If you squint, you can see Moe trimming the grass with scissors.
“Put your marker down, Olivia… let’s let mommy fix this.”
I wish I knew what soda tasted like.
It 6:30am on Friday morning, the day before competition and the parents and kids are all loading up on the bus to start their 12-hour drive. The first interview is Shannon talking about how she doesn’t know where to sit and who to sit with for the trip. (I know where, you should be sitting at home; you’re not on the team.)
They needed the extra room for Ann’s snacks and Andrea’s inflated ego.
A few hours into the ride, Andrea is sitting behind Ann with a stack full of orange folders on her lap. (I am so sick of orange and black.) Ann asks what is in the folders and Andrea tells her that it’s a travel package that she put together for all the moms. Andrea says that Ann should’ve done it, since she is the Team Mom. But since she didn’t, ”Madam President” had to do it for her. Ann says she prefers to keep her nose white, not brown. (Unless there’s a chocolate fountain involved.) If I never hear Andrea’s voice again, it’ll be too soon. Ann says she’s not a nobody at the gym, and Andrea should’ve run it through her first. Michelle says she’s very proud of Andrea for putting the information together. You’re proud of Andrea because she knows how to print? Yeah, that’s impressive.
I cannot respect you any less, Andrea. Well played.
So she can print and collate. Genius.
Five hours left and Shannon, Michelle, Bonnie, and a mystery mom are all sitting near the back talking and having a good time, Ann and Andrea can’t stop straining their necks to turn around to see what they’re talking about. It’s lonely at the top is in it ladies? Shannon interviews that Ann thinks she has control over Andrea, but that Andrea is really nobody’s friend. Shannon also interviews that people would like Ann more if they knew who she was. That she used to be loving, caring, and giving. I’ve never seen that side, so I won’t even bother to pretend that I like her. Shannon gets up and sits by Ann to try to include her in the conversation and to get all the parents to get along. But Ann says that as long as Shannon is hanging out with “her BFF’s” in the back of the bus, she wants nothing to do with her. Ann gives Shannon an ultimatum and says that Shannon can either be friends with Ann or with Michelle. Shannon says Ann and sounds like a fourth, fifth, or sixth grader. I think she sounds like a whore cow. Ann says that her behavior is teaching her daughter how to pick her true friends. Ann, your daughter does not have friends, she has future victims. Shannon says that Ann has lost her mind, probably because her spanks were too tight. (Those Spanx are getting a workout.)