Dallas Recap: The Backstabbing Continues

Welcome back everyone!  Episode two promises to bring us more drama, more lying and more crazy bitches.  To catch you up, Christopher is kind of being a douche;  being a private investigator in Dallas is very lucrative;  Harris Ryland is an asshole;  Ann’s found her daughter, who is a little bitch and John Ross will nail anything that moves.  Now on to what’s new!

One Big Happy Family 

Christopher is sanding a crib when Elena walks up.  Christopher admits that this isn’t what they planned.  They don’t really do that great with planning.  Take the crib, for example.  Someone should tell Christopher that he is going to need two.  Which kid is going to get the hand-me-down crib and which one is going to get the new, meets-safety-standards crib?  This is how family feuds start, people.  John Ross drives up and makes the clichéd comment about it being a Kodak moment.  Elena tries to be nice by asking him how Sue Ellen is doing.  In a not-so-shocking twist, she lost the election.  John Ross wishes Christopher good luck in court, which prompts Christopher to call him a douchebag as he walks away.  John Ross watches them make out from a nearby window, and JR tells him to use his anger.  I really don’t get why they think Elena is such a catch – she looks almost skeletal.

Why would you even want that skinny bitch, son? 

 Inside South Fork, Ann is sitting in bed sobbing while Bobby watches.  The doctor gives her a sedative and Bobby vows to find out what happened.  He talks to a copy and finds out that there was no record of Emma being found.  How does an 18 month old get kidnapped and nothing is made of it.  Where was Nancy Grace?

I’ll tell you where I wasn’t – losing my 18 month old baby.  Ann is obviously the devil.

 Sue Ellen is packing up her campaign headquarters and takes a bottle of wine out of a random cupboard.  Because it’s smart for an recovering alcoholic to have bottles of booze stashed everywhere.  She pours a glass and starts to drink when JR shows up with John Ross.  JR tells that the best things she did was leave him.  He says that he will make sure the state attorney doesn’t press charges.  Nothing like one blackmail maneuver to get past another.  John Ross gets a text from someone asking him to meet and JR tells Sue Ellen that Ann could use her.  You know, because she’s losing her shit and hopped up on sedatives.  All right – family time is over!

 Over at Barnes Global, Fake Rebecca, who I’m just going to call Pam because I’m sick of typing Fake Rebecca, walks into the board meeting and announces that she is going away from Casinos and towards clean energy.  Frank disagrees, but Pam acts like she is going to take over.  I think Frank needs to nip this problem in the bud, because Pam seems to be getting out of control.