Commentgasm: January 2012

Recaps

By plockness monster | Monday, December 17, 2012 | 7:00 am | 32 Comments
Tagged: , , , ,
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

It’s the time of year to appreciate what we have. Here at TVgasm, we have terrible attitudes and hilarious readers. And we are thankful. Read this to see why. Join us every weekday until 2013 for a new month of our fave comments. PlocknessMonster presents The Best in Comments for January, 2012!

Screen Shot 2012-12-15 At 4.45.57 Pm

Itchy on “Toddlers and Tiaras ”: “Considering jerking off is the closest I come to prayer, I do believe ‘Jackin’ it to Jesus’ is quite appropriate. I just wish the phrase wasn’t associated with a show about child abuse.”

S-Natch on “Mob Wives”: “I would never wish what happened to Renee during her sex reassignment surgery on anyone, but I certainly hope that people take the results as a cautionary tale (especially those pedophile bitches – such as myself – who are slamming Little Debbies and commenting on T N T).”

John Bender on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “Jesus (to Connie): “STOP THAT. ALSO, PLEASE DON’T EAT ME.”

Gypsy on “RHOBH”: “That Therapy session was SO staged! I’ll bet Camille’s asshole on it.”

kthxbai on “RHOBH”: “Bravo needs put up a warning that says this show contains scenes that may not be suitable for viewers that do not wish to throw up at this time.”

NotwithoutmyTv on “Mob Wives”: “Remember that shot of the plastic surgeons dumping a folded chunk of Renee’s blubber on a side table? I could’ve sworn one of the nurses was Tyler Durden.”

Itchy on “The Bachelor”: “I wonder if they announced the Bachelor before they did the recruiting? Because I just don’t see the herds stampeding the show for this guy.”

NotwithoutmyTv on “The Bachelor”: “Last night I had a dream about Chris Harrison. In it, we sat down over two cups of tea; there is a theory that you can’t share two cups of tea with a person and still hate them, because now you will know them. Over the first cup of tea, Chris and I discussed some of my concerns about his choice of vocation, his involvement with the Bachelor(ette) franchise, and the calibre of his personal character. Then, we poured a second cup, and Chris Harrison told me about his childhood, his hopes and dreams, and where he sees himself in five years. Chris Harrison smiled and said, “Well, now I think we understand each other!” I replied, “Yes, I think we do. Shinobi!” At that command, Shinobi, my ninja retainer, shot Chris Harrison in the neck with a poison dart. Then I had another cup of tea.”

2muchbravo on “Top Chef Texas”: “Not only is Eddie’s unhingeable jaw annoying to watch, he’s kind of a douche.”

BedHeadJen on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “From the looks of Alanas hair-don’t, June has a shitload of coupons for Ogilvie Home Perm kits.”

Pegster on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “DEGRESS! I have DEGRESS! Sorry, I felt left out.”

Gilty Plezzur on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “I used to watch a fun, informative show where these two affable guys would teach you how to refinish furniture. Now TLC has shows where people EAT furniture.”

Pages: 1 2 3 4

I am here for your amusement. 

32 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:27 am

    PLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness LOOK AT YOU GURL! Congratulations!

  2. 2
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:33 am

    oh, I love it when these come about! I hope I make the list again…sometimes I think I am funny, but mostly it is in my head! I see lots of T N T in there….There were so many…I remember that crazy mom! The dumb bitch!

  3. 3
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Congrats to you guys!
    I’m swimming in Toddlers and Tiaras memories right now.
    It’s the consistency of warm chablis and smushed Little Debbies.

  4. 4
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 10:32 am

    @sheesh – OMG LOL!!

    I think the comments on Commentgasm should warrant their own Commentgasm….
    (say that ten times fast while sipping the alcoholic drink of your choice..)

  5. 5
    Clair Clair
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Yay, Commentgasm is back!!! I hope I was funny enough to make it in at least once, although hardly watch any TV anymore, so my chances are pretty slim.

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 11:59 am

    “Jordann lero on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “I’m Adrianas aunt. No my sister did NOT shave her back.”” — it’s going to be hard for anyone to top this one. This year’s winner?

