Couples Therapy Recap: Finale Time! Weddings, breakups, and nudity

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By eyediosmio | Saturday, December 8, 2012 | 10:00 am | 14 Comments
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(Sorry it’s so blurry, but they moved in really quickly).

Yes, Krista and Doug kiss on the mouth.  And YES, Krista says “I love you” to him. Note, she doesn’t say “I love you,” to her daughter. Holy hell you guys, that is disturbing.

Courtney makes an even stranger Clown/Sex joke that I simultaneously don’t get and yet it still skeeves me out. 

Then Krista scoots on the bed and these two, have HAD to have smooched before.  There is something weird between them, and it grosses me out to even think about it.

Well, hello there lover. I mean, son-in-law.

Courtney thinks that Dr. Jenn is going to have a time of it with their therapy session because they are like siamese twins. Um, no. No you’re not. You are a disfunctional mother/daughter duo. Your mother is obsessed with you and wants to be YOU. You represent everything she wishes she was. She even tries to dress like Courtney. Please note the icky tank top team. Ew.

 Tank Tops Team Forever!  Also, why does Courtney always look like Pamela Anderson working at Target?

Dr. J says she invited Krista here because she wants a clearer picture of Courtney the Girl v. Courtney the Image.  In other words, how did you screw your daughter up so royally, Krista?

Doc begins by asking Krista how she functions as her manager/pimp.

Krista’s answer is all Courtney, and you can see the resemblance in these two immediately once Krista starts speaking/lying/babbling.  “It’s very busy.  It’s 24/7 because the world is different time zones.”  I bet those Japanese businessmen are BLOWING up her celly all hours of the night. 

Krista lies that Courtney has offers every day, and Doc asks her to clarify if it’s “modeling, acting?” and Krista confirms, yes it’s modelling and acting.  Dumbest question/answer ever.  Doc is horrible at this and gives Krista all the answers to her questions and doesn’t realize it.   Ask for specific examples, and don’t for a second accept that bullshit story of the Courtney Stodden show. 

Ha!  Krista also tells us there are requests for reality shows and movie cameos (porn?).  Krista then says that every morning she has a meeting with Doug regarding the upcoming schedule and job offers.

Oh yeah, I’m a great Mom/Manager/Pimp

Dr. J asks Krista about the overtly sexual nature of these modelling/acting gigs and Krista totally deflects and denies responsibility for these poor choices and basically says, “it’s not my fault my daughter wants to be a human fem-bot!  It’s her choice! This is who she is!”  Ugh.

But the best part is where she says that the United States has it pretty covered regarding child laws, and they’ve had to turn things down due to the legality of it.  And that leads me to say, “What the fuck?!”  Because if I am hearing her right, they were ready to sign off on some pretty shady shit until they were informed it was against the law.  So THAT is the line you cross? When it’s “illegal?” 

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eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

14 Comments

  1. 1
    Holyterror
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Krista always looks like she’s about to barf, and is just trying to cover the fact that she has an egg-sucking hangover ( and terminal frizzies) by talking a lot and smiling and kissing everyone. \Seeming fine,\ in short.

  2. 2
    Holyterror
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I didn’t get the clown joke either.

  3. 3
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Awww, we’re gonna miss you! Any future recapping in the works?

    I totes agree with your theories on what happens to the couples. The only thing I disagree with (and I think it’s just me) is that interest in Dourteny is waning…I *still* can’t get enough of these two trainwrecks. Yes, I am pathetic, but dammit they’re such enterTAINing trainwrecks!

  4. 4
    thespiral
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    I heard (and I think Nik confirmed on his website) Courtney’s parents separated because of the Doug issue – specifically, Krista was infatuated with Doug and something weird happened with them, and the dad freaked out and disengaged from the whole bizarre situation. Which makes it even creepier, because it means Krista wanted Doug but couldn’t have him because of her marriage and supposed “Christian” values, so instead she used her minor child as bait to lure him in. If any of that is even close to the truth, it’s SICK. But it does ring true after watching them all interact on the show.

    Tiny made the right decision leaving Jojo, as sad as it is. Because the man is married to the bottle, and unfortunately it looks like it may be ’til death do them part. And I wouldn’t be able to bear watching someone I loved go out like that either.

  5. 5
    darlingclementine
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I was CRACKING UP at the parts about Courtney and her nude modeling in classy poses, way too funny! Great job recapper.

    I wonder if Courtney still talks to her dad or anything. I know he was ok with it at the beginning (guessing Krista did some major convincing) but after he snapped out of it and divorced the lady I wonder how that works. I cant imagine a father just being able to put what is going on with courtney out of his mind.

  6. 6
    Lizbot
    Posted December 9, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Call me judgy, but I’m going to guess that any man who picks Krista as a life-mate is not going to have the best skills or judgement when it comes to being a parent himself. He obviously stood by and allowed Krista to turn their teenaged daughter into a sex-bot without interfering (and you have to wonder how much he may have participated, gross as that might be), so I’m not really buying into any outrage that he might currently be feigning.

