Couples Therapy Recap: Dourtney crashes and burns

Recaps

By eyediosmio | Sunday, November 4, 2012 | 7:27 pm | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Couples Therapy, Recaps

Hello there Gasmii, and welcome to our first official session of TVGasm Therapy, pull up a chair and let’s unpack this, shall we?

Now, I, like you, get much enjoyment out of watching trainwreck television.  It makes me feel better about my life, it really does.  I am all about the schadenfreude and watching stupid people get their comeuppance and act a fool.  Then, when I yell at some idiot in traffic I can think to myself, well at least I didn’t pull her wig off and make a scene like Sheree and Nene.  You hear where I’m coming from?

So, anyway, this recap I’d really like to encourage you to just let go, and fully embrace the experience.  And when I say “embrace the experience,” what I really mean is tear Courtney and Doug a new one.  Let’s face it, these two bottomfeeders came on this show to get on tv, end of story.   They are hoping to parlay this tv appearance into a reality show about how Courtney is “misunderstood,” but I think we all understand her very well.  She’s an attention-whore, who is 17 and married to an old delusional has-been who no one will hire now that he’s been labeled a borderline pedophile.  And I think we can all happily watch this and know that if Spencer and Heidi didn’t ever get their own show (besides the one they hijacked), these two numnuts won’t get theirs either.  But I could be wrong – right Kardashians?

Oh, and I would like to thank you all so much for your comments and research – who knew Phaedra and TooShort were together back in the day?  That’s AWESOME gossip!  I can’t say I’m not surprised, she loves telling everyone how she represents rap stars.   FWB should take Phaedra’s lead and just kick him to the curb and find herself a gorgeous ex-con to impregnate her just like our lovely Phae.  You listening FWB?   

I could editorialize all day, but you didn’t come here for that did you?  I didn’t think so.  Let’s tear these asshats apart so we can feel better about ourselves, shall we?  Self-esteen repair, activate!

The show opens with our lovely Doc, who is endearing herself to me so very much.   She is taking Whoreteny shopping to see if she can make her wardrobe a little less stripper, and point it towards just “slutty.”   I love this segment, because it’s kind of like that movie Nell, where Jodi Foster lived in the woods and made up her own language?   Our little Court kind of babbles on and on – makes no sense, and creates her own societal rules.  You know where she found those rules?   Old Testament:  Sodom and Gomorrah.  Unfortunately she doesn’t turn to salt, because she’s already 100% plastic.

Doc says she wants:  no midriff, no boobs coming out, and no underwear showing.

Courtney’s response?   She finds it fascinating about how her desire to be different affects other people.  So she’ll “Cover up my boobies and see if it helps ‘their marriage.’”

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eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

18 Comments

  1. 1
    ecthelion
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Oh man, Doug’s melty face IS creepy, isn’t it? And his total denial and submission to every bit of disrespect she tosses his way churns my stomach so I don’t which is harder to watch. Plus I hate him for taking one of my favorite movies (The Green Mile) and turning it in to one that I will never be able to watch again. But, like most of us Trainwreck=I keep watching which makes me hate myself so I may need therapy by the time this season is over. Oh, when Doug made the comment that he just wants to be Courtney’s equal?? Was he riding on the back of Gary Busey’s bike when it crashed because he shows absolutely no grown up understanding what-so-ever!! And the Nic flirting? If I were Shane I would have kicked her a** right then and there.

  2. 2
    ecthelion
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    *know* which is harder to watch, sorry.

  3. 3
    LadyStardust
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Yeah, fuck you Doug for also making Lost utterly unwatchable during any scene you were in. Thanks a lot, douche.

    I’m failing to see how she “saves lives” (eye roll) or is taking a stand for repressed individuals by dressing like a cheap hooker. She’s taking a stand for people who can’t dress how they want? Who can’t dress how they want? Children who’s parents won’t let them leave the house in stripper wear? Uh, sure, there’s a good cause. People who have a dress code at work and are therefore unable to dress how they want? I’m sure they need to be saved by Courtney. Unless she’s speaking for the poor women in burkas over in the middle east, then I’m not so sure who she is trying to save.

    And why are all of her shorts/jeans hiked up so HIGH? I know high waisted pants are coming back into style, but dear lord hers look weird. Like they’re higher on the sides than in the middle. It’s like she yanks them up on the sides to get maximum camel toe and/or under-butt cleavage.

