense. If there was, I would’ve been out after a day or two.

  13. 13
    annie annie
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    TOATS thought Mhissy was a Dhrag Quheen when she first came out! THAT would have been a better twist than a psychopath playing games with this girl for two years…..all over some guy who probably cheated .4 seconds into their relationship anyway.

    And now she has adopeted her neice. What a heartwarming story, yaaaaaay…..cough cough, NOT!

    @classy drunk..you forgot to mention Mhissy’s orange/pink eyebrows.

  14. 14
    keebler elf
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    i think i cried laughing throughout most of this recap & from reading the comments

  15. 15
    Valleygirl
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Ok, I’m going to sound like an asshole, but don’t these people ever wonder why an attractive person would have a need to find people on the Internet? Like didn’t Sunny think RJ was too hot for that? Scorpio even? And I highly doubt that Tyler guy from the pics has a hard time finding people to date, and if he did use the net to date, he probably wouldn’t have picked Jasmine. Maybe I’m just shallow but realistically these couples wouldn’t happen.
    On the other hand Jasmine and Sunny have the same IQ so maybe it’s an intelligence thing… Next week’s looks really upsetting though.

    @annie: omg her eyebrows! How does that girl think she looks good??? She might as well be a drag queen holy smokes.

  16. 16
    annie annie
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    @valleygirl…..well call me an asshole too, because I thought the same thing. :P Like, really, Jasmine…..really?

  17. 17
    Mere2142
    Posted December 7, 2012 at 4:59 am

    I thought Mike was going to end up being jasmine s baby daddy….

    I love when they pulled up to the comp,ex and Nev was like ‘we’ll just chill over here’ . So gangsta of you Nev.

    As my friend at work pointed out, Max is kinda hot. He’s working the silver fox thing.

  18. 18
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 7, 2012 at 5:48 am

    @Vallegirl and @Annie we learning in a psych course in college that there is a range and it’s very rare that looks wise people go too far over or under their number. If they do there are some other circumstances. Also men are more visual than women so when trolling the internet for women they will probably try to find the hottest girl they think they can get away with.

    That being said, I have thought the same thing about these catfish candidates. Why is it that you believe this super hot guy was interest in you. Do you normally get guys of this caliber? Maybe you should think about that.

    Now they had a Catfish segment on Dr. Phil this week and the girl was very pretty so I can see why she thought the super hot former footballer was into her also.

  19. 19
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 7, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I’m an asshole too, cause that was my biggest “red flag” right off the bat with Sunny. He’s a model in L.A. and he’s online dating you? Riiiight. And, it’s been pretty much the same every episode except for maybe last weeks couple.

    On a side note, I think I will change my name to Khim. I think it looks good and is phonetically sound. Works for me.

  20. 20
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I did feel a little bit sorry for Mhissy (I hate even typing this stupid name). Her sister’s in jail, and the mom clearly didn’t raise either of them with any sense of morals. I was hoping the epilogue would state that Jasmine was getting her tubes tied so she won’t have any more children grow up as stupid as she is. Government School of Modeling? Wow.

    And Honey G, loved, loved the recap. I am impressed and just a little bit jealous of all your admiring commenters. I aspire to be as “followed” as you!

  21. 21
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    This episode was so fucking crazy, I can’t even deal with it.
    Jasmine is stupid. Point blank, she is stupid. She didn’t even look up his employer?! The employer that he supposedly spends so much time with? Literally, all you have to do is click on the link in facebook. It’s not rocket science.
    And how are you comfortable being in an online relationship with someone for two whole years without meeting them, despite the fact that you live fifteen minutes away? Seriously, that’s walking distance. You don’t even need a vehicle, just a comfortable pair of shoes and a knapsack to carry some water and trail mix in.
    Dora the Explorer travels further than that on the daily and she’s like five years old, doesn’t speak english, and her only friends are garish woodland creatures, so there’s no viable excuse for not being able to travel 15 minutes to meet a girlfriend.

    I don’t understand how someone could be so stupid, even though I did feel bad when Missy (I won’t participate in the bullshit that is her name) threw the flower at her. That was cold. But it was also hilarious.
    I wonder who would win a fight between Jasmine and Missy though. Jasmine is bigger, but Missy is crazy as fuck, which is sometimes the only advantage that you really need.

    Missy needs to find better foundation…she looked so ashy and dry.
    And she sounded like a soci0path. If there is anyone who doesn’t need to be raising a child, it’s her, so I wonder how her custody will be affected by this.

    I think Max is so attractive. He’s kind of an asshole though. “Look at your makeup!” was definitely not a compliment. He’s also made some shady comments in past episodes.
    Thank goodness Nev is always there to pour his sugary sweetness all over everything, so nobody notices.

  22. 22
    Valleygirl
    Posted December 9, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    @chaosbutterfly: Max is the exact asshole this show needs. If Nev was left to his own devices, then the show would end with a Kumbayah sesh and friendship bracelet exchanges. Lol nobody needs that!

  23. 23
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 4:53 am

    @Chaosbutterfly…LOL at your whole post but especially Max’s comment “Look at your makeup”. I snorted laughing because everyone but Jasmine knew that wasn’t a compliment.

  24. 24
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 8:28 am

    @ 5 Labowner– “no consequences” is what I was thinking too. Damn—outing people, humiliating them, dashing all hopes of love and smashing them to the ground???? Maybe these folks are more resilient that I think. Some one will snap though– remember Chris Hansen and “To Catch a Predator”???

  25. 25
    badgerfreak
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 11:51 am

    So I’m late to the party on this show so MTV has disabled viewing episodes 2,3, and 4 until weeks later. The recaps are fantastic though. This episode is kind of what I was waiting to see happen. So far every outting has been pretty crazy, with the exception of Kim and Matt. Missy his definitely a crazy bitch, but think how crazy it would be if she was just a random girl that was a lesbian but was afraid to be fully out as a woman so she hid on the internet as a man.
    For real, 15 minutes away and you can’t meet up? That’s a serious case of denial. I could understand if it was 15 hours away or something. You were already lying, why would not pick a somewhere that was many states away? It’s like she wanted Jasmine to find out it was her. Can’t wait for more episodes.

  26. 26
    labowner
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I love the fact this show is about “helping people” and we are more concerned at how bad one chicks makeup was. Awesome.

  27. 27
    darci
    Posted January 9, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    haha wow this episode was way different than the previous ones, and it made me wonder just how many online relationships/identities are actually people’s real life adversaries trying to mess with them…maybe it’s even as high as the amount of people who just make up lies that make themselves seem better than they are.

    Considering how sweet of an episode the previous one was (Kim & Matt) I was really shocked to see how this turned out. They also did a great job of giving false clues, and all the sweet love songs made me think it might go somewhere else – for example when they played “Time Frame” by Sydney Wayser (love that song btw) as Jasmine sends the text to Mike letting him know she needs to meet him face to face in order to move forward in the relationship – at that moment I was almost convinced Mike was going to turn out legit, although my first inclination was that he was just a loser dude mis-representing himself.

    Also, who’s crazier/more embarassing – Jasmine for falling for Mhissy’s trick, or Mhissy for actually spending all that time over the course of 2 years to keep up the lie?

  28. 28
    Ghetto
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    The whole family is ghetto. What comes around goes around. The funny thing is when I saw Mhissy come out I thought it was a man dressed up in a short dress.

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