Celebrity Apprentice: Sack Up, Tickle Monsters …

Recaps

By ApplePie | Tuesday, March 12, 2013 | 10:37 am | 31 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Celebrity Apprentice, Featured, Recaps

Were you wondering how long it would take Omagrosa to capitalize on her dead fiance this season?  I was … she’s volunteering as PM to make “money for Michael’s charity”.

I’d sell his overalls from The Green Mile if it helps me win this show.

 Let’s skip all the comments I could make about the plane.  All the Celebrahs are impressed.  If The Don had Tattoo waiting in Orlando shouting, “De plane, boss”, then I’d be impressed.

Like a G6, Herve.

During the flight, a pre-recorded The Don (won’t The Apprentice Season 30 be fun when he does this by hologram?) tells the teams that their task is to create a photo “experience” and that they’ll have access to the theme parks to take photos.  Wha????  They must have edited out a lot of that task description since I don’t get it.  Clocking in at two hours, I didn’t think they edited out ANYTHING from these episodes.  Jon makes fun of the way The Don talks with his hands.

I like to talk wif my teef.

The Don shares that Baby Don and Eric will be his advisors for this task, and they’ll be in Orlando to help judge the glorified photo booths.  Back in NYC, Trace hasn’t left for his cruise yet so he has time to drop off the $670,000 check to a local Red Cross chapter.  Yay for charity!

Every light in the house is … reflecting off that bald pate.  Put your hat back on, you silly cowboy.

In Orlando, Omagrosa is running a team meeting and though her arrogance gives me hives, bitch is business savvy.  I want an MBA from wherever she went to school. She is wicked smaht, unlike the rest of her team. 

Grunt, snort, giggle.

And now begins the whining — which recurs periodically throughout the challenge — about how members of Power are scared Omagrosa is going to throw each and everyone of them under the bus in the boardroom.  Well, duh!  Haven’t any of you seen “A Bug’s Life” or a million other movies that prove that, when little people band together, they become much more powerful than any bully?  No?  Maybe Team Power is more of a “Welcome to the Dollhouse” or “Napoleon Dynamite” movie group.

Brande, three o’clock, behind the school, you get raped!  Be there!

 The two executives from Universal Orlando visit Team Power, and Omagrosa is appropriately douchy, even putting Rodman on the spot and asking him to make up a question to prove he’s part of the team (remember the annoying teacher everyone had who is just like this?).

Here’s a question:  What do two Ambien and a Vicodin equal?

The executives also visit Plan B, but nothing interesting happens.  

On to the teams “brainstorming” and building their photo booth sets, with the help of a crew of Universal set builders.  The set builders are capable, kind, waaaaay too polite to handle Omagrosa’s demands and too used to following orders to give Plan B a better idea.  Power decides to build 3 separate “worlds” on the 12-foot wide stand, and Li’l Jon adds the critical idea of setting up doorways between the three scenes so that it “flows”.  The team is set on using Harry Potter and Despicable Me scenes as bookends, but Omagrosa hasn’t come up with an idea yet for the center scene.  Plan B’s great idea?  Cardboard cutouts — of themselves — wearing the same thing that they are wearing in real life.  I much preferred Penn’s original “floating head” idea, but “Spidora” was shot down by Dee as completely out of context for the task.

Perhaps Dee had a point.

Team Power runs around shopping for props, and worries that Omagrosa’s going to blame them for not reading her mind and knowing which props to pick for the as-yet-to-be-determined center scene for the photo booth.  

Remember, Team Power, it’s Omagrosa who needs us.

 The teams run around the parks, taking pictures and gathering props.  I don’t know what they’re doing, and I don’t think they do either.

NOT Universal Orlando’s next postcard

 Toy, Not-That-Jordan, Jon and Brande return to Power’s room and get yelled at, obviously, for not figuring out that Omagrosa would eventually settle on Spider-Man as the centerpiece and would therefore need kick-ass props for that scene.

I’m ashamed of our failure … on the inside.  

 Plan B is sticking with the awful Plan Z:  life-size cardboard cutouts of themselves.  This only makes sense if they plan to leave the cutouts to man the “photo experience” while they all ride roller coasters.

Or molest innocent kittens.

 When we come back from commercials, everyone (okay, just the fabrication guys who work for Universal) is working on the sets.  Even Dennis gets in on the action.  Perhaps he’s working on the wrong charity reality show.

Extreme Makeover:  Rodman Edition

 Plan B has a blank wall for their cardboard cutouts to rest upon, not the 3-D set and fancy logo they want to display the next day.  Dee’s not worried that they’re a little behind schedule.  I can’t say the same about the girls …

Are there any letters after Z?  What comes after Plan Z?