  4. 4
    thespiral
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 5:12 am

    I think the continued existence of the Dourtney trainwreck on this show is a clear sign the therapy angle is fake fake FAKE. Because there’s no real group couple’s therapy in existence that would keep people around who make a mockery of the process, constantly argue with the therapist, and actually jeopardize other people’s therapeutic processes (i.e. propositioning a married man who’s there to fix his marriage.) They would’ve been unceremoniously kicked out of any REAL therapy session, so this just shows it’s a ratings game and that Vh1 cares as much about saving these peoples’ relationships as they care about keeping people sober and not dead on Celebrity Rehab. So that makes Tiny’s confession of sexual abuse twice as sad, since she is obviously opening up as she would to a real therapist, and she’s actually just being exploited for ratings.

    Also, if I were Shayne I would’ve opened an ALMIGHTY can of whoop ass on that little tart, and would’ve gladly caught a child abuse charge for it. Hitting on a married man with kids in couple’s therapy is more than just annoying, it’s straight up evil and BEGGING for an old fashioned beatdown.

  5. 5
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 6:28 am

    @ecthelion and LadyStardust: I’m not a huge fan of either the movie (Green Mile – seen it once, too sad won’t watch again; Lost – i stopped watching after season 1 – too obtuse), so he hasn’t ruined any good tv/movie for me, thank God. Although Courtney has ruined pink frosted lipstick for me FOR LIFE!

    @thespiral: It is a total insult to the word “Therapy” that they are allowing an underage age girl hit on other patients, and to behave the way she does. It actually does more harm than good, and it’s a total sham. However, you r so right re: Tiny, because she’s actually trying to work through some issue.

    BUT, why WHY WHY would you ever go on tv and talk about your marital problems? I don’t really even discuss things with FRIENDS because I keep my marriage so very sacred, you know? So I think here everyone had to know what they could have been in for. I mean, they had Linda Hogan on last time with her little boy toy. . . as IF that’s a serious relationship. Gross.

  6. 6
    Honeybee
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Whoreass is taking a cue from the \embrace your individuality and be who you are\ that is in general geared toward outcasts. In general that applies to young adults who are not following the masses. So for her to basterdize it as an excuse for her inappropriate behavior is just a slap in the face to society.

    What this girl fails to realize is that \who you are, is not what you wear\. If this chick took off her stripper wear, took off her pushup bra, put her hair in a ponytail, and scrapped off all of that makeup she would be just another 17 year old girl. Nobody would look at her and nobody would talk about her. If she wanted that she would be with a guy her own age and graduating high school. But EVERYONE knows that’s not the goal. The goal was to become famous. What she didn’t realize is that fame and infamy are two very different things. Doug loves the attention they both get. I hope they both just fade away and never return.

  7. 7
    sweetblondie
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Whatever ends up happening for Courtney…my guess is she’ll be able to make herself relevant for a long time to come (see: Lindsay Lohan).

    It’s Doug’s next 10 years that I’m looking foward to seeing…

  8. 8
    mere2142
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Okay I have never seen this show but decided to read since I have a passing knowledge of the existence of Doug and Courtney. But Alex and Simon are on as well? From RHONY?? Someone please tell me when this trainwreck is on because I think I’m missing some amazing reality tv here!

  9. 9
    jp
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

    If courtney does end up marrying someone wealthy and having a great life after doug it will be a sad day for us all. But at least we still have self respect right?

    This my favorite TV doc in a while, yeah its on tv so some of it is for ratings but she does not seem nearly as vile as Dr drew and I think she is pretty good at working with celebrities and understanding their special brand of bullshit.

    I know what Alex did was really uncalled for but it was also hilarious. So on the fence with that one!

    I think coutney just makes nik want to vomit. Me too. I cant believe shayne was able to hold herself back during the big flirt scene! Good for her, not sure if I could have done the same! Courtney needs to go visit a hospital or something and see what \saving lives\ is really like, I assure you that it is nothing like what she is doing here! She contributes NOTHING to society!!

    I remember from a while ago courtney said she would never go to college but only the \school of doug\ barf barf barf!

  10. 10
    LadyStardust
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

    sweetblondie: See, the thing with Lindsay Lohan is that she actually had some talent before she snorted it all up her nose. She had a lot going for her BEFORE she became a cracked out fame-whore. Courtney is just the latter (come on, she has to be on SOMETHING with those weird facial tics and stuff).

    I’m hoping Courtney and Doug fade away in the same way as Spencer and Heidi. So absolutely irritating and useless that their outrageous antics didn’t even warrant anyone paying attention anymore. Aren’t they broke and living with his mom or something now? Doug has said that he is pretty much blacklisted in Hollywood now. Courtney obviously has no useful skills unless she gets into stripping or porn (which I’m sure is against her very high “Christian” ethics). I can’t see them getting their own reality show. Sure, people like the Kardashians are useless and can be irritating and have a reality show, but Dourtney just makes people feel disgusted. There’s absolutely nothing redeeming about those two. So, I see the money drying up very quickly as well as their “fame”.

