Commentgasm: Best in Comments: April

Recaps

By PennyDreadful | Thursday, December 20, 2012 | 7:00 am | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

thisbuggs4u on Toddlers & Tiaras: you will spring for tips on your 7 yr old, but you let the eyebrows go?

fancyface on Toddlers & Tiaras: Stop calling Vivian a freaking ‘hook-ker’ (in my krazy kelli bensimon voice) SHE WASN’T A HOOKER! She was a PROSTITUTE…big difference people!! Prostitutes are Klassier than hookers & Vivvy wasn’t a hooker cuz she wouldn’t kiss her John’s on the lips! THAT’S KLASS Ladies so that equals Prostitute not hooker so get it straight. LEAVE PAISLEY/VIVIAN ALONE!

icegirl on Toddlers & Tiaras: Ok I just saw an article about Eden Wood written in a major Turkish Newspaper. It was basically talking about her a being 7 year-old that looks like a living Barbie and how successful she is. Is this little whippersnapper that famous that Turkish newspapers find her worth writing about? I thought Turkish media had some class!

itchy on Survivor: When I’m in need of a reality check, I watch vintage porn movies from the 70s and 80s. Pubic hair! Saggy tits! Hairy balls! Crooked yellow teeth!

BellicoseBaby on Survivor: Often all on the same person.

LAC on RHOC: Hey, OC restaurant community! When a certain twitchy woman comes in, have the food at the table the minute she sits down! She is working! As a matter of fact, create the “Vicki express menu” – quick entrees that are served with “the insurance business is a busy one! Glad you have time to eat!” comment by the waiter.

kthxbai on RHOC: At least this season we got to see Alexis learn an important life lesson: If you don’t like it when it’s a piece of liver on a plastic plate from Walmart you’re not going to like it any better when it’s pâté de foie gras sitting in a Limoges dish.

Jimbob Jones on The Amazing Race: I’m starting to think that Girl Guns are Federal Agents the same way I was a Fireman when I was 5 — I had a shiny paper badge and a plastic hat, so I was a fireman.

Lady Stardust on 16 and Pregnant: So…Lindsey doesn’t even have her own bed, yet she always has fake nails, a smart phone, and is eating out? I think I’d skip my nail appointment one month and at least buy an airbed or something.

itchy on The Voice: Cheesa ought to change her name to Che$ha. See? Doesn’t that look more star-like already?

Hey Mayo Clinic – this gal has a goiter on her shoulder! 

notwithoutmytv on Toddlers & Tiaras: This is how it starts: child pageants. Before long, the contestants are given cute little pretend weapons and skimpier costumes. Greater media coverage follows. Then, somehow, without anyone knowing exactly when or how: blammo! Hunger Games: the TV Show(tm).

notwithoutmytv on Drag Race: My first thought was: “How did that water buffalo escape the zoo without anyone noticing? And how did it purchase clothing?”

ash1 on 16 and Pregnant: I think he was the victim of cousin humpin’.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Named for lurid serialized stories (so like today's reality TV) that sold for a penny a copy in Victorian Britain, former National Spelling Bee finalist and multiple Science Fair award winner PennyDreadful has been writing for TVGasm since 2011, and cites MST3K as inspiration.

Follow PennyDreadful on Twitter at @kcvinweho.

 

21 Comments

  1. 1
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Oh Penny, I just laughed my ass off! Started off with my lovely comment that made the cut, and then it just went from there! Oh, and thank you so much for including that glorious comment from one Jennifer Lopez, aka Calamari’s mom!! You have made my day!! I am trying to remember where my comment came from, and I don’t think that it was the particular T&T episode that you used…

    Again, you made my day!! :)

  2. 2
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:50 am

    I sent a text to my daughter
    “I made the commentgasm 2 out of 4 months so far! I hope you are having a great birthday! This snow sux…right?”
    She sent me back a text
    “Good Job Mommie! thanx!”
    30 seconds later
    “commentgasm???WTF???????”
    Love her!

  3. 3
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:59 am

    My mom would never make this list because from what I’ve witnessed on Facebook, her comments would go something like this:

    “LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this recap! So precious! They couldn’t have picked a better candidate to write this!” ON. EVERYTHING.

    If it even needs saying, I have hidden her from my newsfeed.