  7. 7
    Pegster
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Ok, can somebody tell me why I said, “DEGRESS! DEGRESS!”? Because it’s attributed to me and I have no idea why I would’ve said it. IT CAN HAZ NO SENSE MAKING.

  8. 8
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Pegster, Calamari’s mom came on and said she had many Degress…and pretty much told us we were all fat, ugly, uneducated, crappy people for commenting on her precious child…Well I think it was Calamari’s mom. We have had many a Delusiona Pageant mom come on here and tell us that…I may have to go and look up whom it actually was…I did use the who/whom pronoun right? that one always gets me!!

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Was it our beloved Candice?

  10. 10
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Crap, there are like 5…so yeah might take me a while! Hope that helps Pegster!

  11. 11
    Pegster
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Thanks! It also clears up why I commented on a Toddlers and Tiaras recap. I don’t even watch that shit. There must have been a 200 comment war that DREW ME IN.

  12. 12
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Of course there was a T & T comment war!!! I think CandASS started it, but there was lots of talk of “degress,” even God joined in on the convo.

    There could be a whole commentgasm dedicated to T & T and the Teen Moms. People get really angry on those boards…really, really angry.

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Same here Pegster…couldn’t resist that hot mess. I think one thread even got close to 300…I totally remember God, Plock…that was amazing!

  14. 14
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Those T&T comment wars is what got me hooked on this site. The hilarious recaps too, of course. Good times, good times.

  15. 15
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Yeah, one of those T&T recaps got over 300 comments…those moms bring out the cray-cray in all of us!

  16. 16
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Good times…

  17. 17
    georgiababe
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I love these, they are so much fun to read every year. And it seems like every year, without fail, there is a comment war with one of the illiterate moms from TNT that gets included. Gold. Pure gold.

  18. 18
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    @Plockness, I am in heaven! Missed the commengasm soooooooo much, and then to have you ‘capping it is, in the immortal words of Ed Grimley, just too sensational If you know what I mean, and I think you do. Well, if Ed Grimley channeled Monty Python.

    How on earth did you choose the best of the best? Impossible task, but you’re up to it.

  19. 19
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I went back and read the previous years’ Commentgasms. I discovered I used to be much funnier. I think I’ll blame my deteriorating humor on having gotten a job…

  20. 20
    maryedith
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Getting a job has hurt my wit too, catty. Those were good times back in January, weren’t they? The TnT thread was like a cocktail party with two or three seriously crazy people roaming around breaking things.

  21. 21
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 12:03 am

    This is the first commentgasm I haven’t made it on. That’s what I get for canceling cable.

  22. 22
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 12:17 am

    You still make me laugh, cattyfan! Well, maybe not in the way you intend it, but still… ;-)

  23. 23
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 4:36 am

    @SarClassy, I didn’t make it either, but then I’m not as witty as you.

    I blame the Mayan apocalypse.

  24. 24
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 5:58 am

    itchy…one of the comments I read from the old years was from you, and it’s STILL one of the funniest things. About the models synching their digestion, or lack thereof.

  25. 25
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    @gypsy-you could be right in that it was Candass….she was mad that we were talking about her little Alexes…

  26. 26
    kczar
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Is it sad that I feel like a celebrity because I made the cut? It was thrilling and depressing at the same time. But I’ll take it. Virtual acceptance!!

  27. 27
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    By the way, plockness, welcome aboard the recapping train! May you never get a Person of Interest!

  28. 28
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Thanks y’all! I’m feeling the live and sending it right back at ya.

    Shameless self promotion time!! Check out the Shahs of Sunset recap :)

  29. 29
    Liz
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    @kzcar – EXACTLY what you said. Fist bumps and such.

  30. 30
    BedHeadJen
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Commentgasm time! Wow, that was a quick year! I am going to celebrate all of the joy the Gasmii brings to my life with a 7 layer Little Debbie casserole.

  31. 31
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 8:42 am

    bbwwaahhhaahaaaaa— Congrats to all!!!!!
    This is truly the most magical time of year—every time a commenter gets a knod, and angel gets their wings!!!!!!!

  32. 32
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Oh that TNT scandal when the minicap carried over to the recap was linked to the minicap…wow Candass was some kind of cray for sure but it made the winter bearable as sick as that is to admit.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.