Couples Therapy Recap: Finale Time! Weddings, breakups, and nudity

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By eyediosmio | Saturday, December 8, 2012 | 10:00 am | 14 Comments
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Let’s take a look . . .

Gorgeous dress, gorgeous flowers . . .

Beautiful makeup . . .

verses booze-fueled lifetime commitment decision making . . . Yeah, I’d say this backyard wedding is an improvement.  Plus, doesn’t Nik kind of look like a mischievious hobbit in this shot?   

At any rate, they have a beautiful recommitment ceremony.  The pastor/priest asks them to reaffirm their vows and then- and Nik has apparently written his own vows.  He tells Shayne that his love for her is eternal and that he will fight for their marriage.  It’s terribly romantic and everything that Shayne has wanted to hear. It also makes everybody weepy.

Shayne’s vows are sweet and hilarious.  She goes the very long way to tell Nik that when she married him after only knowing him for 8 hours, she had faith that he was “her man.”  But what she didn’t know was how blessed she would be, blah blah blah.  She also tells him she will love him through rich or even when his credit card is declined.  It’s sweet, and I’m telling you guys, I hope they make it.  I really do. 

It was a sweet ending, and it was cheesy and unoriginal to end with a “wedding,” but it’s VH1 reality not HBO programming.  VH1 is all cheese, all the time.

Well, you guys. This is it.  The show is over and I am exhausted.  There wasn’t much to make fun of in this episode, besides what Courtney and Company brought.  But I tried my best. 

In short, I’d like to do our own little “process group,” and go couple by couple and see what we all think will happen to these guys.

Monica and Too Short (a/k/a Friends with Benefits and Too Stupid):  These two will not last.  I have a feeling that after EVERYTHING they’ve been through she will not be able to trust him, and he won’t be able to settle down.  Yes, he was romantic with her on a gondola ride – but that’s a gondola ride.  That’s not a strip club in the middle of the city.  Can he be sweet, and faithful and devoted?  I doubt it.  And Monica?  You deserve better than someone who needs to “think” about it. You need someone who says:  You’re gorgeous, smart and successful, I don’t deserve you – you are too good for me, I LOVE YOU!  Seriously, wait for that guy.

Jojo and Tiny:  Jojo will leave Tiny for Mrs. Bacardi, and drown his sorrows in liquor and end up in the hospital.  Or dead.  Tiny, please go get some more therapy with a licensed therapist who deals specifically with codependancy and post-traumatic stress disorder (of course I am referring to her revelation in therapy regarding past abuse).  You are a sweet lady, and deserve the world.  Don’t settle for less.

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eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

14 Comments

  1. 1
    Holyterror
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Krista always looks like she’s about to barf, and is just trying to cover the fact that she has an egg-sucking hangover ( and terminal frizzies) by talking a lot and smiling and kissing everyone. \Seeming fine,\ in short.

  2. 2
    Holyterror
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I didn’t get the clown joke either.

  3. 3
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Awww, we’re gonna miss you! Any future recapping in the works?

    I totes agree with your theories on what happens to the couples. The only thing I disagree with (and I think it’s just me) is that interest in Dourteny is waning…I *still* can’t get enough of these two trainwrecks. Yes, I am pathetic, but dammit they’re such enterTAINing trainwrecks!

  4. 4
    thespiral
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    I heard (and I think Nik confirmed on his website) Courtney’s parents separated because of the Doug issue – specifically, Krista was infatuated with Doug and something weird happened with them, and the dad freaked out and disengaged from the whole bizarre situation. Which makes it even creepier, because it means Krista wanted Doug but couldn’t have him because of her marriage and supposed “Christian” values, so instead she used her minor child as bait to lure him in. If any of that is even close to the truth, it’s SICK. But it does ring true after watching them all interact on the show.

    Tiny made the right decision leaving Jojo, as sad as it is. Because the man is married to the bottle, and unfortunately it looks like it may be ’til death do them part. And I wouldn’t be able to bear watching someone I loved go out like that either.

  5. 5
    darlingclementine
    Posted December 8, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I was CRACKING UP at the parts about Courtney and her nude modeling in classy poses, way too funny! Great job recapper.

    I wonder if Courtney still talks to her dad or anything. I know he was ok with it at the beginning (guessing Krista did some major convincing) but after he snapped out of it and divorced the lady I wonder how that works. I cant imagine a father just being able to put what is going on with courtney out of his mind.

  6. 6
    Lizbot
    Posted December 9, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Call me judgy, but I’m going to guess that any man who picks Krista as a life-mate is not going to have the best skills or judgement when it comes to being a parent himself. He obviously stood by and allowed Krista to turn their teenaged daughter into a sex-bot without interfering (and you have to wonder how much he may have participated, gross as that might be), so I’m not really buying into any outrage that he might currently be feigning.

