Catfish Recap: Miss Teen Congeniality

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Thursday, January 10, 2013 | 9:00 am | 32 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Catfish, Recaps

Joe asks why she didn’t just tell him it was her.  She says that she was scared, but that it’s also entertainment for her to pretend to be someone else.  Nev takes a deep breath and gets ready to make the speech where he tells them that they’re obviously soul mates and need each other, but Max beats him to it, telling Joe that they owe him a huge apology for failing him.  They ask Rose how long she’s been doing this and she says for years and that she has quite a few fake profiles and that it doesn’t bother her.  

Max has a mini blow-up, scolding Rose and telling her she’s manipulative and deceitful and messing with other people’s feelings, which is a mean way to entertain yourself.  Um… why is this the first time we’re hearing this speech?  This little lecture has been applicable in almost every episode.  Why now?  Has Max finally had enough?  Where is Nev and the Friendship Patrol? Rose gets defensive and plays with her hair vigorously.  She says she’s apologizing in front of all the cameras, isn’t that enough?  Joe says he doesn’t appreciate being lied to and now he needs some time to think.  Everyone goes their separate ways.

The next morning Nev is horrified to discover that the fake Kari Ann profile is still alive and kicking.  He calls Rose immediately and she says she’d like to talk to Nev without Joe.  Ah, here is Nev’s big chance to get inside Rose’s heart.  They head over and Rose sits them down to explain how she started liking Joe, so she used the Kari Ann profile to talk to him and things just kind of got out of hand.  Nev reminds Rose that she said she has feelings for Joe, so if she had to choose between a real relationship or her slew of fake profiles, what would it be?  Rose isn’t ready to give up her profiles.  Nev analrapizes Rose, asking her what she gets from hiding behind these profiles and Rose says she realizes it’s gotten out of hand.  She’s even gotten multiple other people involved in the hoax.  Hmm… Kyle?   She thinks she may be addicted to this behavior. 

“Crashing the centerfold convention was the best weekend of my life.”

Max says if she put this much time and energy into something honest, she could end up being a great writer or something. Let’s not go crazy, Max. They finally convince her to post something saying she’s going away for a while.  I guess that’s a first step in taking down the fake profile.  

And now Rose has to go back over to Joe’s to beg for forgiveness.  She tells him about the “going away” post and says she really did have feelings for him.  Joe says he thinks they should just be friends.  Rose apologizes again and everything is happy.  To Nev she says, “Sorry I fooled you.  Maybe you should be a better detective.”  HA!  How DARE she knock the All Powerful Google Image Search???  Nev really HAS come off looking like an idiot in this episode.  First with being all hot and bothered by the possibility of meeting a Playboy model, then with being completely wrong about EVERYTHING.  No BFF photo today.  Nev must be too embarrassed.  Joe’s not too upset since he’s still going to stay friends with Rose.  But he does have one final request:  that Nev and Max drive their car next to his four wheeler so he can see how fast it goes.  Aw, he would have had so much fun in Los Angeles with his four wheelers if Kari Ann had been the real deal.  He’s very cosmopolitan.  

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

32 Comments

  1. 1
    mere2142
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 9:10 am

    I was embarrassed that the moment they said her name, I knew exactly who Kari Ann was from Celebrity Rehab. Perhaps I watch too much shit tv?

    Is anyone else not buying Rose’s model story?

    Max – the voice if reason – where have you been all of these weeks?

  2. 2
    MarGoRita
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 9:26 am

    Rose? A model for psychosis, maybe.

  3. 3
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Of all the people to impersonate she picked one of the most horrid people on the planet?
    Why would you pick her?

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 10:23 am

    “Hey Kari-annnnnnn, whats your game now??? Can anybody play?”
    aahhhh– do love me some oldies from the juke-box!!

    and Lordy Lordy– my cap code is……..game is up
    word cap code word

  5. 5
    Sunshine
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Nev really got fooled in this one.

    I wonder if KariAnn has seen this episode and knows someone else is getting laid by being her?

  6. 6
    Detinha
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Max was upset bc Rose lied to them and not because she lied to Joe!
    Oh, Nev, clearly the phrase “Fool me once…etc..” Doesn’t apply to you!

  7. 7
    Kelly
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    I am so glad you mentioned the talking horse part! I too was wondering where this schtick with the talking horse was coming from and then suddenly, “Oh, it’s the strange-voiced Dad.” And we still never got an answer on who Kyle was that verified the phone number and that he had bonked Kari Ann. A friend of Rose’s? Maybe Rose bonked him in the dark and he thinks he actually bonked Kari Ann? And lastly, why does everyone on this show have a such a huge ego that they constantly believe models are in love with them? Do they own a mirror?

