Commentgasm: Best in Comments: April

Recaps

By PennyDreadful | Thursday, December 20, 2012 | 7:00 am | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

CynTV on Tough Love N.O.: And the makeup – my God, woman, you call yourself a makeup artist? Who taught you, a plasterer?

BrattyMcPants on RHOC: Brooks doesn’t scream serial killer….he whispers it in my ear.

Bluedog on Toddlers & Tiaras: I agree. Some of those southern accents are hard to understand. Unlike the always understandable Aussie accent.

StageMom on Toddlers & Tiaras: Beauty pageant scoring is what you get if you cross a room full of monkeys banging on typewriters with a room full of drunken actuaries.

Pat Ledoux on Eden’s World: Me thinks Mickie spends lots of time on a barstool singing cutie patootie, blah.

crankyguy on Eden’s World: Then you missed Mickie whoopin’ and hollerin’ and gyrating in her chair during Eden’s audition for a producer, screeching “That’s my babeeee! That’s my babeeee! Whooooohooooo!!!!” Klass with a capital K, that one.

Chicken Lips on Toddlers & Tiaras: OK, anyone else not buying that “She’s named after calamari because that’s what I ate when I was pregnant”, BS? People don’t do that. If they did, my name would be Tuna and my brother would be Jalapeno.

snowshoecat on Toddlers & Tiaras: Chicken, I do believe it. I do. Want to see pictures of my kids, strawberry and sashimi?

StageMom on Toddlers & Tiaras: Since when do we use France as our moral compass?

BedHeadJen on Toddlers & Tiaras: I am willing to do what it takes to work my way up to announcer as well. #21 we have Delusiona Muffeletta. She has long brown hair and her eyes are ice blue on the left, and chocolate brown on the right. When she grows up, she wants to be Miss Universe or a husky puppy. Her favorite things are candy necklaces, watching Cinemax, and smoking her grammy’s cigarette butts. That is your contestant #21, Delusiona Muffaletta.

snowshoecat on Toddlers & Tiaras: *ahem* #47 Tahbeetha Katz: she has hair and eyes, and enjoys candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. Her favorite foods are frozen pizza rolls. Frozen.

Way more talent than its namesake. 

Jennifer Lopez on Toddlers & Tiaras: Dear Crabby, you are a loser and for the rest of you get life’s. Im thinking you Internet geeks where bullied and made fun of so all you can do is come on here and make fun and bully kids. It’s so funny your all bad asses behind your computer screen but cowards to someone face. Anyone who knows me it’s not pretty when you trash talk my baby. Dear Crabby I’m also thinking your ass is a s broad as a Tralior and you lack a life so you get pleasure out of bullying kids. For all you calling Camarie autism you are stupid or autism yourself. She talks perfect and acts perfect and showed that on tv. She deserved ultimate. As for our dogs we feed them constantly and that’s how they are built. Camarie pushed the dog out of her face because no one wants a dog in there face. So she had every right to do that. She acted like a typical 3 year old acts and is perfect. I would never own a camry as I don’t do cheap cars. So fuck off.

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Named for lurid serialized stories (so like today's reality TV) that sold for a penny a copy in Victorian Britain, former National Spelling Bee finalist and multiple Science Fair award winner PennyDreadful has been writing for TVGasm since 2011, and cites MST3K as inspiration.

Follow PennyDreadful on Twitter at @kcvinweho.

 

21 Comments

  1. 1
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Oh Penny, I just laughed my ass off! Started off with my lovely comment that made the cut, and then it just went from there! Oh, and thank you so much for including that glorious comment from one Jennifer Lopez, aka Calamari’s mom!! You have made my day!! I am trying to remember where my comment came from, and I don’t think that it was the particular T&T episode that you used…

    Again, you made my day!! :)

  2. 2
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:50 am

    I sent a text to my daughter
    “I made the commentgasm 2 out of 4 months so far! I hope you are having a great birthday! This snow sux…right?”
    She sent me back a text
    “Good Job Mommie! thanx!”
    30 seconds later
    “commentgasm???WTF???????”
    Love her!

  3. 3
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:59 am

    My mom would never make this list because from what I’ve witnessed on Facebook, her comments would go something like this:

    “LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this recap! So precious! They couldn’t have picked a better candidate to write this!” ON. EVERYTHING.

    If it even needs saying, I have hidden her from my newsfeed.