  7. 7
    Linda
    Posted December 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Here’s my problem with Nik: He reminds me of every guy (OK, one guy in particular) who was clearly a rat, but a very charming, likeable rat, to the extent that everybody (me included) bent over backward to overlook or excuse really bad/borderline sociopathic behavior and instead justify the ratness with \underneath everything he has a really good heart\ and \he just needs the right woman to bring out the good person he is deep down\ and blah de blah blah and you know what? No. There is no such person. He is what he is, and no amount of support and love will turn a rat into a human being. I don’t know about Nik specifically; I’m just sayin, this all seems very familiar. But about Nik specifically? Here’s a guy who makes most of his living off a heinous website that encourages the public humiliation/degradation of women (most of whom are private citizens) and who is happy to justify that with \well, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk/gone out of your house in that outfit/gotten old/let your fiance take that picture of you/etc., and yet women still really want to believe that deep down he’s this great guy. Be wary of likeable rats, is all I’m saying.

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Couldn’t disagree more with the Doug/Mommy reunion. Firmly believe that Doug had that entire conversation with a dial tone. WAAAY 2 overacted on Doug’s part and he can overact with the best of them. She didn’t want to be recorded or he never asked because she probably told to go Fuck himself in the first 10 seconds of hearing his voice.

    I think Dr. Jenn bit of way more than she could chew with Dourtney. Since the only “progress” she could make with Court was to show where her fucked up persona started – not fix it mind you by inviting Krista to join the sideshow freaks. So she and the producers set their sites on at least helping Dougie mend a fence or two and when that failed they staged a phone call to keep the shows “reputation” as well as Dr. Jenn’s in tact.

    While forgiveness is a good thing – it might just be too soon for Mamma Doug. I also think Doug’s “I did NOTHING wrong – I got her parents blessing” attitude might delay the healing with his mother. If Doug could just say “Mom, listen I know this is crazy – here’s my number – call me maybe” it might work better – some contriction on his end would go miles.

  9. 9
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:15 am

    @AmyOops: I’ll be back I’m sure, no future shows as of yet, but keep your eyes peeled!

    @darling: Thanks!

    @Lizbot, the suggestion is gross but not out of the question. In that, as a parent he allowed his daughter to be pimped out and being sexualized at such a young age. It causes the eyebrow to waggle.

    @Linda: I agree, his website is horrible and in order to really move on in life and mature, he needs to sell it. Also, I think he was a dirtbag but may really be trying to turn over a new leaf, unless he’s that good of an actor and I’m totally duped because in his sessions he really takes the blame for his part in the struggles of their marriage. But I’ve dated many dirtbags like him, who always promised to do better and never did. Until I stopped dating dirtbags, so I hear you on that one. We shall see, I guess?

    @considerthis: Brilliant! I am so gullible, which is why reality TV is perfect for me b/c I believe EVERYTHING! Damn, a dial tone, eh? Could be! I would not put it past the producers to arrange that sort of thing. Very interesting . . .

  10. 10
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Totes brilliant, @consider, I concur. But I now have that CRJ freaking song stuck in my head. Aarrrrrgghh!

    “Hey, I just met you, and this crazy, but here’s my number…so call me, maybe”

    Bwahahahaha now everyone can get it headstuck [evilgrinhorns].

  11. 11
    darco
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Haha Nik Richie totally summed it up perfectly when he said Stodden is “is too young and too high on meds to even know what love is.” Gaah I hate her so much yet I watch her every move – so I guess she win in the end? This whole season was definitely made that much more interesting by the fact that she was in it, I will say that.

    Oh and props to the show for ending this season with “Be Your Everything” by Boys Like Girls over the season highlights montage, I really love that song and I also think they did a great job of picking the best highlight clips for the montage.

  12. 12
    BillieJo
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Loved reading your recaps, but, from commenting on the Couples Therapy facebook page, I want others to know it resulted in several of us being stalked, harassed, and even having our computers hacked by one of Courtney’s very mentally unbalanced ‘fans’. Reports have been filed with the FBI at this point. This is what people like Courtney attract. We’ve changed passwords something like 3 times in 2 days, added more spyware, malware, and virus protection, had to contact ISPs, etc. Because one 39 year old ‘man’ got in an online disagreement with some women, so he’s made it his mission in life to terrorize them in the cyber world, because if he defends Courtney, she’ll love him maybe. Kinda like John Hinckley Jr.

  13. 13
    Lillie Lower
    Posted January 7, 2013 at 4:26 am

    Interesting cases. These are so common though. The one with the alcohol problem will continue to drink eventhough he promised to go to AA. It really doesn’t show in his face that he is in a state of remorse. The only thing that can change him is when the woman of her life will be gone. Classic ending really.

  14. 14
    Lillie Lower
    Posted January 7, 2013 at 5:17 am

    This is some show that has so many drama that is sometimes irritating. Nevertheless, people still watch it because it is quite interesting.

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