The next day, the fruits of the fabrication elves’ labor (they obviously worked all night) is apparent as the teams visit their installations at their designated spots.  The energy is stressful at Power while Omagrosa barks out commands and micromanages all the finishing touches to the Power booth, while over at Plan B, Penn is still questioning the logic of having cardboard cutouts when the same people are there in the flesh.

I’m confused … the Sorting Hat chose Spidora!  Umm … are you sure you don’t want to take a picture with my cardboard cutout instead?

 As the public starts approaching these photo “experiences”, things get even weirder.  Dennis has an umbrella; he certainly doesn’t want a tan, now does he?  Marilu tries to elevate the experience of the confused people hugging cardboard cutouts by telling them this is all about making memories, and she should know about memories:  she has HSAM.  In case you fell down the rabbit hole and didn’t hear any of Marilu’s sideshow barker memory game (pathetic and desperate, in my opinion), HSAM stands for Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, aka Hella Stupid Arrogant Muthafucka.  And yes, I’m wicked jealous she has that ability and I don’t.  

Shrek just wants to go back to his swamp, where there’s no memory chitchat.

Gary Busey drives quickly through all 12 stages of creepy uncle by tickling various picture victims in the ribs as they pose with him.  I think that’s third-degree sexual assault.

I’m a tickle monster!

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31 Comments

  1. 1
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Thanks for the hillarious recap!

    I know that Trump is making all of his over the top douchey, sexist comments to get attention, but it really annoys the crap out of me. He is such a pig, and he basically feels that he can get away with it because of his money.

    Also, I’m I the only one who feels a bit sad and sorry for Dennis Rodman? The guy has had a lot of problems and I’ve never particularly been a fan of his, but in this context I see a very lonely guy who has screwed up a lot and has no clue as to how to get his life back together. He is trying hard to be a good team player and do what he is told and pretty much everyone is either avoiding him or trying to set him up to fail, not to mention Trump who always needs to be a douche and keeps reminding everyone how unstable he can be when he begins to drink.

    Between the cold shoulders, ridicule and back-handed compliments, that guy’s going to crack sooner or later and Trump is going to love having the cameras on for that. I know that it was his choice to be on this show again, probably because he feels he has to prove something. But, I think that it is really disgusting that someone who has that many serious emotional problems is being manipulated that way for ratings….OK, I’ll get off my Dr. Drew soapbox now.

  2. 2
    NatPatBen
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    We had to rewind and rewatch the fake-out when Baldwin went from high five to smoothing his hair. Funniest moment of the show.

  3. 3
    hbgchick
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Ok – this is going to sound irrelevant for a second but bear with me.

    I happen to have the distinction of being raised in State College, PA. You know, home of Penn State University and pedophile Jerry Sandusky – the story that was splattered all over the national news about this time last year? The reason I mention it is that in trial, over and over, the young boys that Sandusky molested ALL testifed that in the very beginning the way he began to groom them was by telling them he was the…you guessed it…”The Tickle Monster”.

    As soon as I saw Busey with those kids and heard say he was the Tickle Monster” I seriously almost puked. I’m by no means calling Busey a pedophile but…I don’t know. It was just super creepy.

  4. 4
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    I still say Michael Clarke Duncan died to get away from that big-mouthed bitch (who now exploits his name for cheap sympathy.)

    As for Dennis, he has always been a lonely outsider. That’s how he became so screwed up. (Read his first autobiography sometime.) On the rare occasions someone takes the time to listen to him and treat him with kindness and respect, he has been very productive. (See his experiences with Chick Daley and Phil Jackson for proof.)

  5. 5
    vish
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    I wonder if the ideas for tasks are perhaps thought of ahead of time by staff and communicated to the celebrities, and then the celebrities in turn pretend to be “inspired” with great sales pitches for products, because a lot of these advertising campaigns really are bizarrely well-done. Considering how almost everything else on the show is rigged….

    Also, Omarosa’s fake crying really was transparent

  6. 6
    labowner
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    I don’t watch, but I like Penn and I am wondering if he will have the losing guests on his podcast and dish dirt.

    FYI please remember they only get to wear their clothes ONCE in confessional. Keep track of who wears what and when.

  7. 7
    Chicken Lips
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    I honestly thought that LaToya said that Omarosa was one of the meanest people she ever met and I said, “Dayum – that’s saying a lot coming from someone raised by Joe Jackson!” My brother, to whom I was chatting with at the time, informed me that he thought she said that Omarosa was one of the nicest people she knew to which I said, “Dayum – that ain’t saying much considering she was raised by Joe Jackson.” Long story short – Omarosa is a bitch! And I’m not sure I’m buying her boardroom breakdown – Im sure she went through some things when her fiancée died, but this just seemed so phony to me.