  4. 4
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Judgy, oh no you didn’t? You hid your mom from your news feed? That is it, straight to hell!! LOL just kidding!!! My mom never posts so I don’t have that option. If she does, it is to comment on a picture or something I have said…then again, my mom can barely type so there is that…

    Sheesh, you crack me up… I was telling MR Z about the comments and some of the moms last night. I had to change when the DVR would record T&T cause there were 3 shows that we wanted to watch all at the same time. Needless to say, he saw what I was going to record and shook his head. He then went on to tell me that I am never ever allowed to put our child in a pageant. EVER! Then I told him about Beth and Gabby, how crazy Lori and Alaska are, and the best of the best. Peyton and her off roading little red wagon!! Even without the clip, we laughed our asses off!

  5. 5
    ellemenop
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:08 am

    i’m autism — are you?

  6. 6
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I keep it clean on facebook… “OMG…How cuuutteeee!” when I really want to say “Your child’s head is shaped like a lemondrop. You should look into that.”

    That’s why I come here…

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I love it when the forth wall comes down. I still can’t believe people don’t understand the Streisand Effect.

    How can you not love a place that pats you on the back for being rude, snarky, judgmental etc

  8. 8
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I figured I’d go to hell if I unfriended her, so I decided the passive-aggressive route would be best.

    I find myself debating whether or not to post things due to my mom’s responses. Not because what I post is inappropriate (….most of the time), but because I know it’ll annoy me.

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Sheesh, are you calling my baby a Stewie look alike? LOL

    @ellemenop- I 3 and perfect and do not want a dog in my face. Who would?

  10. 10
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Yeah on FB I keep it clean also… I do have some very conservative friends, plus some of my older family members on are there. Although, yes they do know I drop Fbombs and stuff. Still I keep it clean. Sheesh and SnowShoe know that I post many pictures of my fur babies….

    But yes, I come here to “be myself” and by “myself” I mean, that unedumacated, welfare using, ugly, fat, child creeper, that those CrayCray T&T moms think that I am!

    Most people don’t get my sarcasm and think that I am being mean. But the fact that you ladies (and gents) get me, well that is all the matters!! :)

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

    @Buggy, yes we do know that, outside of the ‘Gasm you do have class.

    No, wait…

    I mean…

    *sigh*

  12. 12
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

    @snowshoecat, you make me giggle!

    Klass? What, what is that? Or should I say Klase, klasse? wait. oh frick never mind!

  13. 13
    georgiababe
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Oh Jennifer Lopez. What a sad, misguided attempt to prove that she’s not an idiot. As someone famous once supposedly said: “Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

    The TNT recaps are my favourite! The snark never stops coming and my fellow commenters are always hilarious, I love it.

  14. 14
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    (swirling through in a cloud of rose scented farts) Another month and more me! YAY!! Oh, wait… bitchy comments are not good? NAHHHH…. YAY!!! :)

    Seriously, J-Lo…wow. What a loony tune.

    I almost spit up water with this month. I forgot how cray cray” Toddlers and Terrorist Moms” was this season.

  15. 15
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    So, to a pageant mom with multiple master’s degrees (Was it more than one? I forget.) it’s beneath her dignity to drive a Camry, but perfectly acceptable to name her child after fried squid. I have always thought that there are some people on whom a higher education should not be wasted.

  16. 16
    BedHeadJen
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Thanks PennyD! You deserve a 7 layer Little Debbie casserole with extra Star Crunch crust!
    Not only did I make the list, but I love me some J-Slow and Squidward!

  17. 17
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Je-SUS!!! I’m so sad I didn’t read the Jennifer Lopez comment in April, but I’m so happy it’s in my life now.

  18. 18
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    I made it! I made it!
    What was Sally Field’s speech? – You like me – you really, really like me!

    And @LAC – you gotta whole lotta rose scented farts a comin’. You and Itchy.

  19. 19
    Dear Crabby
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:41 am

    “CynTV on Tough Love N.O.: And the makeup – my God, woman, you call yourself a makeup artist? Who taught you, a plasterer?”

    HAHAHA!

    Oh, and it’s true, I’m autism with a side of trailor ass.

  20. 20
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Dang Jennifer Lopez was fun….

  21. 21
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    @crabby – I am consistently a-fuckin-mazed at the women who call themselves makeup artists and look like clown-hookers. I wouldn’t let them near me.

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