Previously on Dance Moms Miami: Kimmy and Lucas reenacted 9 ½ Weeks; Jessi mouthed off to Susan; Hannah had a meltdown.
The kids line up and Victor praises them for their wins in Orlando and calls them professionals for overcoming such mishaps as music errors and costume malfunctions. Angel, as usual, plays the bad cop and says even though they won, it’s not good enough because not everybody won their category. They need to place higher overall as a studio and I guess sweeping the awards will not fly at Nationals. Shut up, Angel. I know the drama is manufactured in Pittsburgh too, but I feel like those ladies can sell it better.
Time for the List. Lucas is back on top because his duet with Kimmy was the highest-scoring duet of the competition. Kimmy is second for the same reason.
VictAng say the only reason she’s not number one is because she needs to work on “letting go.” Jessi is next, with VictAng calling her solo “phenomenal.” However, they say, she got beat by two nine-year-olds which isn’t cool. It was VictAng who said that, not Susan like I said in the mini. But never fear, Susan is still complaining that she is “disappointed.” Shut up, Susan.
Sammy is fourth because she blended into the group number too much. If they wanted her to stand out so badly, why didn’t they give her a solo? Isn’t the point of a group dance to dance like a group? Aren’t they always yelling at the kids to be tighter and more in unison? Shut up, VictAng.
Finally, Hannah is last again because she cried before going on stage, which Victor says is unacceptable. But Angel says that at least Hannah’s technique is improving. Hannah says being last makes her want to work harder.
This week, Kimmy and Lucas will be rewarded with solos, while Jessi, Sammy and Hannah will be doing a trio. Susan gets all upset and leaves, saying it’s “not fair” to put Jessi with Hannah. Way to be a team player, you dumb bitch.
Totally on board
Angel tells Jessi that the next time her mother throws a tantrum and walks out like a 4-year-old, Jessi is out as well. Jessi interviews that her mother’s ridiculous temper tantrums and crying jags are “like a roller coaster.” Seriously. Her moods are out of control. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance.
This week’s competition will be at Starbound in Fort Myers. Victor tells says they need to show everyone they are the “bomb.com” because Fort Myers is practically in their backyard. The group number is called “Twisted Circus” and each kid will portray a different creepy circus performer. Personally, I think all circuses are creepy. Also, I keep thinking of Twisted Sister, which would make a totally rad group number, don’tcha think?
I wanna ROCK
Hannah will play a fortune teller gypsy, Sammy a contortionist, Lucas a mime, Jessi will be the “ringleader” (not ringmaster) and Kimmy will play a little girl. Wow, Kimmy actually gets to do something age appropriate. But Kimmy says she wishes she could be something creepier and crazier than just a little girl. Oh well, there is plenty of time, Kimmy. I’m sure you’ll be doing stripper dances before you know it.
In the snakepit, Bob complains about Hannah being on the bottom of the list. Bitchette is all, “you were happy last week when she had a solo so don’t rain on our parade.”
Did someone eat an onion bagel?
Bob’s like “STFU, you stupid whore, this has nothing to do with you.” (I am paraphrasing.) Bitchette apparently thinks everyone is upset about the list and that’s why Susan walked out, but Bob and Abby are like “NO, it’s because she doesn’t want Jessi to dance with Hannah. Get with the program.”
Susan is still outside fuming that her princess has to be subjected to the indignity of dancing with Hannah.
The world is too much with us