    And if Gary Busey ever touched me like that, I’d knock out everyone of his horse teeth – he was just coppin’ feels left right and center out there!

    And seriously, Team Power – Omarosa could pull out a gun and shoot three members of her team and pose with them like Trumpie Junior and Trumpie III did on safari, and Trumpie wouldn’t fire her – she’s good for ratings and that’s what’s “yoooge” to Trumpie! Ugh.

  8. 8
    Chicken Lips
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    Oh, I forgot to add – I like LaToya. She is way normal than she probably has a right to be considering her family, but she seems nice and fairly intelligent. She was on that show where the “celebrities” were police officers in Muncie and she seemed to do a good job with that. I don’t know what I would do if I had to call the cops and LaToya Jackson showed up, but she was very diligent and serious about the job. So go LaToya!

    Don’t worry – I don’t actually think she’ll win (I’m not as dumb as Trumpie’s hair looks), but I’m rooting for her.

  9. 9
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    I’m not gonna lie..I believed Omarosa’s boardroom breakdown. The woman gave Michael Clark Duncan CPR, saved his life, only for him to die a week later. She came back to earn money for his charity and is maybe overjoyed that she did so. Plus, he was going to marry her. With her reputation, I can’t imagine too many men lining up to put a ring on it, and a celebrity to boot. Shoot…girl knows her chances of finding another one like him is slim to nil. I’d cry, too.

    ALso, I don’t Omarosa wants sympathy. It goes against the character she’s trying to play. Had she lost and brought out the tears, i could understand it. But to win and still cry affects her to what end? There’s nothing to be gained from it. And Omarosa is nothing, if not calculating. She won’t win the Trump on sympathy, she earns his respect by being ruthless and TV gold.

    Thanks to the last recapper, every time I see Ivanka and Eric, I think of soul sucking vampires.. especially Eric. He’s an enigma. I bet a lot of college coeds had to be paid off after dating him. Call it a hunch.

  10. 10
    April
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Great recap. Yeah since Omorosa won I guess she had no real reason to cry. I did not even know till last week she was Michael Clark Duncan’s fiancee. I was a big fan of his and was very sad to hear of his passing like that so young.

    I don’t even know who I want to win yet. I like Latoya but I know she will never win. Not cutthroat enough. God what if Omarosa actually wins?

  11. 11
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Great recap!!! It was just like I like my women. Short, sweet and funnier then hell. Oldmagrossso is such a phoney bitch. Did I say *bitch*??? Oh, I ment to say *fucking bitch*!!! She can fool some of the people some of the time. (The Trumpmiester) With her ugly assed ball baby bitchy face. But she fools me not. That put on was a sorry assed attempt to try and make us (The Viewing Public) think that when it came to her beloved Michael that she actually has a heart. That heartless bitch don’t care about nobody!!! Not even herself. If I would have been that dude I would have killed myself too. Just to get out of having to marry that skanky assed bitch too!!! I can see right through that no good conniving bitch. Because I know somebody just exactly like her. She’s my *EX* wife!!!

    I am more convinced now that The Trumpmister has to be gay. Before, I thought that his hairstyle was a big comb over. Now that I know that isn’t the case. Only someone who is gay would wear their hair like that!!! No hate mail please. It’s just my personal opinion and we all know what them are like!!!

    I never much cared for Twisted Sister but have always kind of liked Dee Snider. I really like him now though. I thought he done a pretty good job being PM. I was very impressed by him not throwing anybody under the bus. Especially by being a stand up guy and taking the blame for the loss. Unfortunately I would have fired him too!!!

  12. 12
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    You put the Mike Hunt in Mike Hunt.

    Although, it’s not really clear. Do you like Omarosa or not? ;)

    April, I can see her in the finale, but never winning. She doesn’t pull in the big donors and at the end of the day, Trump likes to pick people who are connected. If they can get $100,000 checks at fundraisers, he’s impressed. If not.. see ya and your no-name charity.

    BTW, my friend posted on FB a run down of the CEO salaries of top charities and it turns out, the CEO of Red Cross makes $650,000 a year. So, Trace’s $675,000 check basically went right into his pocket!

  13. 13
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 12:00 am

    As much as I like LaTOYa, she is one to talk about someone capitalizing on the death of a loved one. Last season, all she talked about was Michael. Art project? A hat with Michael’s glove (made of paper mache) stuck on top. Fundraiser? A shirt signed by Michael. Every other talking head? About her brother Michael. The only thing she did NOT do is cry in the boardroom. Toy is just mad Omarosa beat her to the punch!