  11. 11
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    There’s no way to post pictures here, right? Courtney tweeted a picture of herself without make up, and while she still does her weirdo pornstar wanna-be come fuck me face, she actually looks like a very pretty fresh faced young girl. Unfortunately a very damaged young girl. Too bad we’ll likely never see just what has happened in her life to have made her so effed up. Because there’s no way she got this way with a rainbows and unicorns upbringing.

    Inevitably Dourtney will go the way of Speidi, where news outlets and paparazzi ban themselves from giving them any attention, no matter what they do to get it. It’s so sad, this girl’s life is over before it even started if she continues in this manner. I really can’t stand her, but my pity for her is much stronger than my hatred.

  12. 12
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Courtney is a straight up whore. She may not be selling it, but she’s got that whore ‘tude in spades. That isn’t going to change. When you watch her face it isn’t the vacuous expression of a dull girl it is the intelligent face of a feral creature who would eff you and roll you for your wallet. I think she’s a sociopath. And there’s no way she and Doug haven’t calculated every word and move for maximum exposure in preparation for the next phase of their ‘relationship’, which will occur once she turns eighteen. I think they were hoping for more legit work but will settle for a stellar porn career. Because of her notoriety and exposure underage now, she is all set to make big bucks in porn once she hits eighteen. Sadly, she already looks like a washed up forty year old hooker now so I’m not sure how long the ‘bloom’ will be on that rose once she goes there. But if they don’t get legit gigs mark my words, the porn career is next on the horizon.

    And not to be obnoxious, but it’s ‘per se’ not ‘per say’. Just sayin’. :)

  13. 13
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    @Andyourlittledogtoo: Thanks for that! I always welcome corrections, trust.

    and you are right, she’s pigeonholed herself regarding entertainment opportunities, so she will only find work in the adult industry. But she knows it, she is very very calculating and relying on her “youth” as an excuse to behave the way she does. It’s so weird and twisted.

    And I am enjoying the Doc more and more, she frequently calls peopleout on their bullshit and I have a feeling Alex will get a nice ass chewing out of her dollars for dances bit, even though it cracked me up.

  14. 14
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Oh, and while I’m at this I want to express the opinion that although obviously something somewhere went wrong during Courtney’s childhood I think her parents were thrilled to be rid of her based on what we’ve seen of her personality. They probably were so happy when Doug took her away they couldn’t wait to sign the papers allowing the marriage to go forward. I love my kids but if Courtney were one of mine I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t be happy to see her gone from my home and my sight. The girl is a sociopath. If she’d hooked up with a different man we’d probably be seeing her in ten years on one of those ID famous murderers shows – Wicked Attraction or something.

    I guess we’ll see what happens and who is right after time passes. But that’s my take on Courtney.

  15. 15
    Dinah
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Sorry, Andyourlittledogtoo, but mommy lives next door. her mom is the person who made her like this, suggested they get married, etc, etc. Krista is a crazy bitch, as is well-known in Ocean Shores. She’s also known for being calculating and vicious. She has planned most of this out, and as soon as she was away from Ocean Shores and her husband, she started looking for fresh (read: wealthy) meat for herself, as well. She’s boinking some new-age guru type, and he and his idiot friends are apparently OBLIVIOUS to who and what she is! Dad is back in Ocean Shores, probably having to send his paycheque, because they sure ain’t makin’ bank! A radio DJ once, for some unknown reason, wanted to promote Courtney’s ‘music’. She e-mailed back that they wanted $3 MILLION! He said it wasn’t a paying gig, he was going to be promoting her in MANY cities and markets, but she said, \Too bad, we want money!\ This is the kind of crap she pulls, and when she gets called on it, she tries to claim she was ‘hacked’. She is racist, homophobic, and just plain stupid.

  16. 16
    screamingsiren
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 5:25 am

    @dinah – Doesn’t Courtney have sisters? Are they like her or are they “normal”?

  17. 17
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

    @Dinah – wait wait WAIT! The Momager is around? That kind of makes some weird Svengali sense – and is so CREEEEEEPY! This just gets grosser and grosser

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Believe it or not I actually think Dr. J genuinely cares about her patients – like for realsies – as you alluded to, eyediosmio. She appeared seriously upset that the kid, yup, KID, she had been treating was leaving a place that could potentially help her fucked up, hyper sexual, manipulative little girl self (on the inside, anyway).

    My other minority opinion is that Dougie-Fresh (I love it when Nik called him that lol) really is bothered by her style or lack thereof. I would bet he realizes the gimmick only lasts as long as she stays controversial, however, what he really wants is for his WIFE to stop being a whore-ish spectacle and to give HIM the attention she forces on others. What a cluster fuck!

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