Commentgasm: Best In Comments: March 2012

Recaps

By CynTV | Wednesday, December 19, 2012 | 7:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , ,
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

Polk8dot on The Bachelor Finale: … Overall, I think Ben has shown himself to be a callous, empty-headed, juvenile, heartless and above all selfish, cad. He takes over the mantle of a man-wh0re from Bob Guinney; the mantle of a coward and a pus$y from Jason Mesnick; the mantle of the ultimate I-know-better dumbass from Jake Pavelka. May you reign supreme for many, many seasons, you douche, along with you evil queen, and may she pester your existence. You guys sooooooo deserve each other.

Notwithoutmytv on The Bachelor Finale: That’s the trope: “You’re fantastic and you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m the luckiest man in the world for having met you. I love you more than anyone else in the entire universe… except for that other bimbo. So. Catch you on the flip? I guess?” All the screen captures in these recaps make Ben’s protruding jaw look even more like that of a learning disabled Australopithecus than usual. I bet Ben’s dad is in heaven doing an everlasting face palm. And… …Jason Mesnick will forever wear the mantle of “Heavy Weight Champion Pussy of the World”. Any would-be Champion Pussy challenger would look at the footage of Mesnick sniveling on a balcony and say “Nope. Can’t no one beat that pussy.”

Ash1 on The Bachelor Finale: Anyway…Good to solve the mystery of where Ben got his monkey face…mom is a walking advertisement for evolution… Unfortunately, he also must have gotten his brains from her, since she was so easily snookered by creepy baby-woman Courtney. The winner here is Lindsay (not going to do it) who managed to escape the monkey-fingers and bad genes of Ben and will live to tan another day. Thank god this season is over. Hey abc, crazy idea…next time pick a guy who has ANY ONE of these qualities: 1. great personality 2. intelligence 3. smokin’ hotness. In other words…whatever criteria you used to choose Ben, use the opposite next time!

Maryedith on The River: Also, if Lena gives ONE MORE “WTF” look to the cameraman I am going to reach into my tv and smack her. We’ve got it; you’re supposed to be being filmed ON THE SHOW.

SuburBint on Celebrity Apprentice: I’m pretty sure when Adam said he was “tumescent” he meant it as in “I have a chubby.” That’s the context that the word is usually used in, and frankly I’m impressed that his vocabulary extends that far. And… Loved the whole Padme Amidala/Cruella DeVille’s love child bit. I am surprised every week by how smart Aubrey is, I tend to forget because I’m still marveling over how they got a life-sized Barbie doll to move and speak so naturally. Must be witchcraft.

Snowshoecat on Celebrity Apprentice: Grrrrrrrrr. Money and powah! Trump is eeeeeeeeevil. When we all go to hell (with our beer) he better not be nearby ’cause we won’t even sell him any. Better yet, I hope he is so rich and powerful that he gets his own private hell. Debbie Who?

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CynTV
About

In the immortal words of No Doubt: I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl in the world. Hopefully. There's nothing I like better than mixing a fine cosmo, putting my feet up and laughing my ass off reading a Tvgasm recap. The reality is that the cosmo is actually a grape Kool Aid - but the rest of it is true!!

15 Comments

  1. 1
    georgiababe
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Oh dear, I’m 1/3 for being hilarious. It’s quite clear to me what the problem is: I don’t watch enough trashy television. I know what I must do.

  2. 2
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I made it! HOORAY!!!! This was the month that my ex-husband and I separated so I totally forgot I wrote that and it feels like a lifetime ago. I feel proud.

    Holla!

  3. 3
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Wow. I think I didn’t discover this site til after March, because I gotta tell you – I would have remembered those Bachelor finale comments. Sheesh. Not to say I don’t completely agree, though! Ben was a douche, man – I guess I managed to block out the memory of his douchiness until now.

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 9:27 am

    wow–and another knod!!!!! Thanks CynTV—-am going to work hard to keep up the good snark!!!!!

  5. 5
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

    OMG – the new commentgasm is here, the new commentgasm is here! I am somebody!

    God, we got some funny snark here. I needed this after two days on my back with a miserable cold.

  6. 6
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I am just so happy to gave Commentgasm back. Reading all the great lines is like having Christmas right now in…

    Oh wait. It’s December. Well, it’s like having Christmas.

    Even though we actually are having Christmas…

    I mean it’s…

    Nevermind.

  7. 7
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

    I must have been sober during the first few months of this year! And dude, why did I just have to watch a 25 seconce crest commerical to get the security code? I use Colgate, dammit!

  8. 8
    annie annie
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Woo hoo! I made it :)

    These are great comments Gasmi! We are a funny, snarky, and awesome bunch for sure

  9. 9
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    @Parisi – I’m also finishing up October (way to slide in under the gun she says to self), and I think you’re in that month too. Hope you’re doing well.
    @snowshoecat – I agree. Love, love reading everyone’s comments!
    @hot cawfee – Aw thanks. I needed that. I managed to get the flu over the last weekend after feeling crappy for 2 weeks. Thank God that’s mostly over and done with. Now if someone will recap my meager LATC recaps…

  10. 10
    mere2142
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I love reliving all of these comments! And I finally made it in though I don’t remember saying that…oh well!

  11. 11
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    @Cyn-Thank you hun. As long as I make someone laugh, I feel better. Or when I take a few of my pain pills. Either way, I feel better!

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Sure it was a cold that had you on your back LAC :)

  13. 13
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Totally agree @LAC! Last year I had just started visiting the site and I’ve been patiently waiting a year for Commentgasm lol. Yay!

    Thanks, @CynTV!! I feel like somebody now, too :-)

  14. 14
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Thanks @CynTV, for including me 3 times! :-) I could make fun of GG and Colton all day!

  15. 15
    maryedith
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Wow, I was really angry at The Walking Dead back then. That show did a total 180! Thanks for noticing me, Cyn.

    @Captain, my code is always about Dish, which I would never, ever trade DirecTV for.

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