  4. 4
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Judgy, oh no you didn’t? You hid your mom from your news feed? That is it, straight to hell!! LOL just kidding!!! My mom never posts so I don’t have that option. If she does, it is to comment on a picture or something I have said…then again, my mom can barely type so there is that…

    Sheesh, you crack me up… I was telling MR Z about the comments and some of the moms last night. I had to change when the DVR would record T&T cause there were 3 shows that we wanted to watch all at the same time. Needless to say, he saw what I was going to record and shook his head. He then went on to tell me that I am never ever allowed to put our child in a pageant. EVER! Then I told him about Beth and Gabby, how crazy Lori and Alaska are, and the best of the best. Peyton and her off roading little red wagon!! Even without the clip, we laughed our asses off!

  5. 5
    ellemenop
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:08 am

    i’m autism — are you?

  6. 6
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I keep it clean on facebook… “OMG…How cuuutteeee!” when I really want to say “Your child’s head is shaped like a lemondrop. You should look into that.”

    That’s why I come here…

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I love it when the forth wall comes down. I still can’t believe people don’t understand the Streisand Effect.

    How can you not love a place that pats you on the back for being rude, snarky, judgmental etc

  8. 8
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I figured I’d go to hell if I unfriended her, so I decided the passive-aggressive route would be best.

    I find myself debating whether or not to post things due to my mom’s responses. Not because what I post is inappropriate (….most of the time), but because I know it’ll annoy me.

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Sheesh, are you calling my baby a Stewie look alike? LOL

    @ellemenop- I 3 and perfect and do not want a dog in my face. Who would?

  10. 10
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Yeah on FB I keep it clean also… I do have some very conservative friends, plus some of my older family members on are there. Although, yes they do know I drop Fbombs and stuff. Still I keep it clean. Sheesh and SnowShoe know that I post many pictures of my fur babies….

    But yes, I come here to “be myself” and by “myself” I mean, that unedumacated, welfare using, ugly, fat, child creeper, that those CrayCray T&T moms think that I am!

    Most people don’t get my sarcasm and think that I am being mean. But the fact that you ladies (and gents) get me, well that is all the matters!! :)

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

    @Buggy, yes we do know that, outside of the ‘Gasm you do have class.

    No, wait…

    I mean…

    *sigh*

  12. 12
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

    @snowshoecat, you make me giggle!

    Klass? What, what is that? Or should I say Klase, klasse? wait. oh frick never mind!

  13. 13
    georgiababe
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Oh Jennifer Lopez. What a sad, misguided attempt to prove that she’s not an idiot. As someone famous once supposedly said: “Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

    The TNT recaps are my favourite! The snark never stops coming and my fellow commenters are always hilarious, I love it.

  14. 14
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    (swirling through in a cloud of rose scented farts) Another month and more me! YAY!! Oh, wait… bitchy comments are not good? NAHHHH…. YAY!!! :)

    Seriously, J-Lo…wow. What a loony tune.

    I almost spit up water with this month. I forgot how cray cray” Toddlers and Terrorist Moms” was this season.

  15. 15
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    So, to a pageant mom with multiple master’s degrees (Was it more than one? I forget.) it’s beneath her dignity to drive a Camry, but perfectly acceptable to name her child after fried squid. I have always thought that there are some people on whom a higher education should not be wasted.

  16. 16
    BedHeadJen
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Thanks PennyD! You deserve a 7 layer Little Debbie casserole with extra Star Crunch crust!
    Not only did I make the list, but I love me some J-Slow and Squidward!

  17. 17
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Je-SUS!!! I’m so sad I didn’t read the Jennifer Lopez comment in April, but I’m so happy it’s in my life now.

  18. 18
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    I made it! I made it!
    What was Sally Field’s speech? – You like me – you really, really like me!

    And @LAC – you gotta whole lotta rose scented farts a comin’. You and Itchy.

  19. 19
    Dear Crabby
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:41 am

    “CynTV on Tough Love N.O.: And the makeup – my God, woman, you call yourself a makeup artist? Who taught you, a plasterer?”

    HAHAHA!

    Oh, and it’s true, I’m autism with a side of trailor ass.

  20. 20
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Dang Jennifer Lopez was fun….

  21. 21
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    @crabby – I am consistently a-fuckin-mazed at the women who call themselves makeup artists and look like clown-hookers. I wouldn’t let them near me.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.