It gets even more disgusting because Delusional Doug then laughs it off as, “Aw, that Courtney – she just can’t help herself!”
Doug, listen. I think she can, and does help herself. Probably to all of your friends (if you have any left) and any willing participant out there.
Shayne hears Whoretney’s rehearsed lines from her upcoming porn auditions, and confronts Delusional Doug about his wife’s inappropriate behavior which he OF COURSE flips it, declares Whoretney the victiim and Shayne a black magic witch.
If that slut monkey comes after my man one more time, I’m gonna fling some poo! Ooo Oooo, Eeee Eeee!
While, she does oftentimes resemble Stevie Nicks with her long blond locks and baggy clothes, she’s not the problem here Dougie. Your wife’s inappropriate sexual advances on other couples in the house who are tryiing to repair their marriages is the problem.
Some of you have suggested that Shayne’s main issue is that Nik is sexually attracted to Whoretney and she’s insecure and Nik is conflicted and that’s why he hates her. Let me agree and disagree with you here.
Whoretney’s whole aim in this house to be a walking, talking sex doll. Everything she says and does involves her being a sexual object and she pushes that at every turn. I think a grown man would be hard pressed NOT to see that/react to it. That being said, I also think Nik’s other main issue with Whoretney is that she is every father’s worst nightmare. I am reminded of Chris Rock’s bit about how a father’s only aim in life is to keep his daughter out of clear heels and off the pole. You just know that Courtney’s only job option involves sex work. Again – Parent FAIL!
The next segment is group therapy session and it’s so friggin painful you guys, so I am going to just briefly tell you what happens.
Shayne dresses up as a castmember from Oliver to lighten the mood.
Tiny shares a story about how she was sexually molested and we see how Jojo is really present for her and you guys, I just know this is why she hangs on to him so tightly because I am sure when he’s not drinking he is probably so very present in their marriage. And that’s sad. Alex shares how she had to deal with her father’s death at the age of 11 and how her mother totally checked out and Alex had to be the grown up and she does that does that weird scary faced cry. Again, so friggin sad you guys!
But then, THEN we move onto the real reason we watch this trainwreck show, Courtney and her husband Delusional Doug, who is wearing a hat today to distract us from his epically bad hair piece. Here’s a hint Dougie: the doo-rags and hats didn’t work for Bret Michaels – it isn’t working you. Let it go, you look like an idiot.
Whoretney dresses up as Lita Ford, and Doug as Freddy Crougar. (What is UP with his melty face?!)
Of course, Court brings nothing to the group. First of all, she’s still a child. I have a feeling if you asked her this question in a therapy session ten years from now it would be this answer: When I was 16 my parents married me off to a creepy old pedophile because they were horrible people who didn’t love me. I then was forced into sex work to keep the money coming in, and now I am struggling to overcome a crippling meth addiction and deblitating self-esteem issues. Thanks Dr. Drew.”
Ugh, she’s very defensive and basically says her childhood was all unicorn farts and rainbows.
Alex interrupts her rehearsed monologue of perfect life and says: We’re hearing about the didn’ts and the won’ts, but what DID happen? What DIDN’T happen?
And I cheer, because obviously something has happened in her life to make her so defensive. But I think what happened, what is so traumatic, she is undergoing at this moment. I think also that Dr. Jenn sees that and this is perhaps why she’s been so patient with her. God blessyou Doc, but I think it’s a lost cause and you may just have to help her pick up the pieces on the other side of this thing.
Courtney further distances herself from the group, when Alex says, we’re all doing a tremendous amount of work, and you’renot. we’re standing here naked,” and Court interrupts and says, “giggle – I am too! giggle.”
Bitch – slap
Jojo never says much but he never has to, his eyes say it all. Which is, “Crazy bitch is giving me a good reason to drink today, besides you know, waking up this morning.”
Nik gets up to walk out, Simon tells them they can leave, it’s a full on fed up confrontation at the absolute ignorant, delusional, and arrogant bullshit show these two have beenputting on. The whole group is collectively up in arms and disgusted with them. And it’s absolutely wonderful to watch.
Courtney refuses to accept that she’s the reason people are frustrated and continues to blame everybody else for the way they feel about her. She is so inspid and useless it is mindblowing. She’s failing at life before she’s even started, and that is depressing.
Nik and Simon have a mano a mano discussion, in the pool with Nik cuddling a floatie, and Simon says that Courtney is a mess, and again somene speaks for us the viewer and says “take away the long hair, the puffed up lips, the puffed up boobs, all you have is a vacuous blond.”
Nik is just soaking in the madness
Simon drinking away the madness
The next segment is one of those mood killing serious segments that none of you click on this link to read about. Short version: Alex, like many of us, has serious mother issues. The good ol’ Doc wants her to call her Mom to see if she’ll meet with them to discuss some of those issues. From Simon’s reaction, I suspect there’s lots of sad backstory here and he has little patience for the mother’s bullshit. Just a hunch.