    Trump gave Latoya a ton of preferential treatment last season, since Michael’s death was so fresh. She was fired (by him!) then brought back later because he said she shouldn’t have been fired. Huh? Methinks they still wanted to keep talking about Michael. (Or for Nene Leakes to keeping calling her Casper. Awwnestly, girl is looking a little pale.)
    Truth is, Toy works hard but doesn’t have the fire to win.

    With that said, don’t sleep on Lil Jon. Most people wrote him off..(gold teeth, shades) but he is a good business man. He’s pretty low-key on the show, but he is spot on with his input, assessment, and snark. I loved how when Trump was wringing out compliments on his hair, Lil Jon yelled out, “Just tell us who won!” Brilliant. King IDGAF is in the building!

  14. 14
    See-Jay
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 12:01 am

    First Bret, now Dee? Trump’s knocking out my favorites.

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 12:27 am

    I kinda knew Dee would have been eliminated early only because my professor went to a Celeb Apprentice event and came to class positively glowing. “I got tons of swag! They gave us a hairdryer, a blah, a blah, and a blah.” She goes on to name everyone at the event and I asked if Dee was there (having seen the all-star lineup) and she said she didn’t see him. This was back in October/Nov.. so the writing was on the wall. I’d hoped he’d make it longer.. perhaps if he and Penn were on opposing teams, it would be great to se them go to head to head.

    Last season, Penn missed challenges because he was working in Vegas. This season, Trace can miss as many challenges as he wants.. his $675,000 fundraiser is enough to take him far. Those $40,000 challenges are ‘beneath’ him. Gary Busey doesn’t need to bring in a penny.. just bring the crazy, and he’ll go very far. Squinty Baldwin’s days are numbered, though. (neither his charity nor his fundraising is high-profile enough. And he looks like a turtle looking at the sun.)

  16. 16
    April
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 4:16 am

    Oh yeah Little Jon, now that would be a good pick and person to win! He was toward the end in his season too.

  17. 17
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 11:08 am

    I don’t think Latoya was on last season (maybe the one before?) but she and Michael were actually mad close, so I believe her when she makes a big deal out of his death. Also, Latoya isn’t a malicious or hurtful person. She’s just crazy as fuck and that’s not her fault.

    Omarosa is such an evil and soulless person that I just can’t give any credence to her acid and sulfur tears. If anything, she’s just sad that MCD passed before she could marry him and get her wicked black-magic hands on his stuff.

    Something funny about Gary Busey, he’s completely wackadoo until he’s under threat of being fired. Then suddenly he’s coherent as fuck.

    I’m so disappointed in Dee….I feel like if he really tried, he could have come up with a connection between floating heads and Universal Studios.
    Harry Potter was a gimme, obviously.
    He could have also done something like a Jimmy Neutron experiment gone wrong.
    Shrek is possible too. Maybe a spell cast by the Fairy Godmother.
    He could have also done something with The Mummy Returns. Imhotep likes to cut off heads.

    He’s been there a million times, so he really should know the rides and themes by heart. He should also know the decor. I’ve been there a million times as well, as there are really no real-life people anywhere, except for in rides like Men In Black, The Mummy Returns, and Terminator, where there are live-action characters. But if they aren’t movie characters, they aren’t part of the marketing.
    And then he couldn’t see how lame the whole thing was?
    I mean, cut outs? On a plain blue background?
    That’s literally a sixth grade art project.

    I like Lil Jon alot. He is so funny and surprisingly astute, despite his muppet-like appearance and the fact that I have never in my life seen his eyes or his natural teeth.

  18. 18
    April
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Very good Chaos Butterfly. I nominate you for Celebrity Apprentice next season. All I thought of was Harry Potter for the head thing, but you came up with like even more ideas! Oh yeah they could also do like an alien taking off his fake human head for Men in Black too like even happens in the movies!

    I got giddy about them being in Universal Orlando. Our family went there just in Nov for our vacation and it was a lot of fun! Our sons wanted to do Men In Black ride only 20 times in a row and we did! We even got the high score once where we got the special ending on the ride where you get a black suit. My son says he wants to be a MIB astronaut when he grows up. I was actually not that impressed with Harry Potter. The ride was good, but the area was too cramped and I could not even get into the shops to look around and this was during the off season!

