So here we are at the much-hyped season finale of Catfish. The ads keep telling us that we’ve been surprised all season, but to get ready for the most shocking episode of all. What could possibly top vampire freaks, transgender fakers paying online boyfriends, and gay felons with bus fetishes…?
Nev welcomes us tonight by telling us that, as always, the emails are POURING in. Let’s see which high-quality individuals we’ll be tracking down this evening. How about Mike? He’s from New Jersey and has recently moved back in with his parents because he lost his job. Also, his girlfriend of five years dumped him to pursue women. Get in line, ladies! Things were looking pretty bad for Mike until he met Felicia on the interwebs. She’s everything he’s looking for, even though they’ve never met. They talk on the phone every day, but Mike is too big of an idiot to figure out how to use a webcam, so they’ve never skyped. Felicia also lives in New Jersey, in a town not too far from Mike’s, so he drove over to see her one night and called her when he got there, but she was nowhere to be found. She finally called him back around midnight, telling him she’d been in a car accident and her phone had been shut off. But she was okay. And now Felicia has moved to Orlando, Florida to open her own business (or something). Mike needs Nev to pin this girl down and find out if she’s for real.
Or if she’s a middle-aged women using pictures of her younger self from the late 80s.
So far I’m in. Felicia isn’t claiming to be a model and she actually looks like a regular person. The car accident thing was weird, but it’s only been a few months that these two have been chatting, so there’s still the possibility of normalcy. Max doesn’t think so. Nev actually sniffs his finger and says something smells spoiled. That was so revolting and unnecessary, Nev. Especially with all the foot-picking you do. They call Mike and Mike adds another element to the car accident story, which is that when he arrived at Felicia’s building, he asked the doorman for her and the doorman said no one named Felicia lived in that building. That’s sketchy. But Mike would still really like to meet her, so Nev is going to be the hero who makes that happen.
When they arrive at Mike’s house, Nev asks who painted the beautiful artwork on the mailbox, to which Mike responds his mother did. Careful, Mike. Nev is inexplicably drawn to older, married, artistic women. Keep your mom out of his sight. Mike invites them in and shows them some of his own artwork, which is of a man-robot.
“His name is MegaMike. He’s made of carbon steel, and is my alter ego.”
Oh DEAR. I fear that Mike is perpetually 14 years old. He’s hanging out at his parents’ house drawing robot men. Maybe Felicia had the right idea when she dodged their meeting. The guys look at Felicia’s profile pictures and she’s obviously very well endowed in the chest region. Nev describes her as full-bodied. Mike plays the guys a voicemail from Felicia and says he’s really hoping to be in love with the real Felicia. Nev and Max leave to launch their investigation.