Delusional Doug is shocked at the vision of his Victoria’s Secret Angel, whose secret involves a health screening
Delusional Doug starts his next dramatic acting piece, wherein he pretends to be concerned about Courtney’s state of dress, saying that it affects his marriage because of the “stress” her Courtney-wear brings. I think you and I can agree that this, along with his very sad hairpiece, is completely fake. Doug loves the attention she brings, he loves the drama and it creates an opportunity for the two of them to get more screentime.
The whole scene devolves into a very bizarre scene, wherein Courtney begins defending her choice to dress, or rather undress, by stating the following:
1. She’s a champion for bullies;
2. She saves lives by showing her naughty bits
3. She’s the modern day Erin Brokovitch of the 21st Century for stripper-wear
It quickly becomes hysterical as Doc Jenn arrives, prepared to tear them a new one, and the entire group becomes giddy and delirious with the opportunity to eavesdrop.
Shayne: use a glass next time, it really helps with acoustics
Group Session: wherein everyone finds the closure they were looking for
The good Doc isn’t having any of it. She tells Courtney that her refusal to wear ordinary clothing is an “eff you” to her and the process. She also calls Delusional out on his fairy tale land that he’s built around Courtney’s measurements, basically telling him that he is a big problem with why she will never grow and accept accountability. Huzzah Dr. J!
You guys, I think that Dr. J knows she’s been given a big turd with this couple being here in the house, but tried to make it a sandwich as best as she could. However, Court and her creepy ass husband never intended to do any real “work” per say, instead they acted out in order to garner more screentime and to give me more words to type. Therefore, Dr. J is just blowing hot air.
I will give her credit though. Because she is seeingthis situation for what it really is. A life-destroying event in Courtney’s life. Let’s all reconvene in ten years and see how this little plastic faired in life, shall we?
Delusional Doug encourages Courtney to keep bringing up her very weak argument about Erin Brokovitch, and I realize that these two have planned this out. This Erin Brokovitch bit was planned before they ever got into the house. The y KNEW this would happen, and have their reactions and defenses all organized. What they didn’t plan on was Dr. J actually knowing Erin, and couldn’t have found a WORSE EXAMPLE! Turds.
Ugh. Dr. J breaks it down for idiot Courtney and says, “so who you are is essentially what you’re wearing?” And Doug interjects, again and supplies a good excuse for her: “It’s an expression.”
An expression of what? A health clinic visit? I am confused here you two. What is she trying to express that’s so important? Don’t bang old dudes with no money, stay in school, use your brain not your ass to get ahead in life? Message received!
The house members crack me up because they are SO VERY MUCH OVER the Courtney and Doug variety act. Tiny says she’s tired of seeing a bitch’s butt cheeks hanging out, and they all agree that she dresses like a stripper. So our favorite NY housewife (on this show) scrambles up some dollars, runs into the room WHILE Dr. J is having her one on one with these a-holes, and stuffs the money in Courtney’s g-string/skirt.
Courtney says, “You see? Judgment.”
I say, no honey, that’s called “Profit.” If I go to work, and type all day long, I get $$ an hour. When you show your body all day long, you earn a living. You see where I’m going with this? YOu might as well get $$$$ for it, which isn’t that what you’re doing on this show, num-nuts? I thought so.
Besides that being in very poor taste (but thank you Alex) Dr. J tells these two to get the hell out of her counseling center and not to let the door hit her in the very scantily behind when she leaves.
OMG, sorry to go but I have to plan the next reality show for us to hijack and contaminate
On their way out, Shayne maturely tells, Glad to see you go! Sorry you stayed so long!
OMG honey! What will we do now? I hear Honey Boo Boo needs a new neighbor/baby sitter/husband . . .
The best part is the harried cast’s reaction to their leaving the house. They all rush the glass doors, arms open and fake-cry that the freak show is leaving. I giggle uncontrollably.
Whyyyyy?!!! What will we do about our ratings, our problems are so very NORMALLLLL!! WHYYYY!!!!!
Okay Gasmii, our time is up and I need a stiff drink after having to endure this madness. What did you all think? I think we all know these two idiots are coming back, so eff them. Do they upset you as much as they upset me? Because I’m torn y’all between hating on Court and actually feeling bad for her because I can see the big steam engine of life running her over in a few years and it won’t be pretty. Or I could be wrong and she marries a very rich Japanese businessman and I’ll have to eat my words.
And as a special treat for you all, I am including a picture of my dog who dressed as Whoretney for Halloween . . .
Cookie dressed as Whoretney, showing less cleavage and being a real bitch