  8. 8
    Smango
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    I second the Mr. Ed thought. I had to rewind it because I totally thought the horse was talking!!

    Max must have eaten his Wheaties before this episode! I have never seen so passionate and outspoken! On the other hand, Nev seemed like he forgot where he was half the time. He seemed completely bumfuzzled.

    GREAT recap, btw!!!

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Is it mean of me to think Joe should be on that Vampire Freaks site as I am assuming the girls would swoon when they saw his teeth?

  10. 10
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    Great recap!!!

  11. 11
    annie annie
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    This episode was a total mindfuck!!!!!!

    Why would Rose pretend to be Kari Anne, one of the trashiest skanks in all the land?

    Did the dude google Kari Anne, see the many references of meth, sex tapes, bizarre engagements, and rehab stints and just say …..mehhh, whatever?

    Will Rose eventually stab poor Joe in his sleep and use his blood as lipstick in some kind of psycho skank ritual? BECAUSE SHE IS BATSHIT CRAZY

  12. 12
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Nev and the Gang were kinda harsh in the first episode on the Model/Comedy Cue Card Writer/Online Anesthesiology Student chick, but in a nice way.

    I think that they were just super pissed that Rose lied to them flat out at the batting cages. They may have been more mellow if she had lied to them at putt putt. It was probably just a knee jerk reaction because they didn’t figure it out themselves and they were so sure she was the real deal and they just completely schooled.

    Joe was pretty cool about it though – he was all “Oh, that sucks, but whatevs. How fast does my ATV go, man?” Makes me wonder what they grow up on the farm in Warsaw, NY.

  13. 13
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    And I thought that episode with Missy was some crazy shit.
    But this bitch? This bitch right here? She blows Missy out of the water and off the entire planet.
    At least Missy had some kind of motive.
    This chick built an entire life and deceived how many dudes (including one of her friends) for NO DAMN REASON.
    And can we discuss the other guy that she was apparently “facebook proposing to” using the same profile? The look Nev gave her upon discovering her e-infidelity had me rolling. I’ve never seen him look at someone like that with his rainbows and butterflies self.
    But for real, that Rose girl is so sick in the head. And those shorts she was wearing in the final scene with her and Joe were tooooshort. Both asscheeks hanging out, just flapping in the wind.
    She has some serious self-esteem issues. I understand why, because trying to model with that face can’t be easy, but she really needs therapy.
    I felt bad for the Catfish too, because he was dopey as fuck, but he seemed sweet. He didn’t deserve that nonsense.

    I love how Max has just blossomed throughout this series. He’s seriously my favorite.
    At first, he was going along with Nev’s Friendship Patrol.
    Then he started shading people here and there.
    In the last episode, we saw him dumbstruck by the fuckery that was unfolding before his eyes, as he contemplated whether this was real life or simply fantasy.
    And now, he’s clearly reached the point where he is having none of anyone’s shit. Not Nev’s shit, not the Catfish’s shit. People gon’ learn today.
    They need to just fire Nev and make Max the host.

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    *felt bad for the Catfish’s victim.
    Not for the catfish, bitch was cray.

  15. 15
    Caitlin
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    Wish they’d said who the other people were on the phone. And “KariAnn”‘s voice really sounded nothing like Rose, so if that was her, she may have a future in voiceovers. She definitely has a face for radio.

  16. 16
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 6:33 am

    According to TheDirty (VH1 overlap shout out), Rose and Kari Ann know each other in real life and were/are trying to pitch a reality show. It also sounded like the real soul-sucking Kari Ann on the phone so I’m not convinced they didn’t fabricate the whole thing as a ploy to get some publicity. The REAL questions are, how did this kid who I don’t think is playing with a full deck upstairs get involved, and where can I get some of that deluded self-confidence that girls like Rose have?

  17. 17
    Honey Gangsta Honey Gangsta
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 7:33 am

    Judgy – I think you’re right! I feel so used.

  18. 18
    Nicole
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 8:14 am

    I love Max! I think he probably has more harsh words to say about people then we see. But honestly how could they have not realized this was BS? This was a HUGE fail.

  19. 19
    Nicole
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 8:16 am

    I love Max, I think he has more harsh and honest things to say then we see, because he is voice of reason. This episode was a HUGE fail. How could they have not figured out this was not Kari Ann or at least been much much more suspicious

  20. 20
    jp
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 8:40 am

    I was just going to say that I thought that was the Kari Ann I was thinking of! So glad it is confirmed. She is an actual celeb of sorts so you would think the girl would have picked someone better to catfish as like some pageant girl that isnt known for being HORRIBLE. Currently she is like in a custody battle with her baby daddy that claims she was doing drugs around the kid (and a whole bunch of other bad details).

