Hello, Gasmii. I am back. It looks like you were able to amuse yourselves in my absence. A big THANK YOU to Madelyne27 for tackling this shitshow. If you’re ever in NYC, look me up and I will buy you a drink.
Ack. Where to begin. Two fucking hours. So unnecessary. But on a positive note, if that makes the season go by faster, that’s fine with me.
How much longer do we have to stand here?
Previously: A bunch of shit happened. I have to admit, I didn’t even watch the last two eps and I have no regrets.
Apparently they all came in second last week and the Nia/Kendall duet was fifth. The group dance was “exquisite but not a love story.” Jabby’s not going to yell or scream at them if coming in second is what they want. Instead she will kill them one by one in their sleep.
This week they are going to Minneapolis to…IN10SITY! No way! I didn’t see that coming. So what’s the deal? Is IN10SITY some kind of made-up offshoot of Lifetime? I’m starting to suspect this show is fucking with us, you guys.
Pyramid. Mackenzie’s last because she lost by 11 points. Nia’s next because she wasn’t feeling well and that made her feet sloppy. Then Paige, because her arms were out of control. Maddie did four turns, but then she bobbled so she can burn in hell.
Kendall is next, only one from the top, because for once Shrill’s interfering worked out in her favor instead of against her. Brooke is on top and she couldn’t be more excited.
I am killing you with my eyes
Jabby says Brooke now has a target on her back. Yeah, she put it there herself so someone would put her out of her misery.
Chloe raises her hand to ask why she’s not on the pyramid. Jabby reminds that she is suspended.
Shut it, sucka
She interviews that since the suspension, Chloe has been working harder to get back into Jabby’s good graces. Was she ever in Jabby’s good graces?
This week’s group dance is called Don’t Ask, Just Tell and it is about gays in the military, which is totally appropriate for 11-year-olds. Brooke, Kendall and Maddie will be doing solos.
Jabby sends the girls into the other room so she can scream at the moms about the girls being the best they can be. Why the sudden restraint? What happened to screaming at the moms in front of the kids? She finishes berating the moms and calls the girls back in. They march in, signaling that this week’s theme of bad puns and clichés will be brought to you by the U.S. military
…and the von Trapp Family singers