  7. 7
    Linda
    Posted December 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Here’s my problem with Nik: He reminds me of every guy (OK, one guy in particular) who was clearly a rat, but a very charming, likeable rat, to the extent that everybody (me included) bent over backward to overlook or excuse really bad/borderline sociopathic behavior and instead justify the ratness with \underneath everything he has a really good heart\ and \he just needs the right woman to bring out the good person he is deep down\ and blah de blah blah and you know what? No. There is no such person. He is what he is, and no amount of support and love will turn a rat into a human being. I don’t know about Nik specifically; I’m just sayin, this all seems very familiar. But about Nik specifically? Here’s a guy who makes most of his living off a heinous website that encourages the public humiliation/degradation of women (most of whom are private citizens) and who is happy to justify that with \well, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk/gone out of your house in that outfit/gotten old/let your fiance take that picture of you/etc., and yet women still really want to believe that deep down he’s this great guy. Be wary of likeable rats, is all I’m saying.

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Couldn’t disagree more with the Doug/Mommy reunion. Firmly believe that Doug had that entire conversation with a dial tone. WAAAY 2 overacted on Doug’s part and he can overact with the best of them. She didn’t want to be recorded or he never asked because she probably told to go Fuck himself in the first 10 seconds of hearing his voice.

    I think Dr. Jenn bit of way more than she could chew with Dourtney. Since the only “progress” she could make with Court was to show where her fucked up persona started – not fix it mind you by inviting Krista to join the sideshow freaks. So she and the producers set their sites on at least helping Dougie mend a fence or two and when that failed they staged a phone call to keep the shows “reputation” as well as Dr. Jenn’s in tact.

    While forgiveness is a good thing – it might just be too soon for Mamma Doug. I also think Doug’s “I did NOTHING wrong – I got her parents blessing” attitude might delay the healing with his mother. If Doug could just say “Mom, listen I know this is crazy – here’s my number – call me maybe” it might work better – some contriction on his end would go miles.

  9. 9
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:15 am

    @AmyOops: I’ll be back I’m sure, no future shows as of yet, but keep your eyes peeled!

    @darling: Thanks!

    @Lizbot, the suggestion is gross but not out of the question. In that, as a parent he allowed his daughter to be pimped out and being sexualized at such a young age. It causes the eyebrow to waggle.

    @Linda: I agree, his website is horrible and in order to really move on in life and mature, he needs to sell it. Also, I think he was a dirtbag but may really be trying to turn over a new leaf, unless he’s that good of an actor and I’m totally duped because in his sessions he really takes the blame for his part in the struggles of their marriage. But I’ve dated many dirtbags like him, who always promised to do better and never did. Until I stopped dating dirtbags, so I hear you on that one. We shall see, I guess?

    @considerthis: Brilliant! I am so gullible, which is why reality TV is perfect for me b/c I believe EVERYTHING! Damn, a dial tone, eh? Could be! I would not put it past the producers to arrange that sort of thing. Very interesting . . .

  10. 10
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Totes brilliant, @consider, I concur. But I now have that CRJ freaking song stuck in my head. Aarrrrrgghh!

    “Hey, I just met you, and this crazy, but here’s my number…so call me, maybe”

    Bwahahahaha now everyone can get it headstuck [evilgrinhorns].

  11. 11
    darco
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Haha Nik Richie totally summed it up perfectly when he said Stodden is “is too young and too high on meds to even know what love is.” Gaah I hate her so much yet I watch her every move – so I guess she win in the end? This whole season was definitely made that much more interesting by the fact that she was in it, I will say that.

    Oh and props to the show for ending this season with “Be Your Everything” by Boys Like Girls over the season highlights montage, I really love that song and I also think they did a great job of picking the best highlight clips for the montage.

  12. 12
    BillieJo
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Loved reading your recaps, but, from commenting on the Couples Therapy facebook page, I want others to know it resulted in several of us being stalked, harassed, and even having our computers hacked by one of Courtney’s very mentally unbalanced ‘fans’. Reports have been filed with the FBI at this point. This is what people like Courtney attract. We’ve changed passwords something like 3 times in 2 days, added more spyware, malware, and virus protection, had to contact ISPs, etc. Because one 39 year old ‘man’ got in an online disagreement with some women, so he’s made it his mission in life to terrorize them in the cyber world, because if he defends Courtney, she’ll love him maybe. Kinda like John Hinckley Jr.

  13. 13
    Lillie Lower
    Posted January 7, 2013 at 4:26 am

    Interesting cases. These are so common though. The one with the alcohol problem will continue to drink eventhough he promised to go to AA. It really doesn’t show in his face that he is in a state of remorse. The only thing that can change him is when the woman of her life will be gone. Classic ending really.

  14. 14
    Lillie Lower
    Posted January 7, 2013 at 5:17 am

    This is some show that has so many drama that is sometimes irritating. Nevertheless, people still watch it because it is quite interesting.

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