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Previously on Dance Moms Miami: Susan cried; Abby accused everyone of being jealous; Bitchette was evil; Bob was delusional; Ani was nice to everyone; Victor said “fierce” 100 million times; Lucas finally put on a shirt; Hannah ate a hamburger; Sammy was cocky; Jessi cried; Kimmy was cute and an ugly truck overturned onto the costumes and “chorography.”
The kids walk in and Victor congratulates them for doing an amazing job and sweeping last week’s competition. But Angel of Death says that’s not good enough, they need to prove themselves all over again this week. You know – the same exact thing he’s been saying every week for the last two months.
List time and the boys have gone back to revealing it top-down. Lucas is number one because he got first overall and special awards and was only three points away from a perfect score. Hannah comes in second – wow, go Hannah – because she came in second overall. Victor says this means she IS a good dancer, and will heretofore be treated as such. Bob says she feels happy and validated, so I guess being delusional pays off every so often. Third is Sammy, who was “stunning” last week.
Fourth is Kimmy – provoking the requisite bitchface from Susan – because she messed up some of her transitions and ended up looking like a “deer in the headlights.” I will assume we are talking about the headlights of the bus that people keep getting thrown under. Last on the list is Jessi because she put her hand down during her extension, and by god, she should know better by now. Susan is tres happy, and complains that Jessi has been on the bottom of the list more than anyone, and not because of her dancing. I suppose I could go back and look that up, but I really don’t feel like it.
This week’s manufactured drama will be taking place in Tulsa, Oklahoma, because I guess there were no competitions in Fargo, North Dakota. Not that there’s anything wrong with Tulsa, it just seems really out of the way and random UNLESS the show is banned from filming anywhere else. That’s just my theory, your mileage may vary. (The competition is iHollywood, by the way.)
Abby says she doesn’t know if the kids have ever even heard of Oklahoma. Well, that’s really not something to brag about, Abby. Also, stay in school, kids.
Angel on the other hand, is excited to go to OK because he’s never been and will probably never get the chance again and will finally be able to take his cowboy hat out of the closet.
Lucas and Kimmy will be doing a duet and Sammy and Hannah will get solos. As this week’s Last Place List Loser, Jessi gets NOTHING and will like it. (Susan: bitchface.) The theme of the group number will be “Celebrity.” Does anyone else miss Jabby Lee’s crazy themes like “homeless children” and “porn”? Sigh. Angel says this theme will give the kids the opportunity to be in the spotlight and feel powerful. And he has a big surprise for them. Surprises on reality shows are never good news and this is no exception, because who should walk in, but the legendary Mia and her mom Leo.
Bitchette interviews that Lucas loves Mia and they are good friends, but as for Leo, Bitchette can “drop her like a hot potato.” Potayto, potahto, complete bitch, whatever. Angel says Mia’s technique is “phenomenal” and that she dances like an 18-year-old
stripper. This doesn’t seem so bad, but then Angel says if he can only take five dancers to the competition, someone’s solo might have to be axed.
We meet Mia, who tells us she’s 10 and has been dancing since she was two. She says she’s won national titles, has been in magazines and loves to express herself through dance. Sounds like a future Miss December to me. Susan, who is either really annoyed or smells a dead body, calls Mia “quite a performer.” Bob remains quiet but has a bitchface of her own going on. Abby would like to know if Mia is just here for the week or if she is becoming part of the team.