The moms are in a limo heading to the bridal shop for Melissa’s shower. I wasn’t aware that people normally held showers IN bridal shops, but whatever. Shrill has set up a spread of dessert and champagne. Holly snarks that it’s just like Shrill to be competitive about organizing a bridal shower.
They get drunk and watch Melissa try on a selection of increasingly hideous gowns that Christi says are “too pure” for a third marriage.
Say Wretch to the Dress
She also once again mentions Melissa’s previous threats of “draconian legal action.” Maybe Melissa settled out of court or something and that’s why it’s okay to talk about weddings again.
Apparently Melissa registered at Harriet Carter, because the moms give her gifts that include a giant wine glass that says “Just Married” in cartoon letters.
Yay, all I need now is the “Gone Fishin’” one and the “Old Fart” one
Kelly says she picked it out because she still isn’t sure that Melissa isn’t already married. Christi says it’s bad luck to wear your wedding band while trying on your wedding dress, but I also feel like it’s bad luck to break up a marriage and change your name to the guy’s before he is even divorced, so she’s already behind the count there. The moms are super wasted by now so they practice catching the bouquet and there really is nothing sadder than, to quote Christi, a bunch of middle-aged women lunging for a bouquet.
Oh Dr. Holly, don’t pretend you don’t want a piece of that action
Melissa finally settles on a dress that would be too showy for Kate Middleton and weeps dramatically.
Ru Paul wants his eyelashes back
But I’m glad they are all getting along for a change.
Shall we pause for a moment? Are you having fun yet? Good! Because there’s still another hour to go! Who’s excited?!
Back at the studio, Mackenzie’s foot is still bothering her so Melissa allegedly takes her to the hospital. The other moms say Mack seemed fine before and they speculate that she’s faking so she doesn’t have to do the group dance. Melissa calls Kelly from the “hospital” and asks her to bring Maddie home.
Downstairs, Jabby says that Minneapolis has some of the best dance studios in the country. Well sure, if you’re talking about fake studios set up by Lifetime for the purposes of this bullshit show, they are the best.
Jabby decides that this is the time to talk birds and bees with the girls, or birds and birds, if you will. She calls the moms down and tells them they need to explain to their daughters the meaning behind Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which is that there are lots of gay people in the arts world and they shouldn’t have to hide it or something. And the arts world is like the military? I don’t know.