    Anyway it broke my heart at the end when he wanted to see how fast his quad was… like does he not have any friends to do that with him? So sad if he doesnt! Also I think it is weird how Nev tries to make the guys on this show “cool” right afterwards even though they would be much more comfortable being themselves I think. I dunno if I am right or not on that one but I find it at least a little strange how Nev tries to pass these people off as something that they are not at the very end.

  21. 21
    labowner
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 9:50 am

    I guess we should be happy none of these have ended in violence, which is very possible.

  22. 22
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 11:30 am

    I yearn for violence. ;__;

  23. 23
    PinkTop
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    This show just gets more and more ridiculous and obviously phony with each episode, although Nev was at his giddy schoolgirl best this week.

  24. 24
    mommy2bree
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    @labowner, I was just thinking the other night how this has the potential for some Jenny Jones-level violence after all is said and done with the reveals.

  25. 25
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 13, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I agree, HG. I am wondering how they knew about it so far in advance, but perhaps when you’re desperately trying to become relevant you know all of the insider marketing goings-on. I am the kind of hypocrite who hates social media until it can be of service to me, so I sought out Sunny from the first episode’s Twitter (ugh, I hated typing that) and she was claiming the show is real. But then I realized there’s probably a little thing called contractual obligation so who knows if that’s true or not.

    Please don’t let what was I’m sure an intense heartbreak deter you from being one of my favorite recappers ever.

  26. 26
    badgerfreak
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Just all kinds of wow. I didn’t realize that this girl was a “celebrity”. That makes this story even more ridiculous.

  27. 27
    sardini
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    I just saw this episode over the weekend, and I was dying to come back here and see if you knew instantly, as I did, who Kerri Ann was. By the end, even Dr. Drew was like \F this bitch!!\

    I think it was the real Kerri Ann on the phone. I don’t know she and Rose are in cahoots exactly (got some clues from Judgy – thanks), but it did sound exactly like Kerri Ann on the phone! That’s when the episode got good for me…at first I thought Rose picked a random D-list celeb, but then I was like ooooooh, there’s a connection. And, shouldn’t Nev and Max Googled Kerri Ann (regular Google, not the infamous Google Image)? That way, they would know she was on Celibrity RehabS? Maybe downloaded an episode or two? Rose is right. Their detective skills weren’t up to par, and that’s why they were mad. Also, does Kerri Ann not have a real page? And didn’t they see that she has multiple FB pages?

    How did Rose get other people to collaborate with her on her schemes? Like I understand if she’s an f-ing wack job, but recruiting others into her messed up little facebook engagement life is even more strange.

    Hey, real quick, how much of a loser am I if I befriend \Kerri Ann\ on FB just to see what this psycho has to say? I’ll probably delete it after a week or so, but I’m super curious. And bored.

    Finally, I hope Joe finds love with a 4-wheel loving, horseback riding upstate NY cutie. He deserves it, and handled himself well. I’m happy they didn’t end up in the friendzone together. No awkward pic of them together, and I’m glad. Kerri Ann nor Rose deserve my boy Joe.

  28. 28
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    @chaos: Your posts have me cracking up!

    Keri-ann brought meth to rehab. Enough said.

  29. 29
    Lola Says
    Posted January 20, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    I called that it was rose the second that loony tune came on screen. And it would be just a bit too convenient for the first catfish episode for the online beau turn out to be as advertised to be the one with miss teen USA\n
    It was also creeping me out when Nev would put miss teen Usa and Playboy in the same sentence. His poor little soul was crushed when the agent wouldn’t call Kari Ann to confirm her online love.

    I died when they referred to imdb as a professional website – anyone can pay to be on it…

  30. 30
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted January 22, 2013 at 7:45 am

    So much headf*ckery in this episode. It was so lame in that a simple Google search pulls up the Official KAP FB page as the 2nd result…where I discovered this statement:
    “Just want to post the schedule of MTV Catfish Episode 7 “Joe & Kari Ann, if anyone has not yet seen this episode in question.

    So you may come to your own conclusion watching first hand for yourself. I do hope you at least come to the conclusion, that it is NOT OK to pretend to be someone else at others expenses. Please contact Facebook officials to continue to work on monitoring all social media sites from opening and creating fake sites like the ones depicted in this episode.
    I want to thank all my FB Fans for supporting me and my official FB page here !”

  31. 31
    random stranger
    Posted March 31, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    am I the only one who thinks rose is sexy. I normally don’t like big titted girls,
    but I was attracted to rose more the kari ann.

    but I have to see that she did some fucked up shit. she was a catfish in a league of her own.
    I’m glad joe refused her.

  32. 32
    Anna
    Posted April 3, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    “Nev analrapizes Rose,”
    wait WHAT

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