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Happy Fourth of July, Gasmii!
So happy to live in a country that gives us Jabby Lee Miller and the semi-train wreck that is Dance Moms. As promised, this week was a clip show that didn’t do
much anything to advance the fake storyline, but it was fun to watch actual dancing instead of crazy bitchez gettin’ all up in people’s faces.
Here’s a quick summary with some links to past recaps. If you haven’t read Pottymouth’s recaps in awhile, I highly recommend it, because they are HILARE. Otherwise, get your butts out to the beach with a beer and a hot dog and get your independence on.
Side note: Apologies to PAYTON for spelling her name wrong throughout the entire recap last week. Please don’t hunt me down and kill me, Leslie.
Okay, let’s get to Jabby’s Dance-a-Thon, in which she counts down her top ten routines from “worst” to best, giving us some commentary along the way. She will also show us some “disasters” and some other surprise extras.
10. At number ten, we have Pinup Girls from the very first episode. This was a trio by Maddie, Chloe and Paige. Jabby says the number was “sabotaged” by Christi being drunk and not properly fastening Chloe’s hairpiece, causing it to fall in Chloe’s face and ruin Jabby’s life. This is the episode where Jabby had to drag Kelly and Christi out of the bar in order to get their girls ready for the competition, which obviously cemented my love for this show immediately. They had me at “your mom’s a drunk.”
9. Ninth is the notorious Bumblebee dance by Vivi. (FREE VIVI!) I don’t know how this number isn’t tenth, since it’s WAY WORSE in so many ways than the hairpiece incident. (And by “worse” I mean totally awesome.)
If you’ll recall, Jabby had taught Vivi a routine, but Cathy pre-empted it and made her do her own (horrible) choreography. It also sets the stage for the Bee Costume Showdown in season two.
8. Number eight is the Jailbreak Cellblock Tango ripoff that came in tenth place (to Cathy’s ninth) and caused Jabby such despair at the end of season 2A. That was the competition where Maddie freaked out and ran off the stage. (Of course, I know you all know that because it just happened a couple of months ago.) I really love the song for that number, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Does anyone know what it’s called?
7. Number seven is Brooke’s Garden of Eden number from season two.
6. Sixth is My Pumps from season one. This is the number that features Nia’s awesome Death Drop. I remember the death drop, but I don’t remember this routine. I think that’s because I watched most of season one in a booze-filled haze. (Hey don’t judge, it was summer.) Okay, I can’t find a recap with this routine, so here is the recap where she learns the death drop.
5. Fifth place is Chloe’s Dream on a Star solo. Jabby uncharacteristically has only great things to say about Chloe, including that she is the “whole package” and she will make it in the dance world. I really love being able to see these dances in their entirety. [Note: This is actually the same recap as the previous one.]
4. In fourth is Maddie’s Angel dance from season one, which was dedicated to her late grandma.
3. Third is the awesome Black Swan duet with Maddie and Chloe from season one.
2. Second place is My Beauty (which I don’t remember at all), which brought them the “National” title last season. [Same as before]
1. Finally, at number one, we have Where Have All the Children Gone? from season one. This one I DO remember, but I forgot how freaking creepy it was. This was (unintentionally) hilarious in that it featured Mackenzie pushing Vivi (FREE VIVI!) on a swing – not the first (or the last) time Vivi will be used as a human prop.