Commentgasm: February 2012

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Tuesday, December 18, 2012 | 7:00 am | 11 Comments
Tagged: , , , , ,
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

Jimbob Jones on “Top Chef”:  “OK, more important than the recap this time…

What the friggin’ hell is up with that scary-ass “Sheila D” woman? She has been the “submitter of the most votes” every single damn week, and you just KNOW she’s the freaky stalker bitch keeping Chris Scary on top of the fan favorites.

Does she think that if she votes for him, he’s going to find her and throw her down among her 73 cats and make freaky love to her?”

 LAC on “Real Housewives of OC”:  “Another great recap!! Thank you!

Gretchen – wow, there was a time that sans makeup worked on her, but now…. Here’s the roller paint brush and the foundation – two coats, please! Damn, what happened to her skin?

Look, I have my food dislikes too, but I am sooooo fucking tired of watching these dumb heiffas ruin every scene in a restaurant with their trailer park stupidity and rudeness. I guess Vicki should have poured the food in martini glasses and told them it was a new drink. The idiots would have gone to town on that. And really, Alexis and Gretchen? You suck gross appendages on a regular basis – at least these taste good.

Peggy – buh bye. This is only time I am on Team JesusBarbie and I am pissed off about it. But Alexis was right – ya had months to talk about this. Why when the cameras are on and you had a few, you want to talk? Go do your sketelor impressions someplace else.

the Vicki/eddie/tamra/brooks Catalina clusterfuck. First of all…Vicki? Please! Girl, ya drink…a lot! you do shots, down martinis, beer bongs, wine by the bottle. Please stop with the ingenue act. Second, Tamra…Eddie is about the best you are going to do in the younger man department. Why fuck it up with yet another soon to be patented move from your Desperate for Attention playbook?
Seriously, no one other than Vicki thinks she’s a MILF, so why the worry? And no more grooming Eddie – gross! It is sad two old slappers trying to be giggly 22 year olds.

Heather, you can’t fit a baby in that house? I fit 22 people in my house for thanksgiving dinner and we live in a modest colonial. I would give you my tiny violin, but then you would have to buy land to fit it in. Blurgh!!”

labowner on “Real Housewives of OC”:  “Yanksfan it could have been on of those gavels that you use to tenderize meat. Same concept on that face of hers. Pock marked to hell. Someone lost their fight with acne.

Yes LAC those are oysters that have pearls. I don’t remember anything coming from a crayfish. Probably why they didn’t partake. As the Radiators sang – bite the head, squeeze the tip.”

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

11 Comments

  1. 1
    jerseyj
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 7:11 am

    You love me! You really love me! I’d like to thank the members of the academy and the cast of jersey shore for the plethora of STD jokes :) Also, my elementary school history teacher for imparting upon me the knowledge that Native Americans were largely wiped out by smallpox infested blankets. But…mostly the STD jokes :p

  2. 2
    dear crabby
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 7:41 am

    “Australopithecus trying to figure out an iPad.” – totally brilliant!

  3. 3
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 7:46 am

    I think it’s safe to say that there could be an entire Commentgasm dedicated to the musings of notwithoutmytv. You, my friend, are a comic genius.

  4. 4
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 8:05 am

    ^Truth.

  5. 5
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Man, I hope my comments get better later in the year. I got one in each month, but I’m a bit disappointed in the quality of them.

    A lot of these are comedy GOLD though.

  6. 6
    labowner
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Oh my gawd. I made it twice this month. Yeah. Thank you to all my muses. Everyone clap with me “Hercules, Hercules, Hercules”. Or jump around with me ala Tracy Flick – best movie evah.

    Heads up – the page goes screwy on 7 and 8.

  7. 7
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Excellent job Gasmii. Way to smark out way into infamy!

  8. 8
    April
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    aww good job guys. I gotta try harder next year to get on there!

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    April you still have 10 months of comments to go. You may make it.

  10. 10
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    *I meant each month *so far*. I figure I made enough funny, stupid, stupid, stupid comments to get in a few more times, but not all 12.

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Hey— There’s me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!!

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