Dallas Recap: A New Season And More Crazy Bitches

 Fake Rebecca is back!  A Barnes Global helicopter is landing and Fake Rebecca gets out.  Frank greets her and voices his displeasure at her being gone so long.  She ignores him and says that she is back and she wants to make an entrance.  Now that she’s back, her lawyer contacts Christopher and tells him that he wants to set up a meeting.

 Set on getting a bigger stake in South Fork, Elena meets with some guy named Mark.  I have no idea who in the hell this is, but they talk about used oil rigs in the middle of the ocean.  He tells her they are dried up, but she still wants to buy them.  I know next to nothing about the oil trade, so I’m incredibly confused.

 Christopher and Bobby arrive at the address Fake Rebecca’s lawyer gave them.  They are confused because it’s Barnes Global.  These two are not the sharpest tools in the box.  Frank is waiting for them and escorts them to a conference room where Fake Rebecca is waiting.  She dramatically introduces herself as Pamela Rebecca Barnes.  For those of you that are familiar with the original Dallas, she is Afton’s daughter.  She goes on about wanting her children to have a father in their lives, but Cliff wants her to take part of Ewing Energy.  Christopher basically tells her to shove it and that he will get an annulment and custody of both children.  I’m sure that won’t backfire at all.

 A major bombshell has been dropped, so the entire Ewing family must meet.  Christopher tells them that this is all because Cliff wants his methane.  JR says that it is personal, but Christopher is adamant that his marriage will be annulled.  JR, who I’m beginning to think is the only one with common sense, thinks they are naive if they think the legal system will work.  John Ross makes a half-ass attempt at telling Christopher he’ll be there for him.  He spouts some ‘Your enemy is my enemy’ crap and Christopher orders security to be beefed up.  Now that the whole crazy spouse situation is taken care of, Christopher is going to talk to Ricky Rudd, who must be getting a commission every time they say his name in the episode. 

 Ann is looking at a locket and old pictures when she gets a call.  I absolutely love Ann’s caller id/contact list.  Last season, it said ‘Bobby Ewing’ when just ‘Bobby’ would have been enough, and now it says ‘DNA Lab’.  Talk about specific.  Well, there’s no need for Maury, because Ann is the mother!

 Ann goes to see Sue Ellen and Harris is already there.  She gives Harris the tape and Harris give Ann her daughter’s address.  I’m glad you can’t make copies of tapes, or this might be pointless.  Oh but wait – Harris threatens them if there are any copies.  Ann heads to South Fork to tell Bobby what happened.  Bobby is upset because he would’ve handled Ryland.  Ever the dramatic one, Bobby throws in the comment ‘You don’t negotiate with terrorists’.  I don’t think that asshole ex-husbands are really on the same level as terrorists, but whatever.