  19. 19
    April
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 11:49 am

    If you like Lil Jon watch this video. Trust me its hilarious

  20. 20
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    @April, The MIB idea is really good! Dang man. I don’t understand how a roomful of grown ass adults couldn’t come up with a way to tie floating heads to that park. Even if they didn’t know the park well, they had access to computers, their phones, the internet….they could have researched what was in there. They just weren’t trying.

    As far as Universal Studios goes, woo chile.
    Harry Potter land is always crowded as hell.
    We went during the summer (guess it’s on season) and tell me why there was a long ass line, stretching around their dragon rollercoaster, just to get into Ollivanders. I don’t understand how people were legit waiting in line to buy a wand.
    And to ride The Wizarding World, the wait time never was under 60 minutes. We had to go as single riders just to be done in a timely fashion.
    And the butterbeer was so sweet it actually made me sick towards the end.
    I was too through with that place. OFFICIALLY.

    I do really like drinking stuff from my butterbeer cup though. It makes me feel like a lord.
    Next time I go, I’ma get me a goblet.

  21. 21
    April
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Another ride we had to ride around 7 times in a row was the Cat in the Hat ride. I really do love that ride. Very cool themed dark ride on Disney quality. But it spins you a lot and riding it over and over, I was about sick. The Men In Black ride spins you too but less jerkily so I was okay with that one over and over.

    I believe they are building a big new ride in Universal because we saw them building it. It was giant. One of those huge sound stage type buildings over near Twister if I remember correctly. I wonder what it will be? You could see roller coaster type tracks inside of it way high up.

    I really wish Disney would have gotten the Harry Potter franchise. They almost did. They are much better at the whole traffic flow and ride flow issues. They also have unlimited land unlike Universal to build stuff on. Oh well.

  22. 22
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    I like Lil’ John too. I was rooting for him a couple of seasons back. I never cared much for John Richie Rich. I also think that if it wouldn’t have been for Lil’ John he wouldn’t have made it to the end.

    I also like Gary Toothie. Although the did have him pegged a couple years back when they said he was a whole different person in the board room. I remember thinking that it would be nothing short of a miracle if Gary didn’t give poor Meat Loaf a heart attack before it was all said and done. You just can never tell where his head is at. There is no telling what he might say or do next. The thing I have noticed about him is that he never says nothing bad about anybody else. He will stick up for himself tooth (pun intended) and nail. Even when somebody is saying that he is Bat Shit Crazy. He will just say something like, *That’s just your opinion* or disagree with them. The big lug has a heart of gold and that’s a hell of a lot more then you can say about a lot of them phoney bastards!!!

    Last but not least. If I haven’t mentioned it yet. Then I would like to take this time and say, *Oldmagrossass (pronounced Old Ma Gross Ass only real fast) is nothing but a *FUCKING BITCH!!!* Thank you!!! Thank you very much!!!!!

  23. 23
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Gary Busey is a nice guy.

    Just don’t interrupt his prayer.

    http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/66630/celebrity-fit-club-2-busey-vs-the-snapple-lady.jhtml

    (Or, you know, be Jewish and want him to say God in the group prayer instead of Jesus Christ because it ain’t happenin’ Captain!)

  24. 24
    trkaelin
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 9:01 am

    I LOVED the movie Welcome to the Dollhouse. I thought I was the only one who saw it lol

  25. 25
    April
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I saw Welcome to the Dollhouse too a long time ago. I don’t remember that much of it.

  26. 26
    purplex15
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    Welcome to the Dollhouse was so great, but it is so awkward, Napolean really looks normal in comparison. It was an inside joke between me and my friends in junior high: \3 PM. Ima rape you\

    I love your recaps, even though I’m not watching the show. Ive one seen one season of this crap, and it was the season with Penn and Dee, and I only watched for Adam Carolla.

  27. 27
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 11:20 am

    On one of those trashy (was it VH1 ?) Z-list celebrity shows a few years ago, I think, (my memory is turrible) they had Janice Dickinson and Omagrossa together. Those two hated each other. I wanted them to lock those two drama queens in a room together.

    I liked Lil’ John when I watched Celebrity Apprentice a couple years ago. I can’t watch anymore. Can’t take any more Trump. Man’s mouth is like a puckered asshole. I know he thinks it’s like a rosebud, but I do beg to differ with him. So…..I’ll just read your fine recaps.

  28. 28
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    ^ Was it The Surreal Life?
    That show was so entertaining.

  29. 29
    April
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I could not get over how badly Trump was fishing for compliments about his plane. Saying it was the nicest plane in the country. Better than Air Force One then? Really?

  30. 30
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    I bet he sticks his head out of the window at take-off… That hairdo is definately not man made.

  31. 31
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    The Only thing I can say about last nights show is, *WTF!!!*

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