Dance Moms Recap: Everybody Cries. Literally

Recaps

By SnoopK8 | Friday, February 1, 2013 | 2:10 pm | 25 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Dance Moms, Recaps

First up for group dances is Studio Bleu.

They seem…older. Some of them have boobs. Nothing wrong with that, but what age group are our girls dancing in these days? Jabby says she was totally moved by the number. She says it was outstanding and advanced.

Group dance. Paige interviews that they want to prove that they’re better than the scabs.

They all do the back tuck. I liked their coshtumes. I think they did okay, but they were a little sloppyish.

Awards.

Mackenzie – third place, mini solo division

Bella – fourth place, junior div

Chloe – second place, jr div

Kaeli – first place, jr div

Group – fourth place

Studio Bleu – first

Jabby says it was a horrible weekend and humiliating. An overall bad experience. Yeah, I know the feeling.

In the green room Jabby says they went from national champions to fourth place, thus proving her point that they all suck now. Christi asks whose fault it is if fourth place is the best they can do. Jabby says Chloe’s back tuck is to blame. Christi says Chloe was not ready to do it and the choreography was just bad.

Jabby yells that Chloe is not flexible enough on both sides and doesn’t show up on time. Christi yells something about school not letting out until 4:30. So Jabby says why Chloe doesn’t just get an early dismissal. Christi says because it’s SCHOOL. Jabby tells her to stop making excuses. To Chloe, Jabby says “I guess your mom’s happy with mediocre.”

Now Christi’s upset – like really upset – and screams “stop picking on my kid!”

Jabby: “You’re an idiot! Get off your phone and worry about your kid.” So now they are in 100% screech monkey mode when Christi calls Jabby “FATTY, FATTY, FATTY!”

Finally Kelly’s like, “why don’t you go outside, girls.” Yeah, that might be a good idea.

The screaming continues at a fourth grade level about who sucks more until Jabby yells that “it’s like putting silk stockings on a mule with some of you.” Okay, she’s totally snapped. What the hell is she talking about? Not to be outdone with a cliché, Christi says it’s more like putting lipstick on a pig, and we are out.

Ugh. UGH.

Have the lambs stopped screaming?

Next time: Yay, Crazy Cathy is back with her boy band. Someone brings in a DOGGIE! Oh god, I hope we are not reliving Broadway Baby’s last days, because I really will kill myself if I have to recap that. Shrill is at a salon or something, no doubt arranging for another happy-ending massage. No solo for Kendall, and Chloe gets yelled at. And holy shit – there’s a shot of Christi and she TOTALLY LOOKS PREGGO! Anyone else notice that??

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SnoopK8
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Snoop K8 lives in NYC and loves baseball, red wine and Judge Judy (not necessarily in that order).

25 Comments

  1. 1
    DM
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    They all did back hand springs, not back tucks

  2. 2
    April
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Christi does look preggo. I also really hope they don’t work Broadway Baby’s death into a story line. They worked Abby’s mom being sick into a storyline so they might.

  3. 3
    SnoopK8 SnoopK8
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Ah – thanks DM! Totally missed that.

  4. 4
    AshSmash AshSmash
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Spoiler Alert y’all. If you go to dance moms wika, they have upcoming episode descriptions. Apparently, in about two or 3 episodes, they go to St. Louis and see the Kaya black Patsy, but Abby’s dog dies and she abandons them there.

  5. 5
    Frizzypop Frizzypop
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Oh please, SnoopK8, don’t swallow the Drano! We would miss your awesome recaps!! If you feel you must, maybe a swish and spit would suffice? Might help to take the edge off and numb the senses a bit until you are forced to watch again!

  6. 6
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I love how some things get beaten to death the entire season. And others are only complained about for an episode. The “sit in” is going to be brought up the whole season. I loved how Kelly complained about Brooke not being on the pyramid last week, but didn’t say a peep about it this episode.

  7. 7
    Frizzypop Frizzypop
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Or that her kids NEVER get a solo when Paige had a solo last week!

  8. 8
    Dani
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    What is the difference between a back tuck and a back hand spring? (I know nothing about gymnastics, obviously..)

    As I already said in the minicap, the whole thing with Maddie and Abby is just so creepy.. Poor kid. They all need to think of their kids and the damage that is being done. I know they are under contract, but still!!

    I think Kelly saying how her kids don’t “ever” have solos was somewhat true in that compared to Maddie, or even Chloe, her kids don’t really get solos- especially Paige. Last week was unusual for Paige to get a solo. Her point was that Melissa doesn’t even realize what it’s like to never have your kid (hardly ever I should say) get a solo, so she shouldn’t be bitching about it.

    Go 49ers!!! :)

  9. 9
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    I always thought a back tuck didn’t involve the hands.

    Nia gets the same amount of solos as Paige, and Jabby barely even acknowledges her. And you don’t hear Holly constantly complaining.

  10. 10
    Meaghan
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    Mackenzie’s solo looked a lot like most of Brooke’s solos. I called her “mini-Brooke” that episode. Speaking of, did we see Brooke at all this episode except for a brief moment at pyramid?

    Christi denies being pregnant on her Twitter, stating that it’s a “food baby”. Hmm…

  11. 11
    ellemenop
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    i definitely didn’t pick up christi looking pregnant, but i think i don’t tend to notice most of the time. i also don’t like to assume people are pregnant because i’ve had overweight friends in the past tell me stories about being asked when they’re due and they’re … not. oh, well.

  12. 12
    bec
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    Asia (from AUDC) is apparently competing with the DM kids this weekend… the rest of ALDC (not DM kids) are competing at Jump… but guess who is with them, and not competing this weekend? mackenzie :O

  13. 13
    DM
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    @Dani
    A back hand spring is when you flip over touching your hands to the ground. When they were all standing in the line in the group routine and flipped one by one, those were back hand springs. A back tuck is when you flip over without using your hands. Mackenzie did one in the group routine and in her solo last week. Paige does it a lot too. A standing back tuck is when you don’t take any sort of running start before doing it. It’s what Paige was doing when she broke her foot. No one ended up doing it in the group routine.

  14. 14
    April
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Brooke was in the acro arabian number this week. She did some of her contortion tricks and tumbling but not as much as usual which I bet has to do with her back pain.

  15. 15
    PammyWrites
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    I laughed till I cried real tears when you said “my religion is shut the fuck up Jabby but they don’t have a church or a bible” LOL! Not sure why that hit me so hard but it did! LOL! Still laughing!

  16. 16
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 2:14 am

    Thank you for always typing coshtumes! They drive me nuts when they say that, but it cracks me up when I see it written that way.

    Arabian number, while cute, had almost zero choreography to it. Was all tricks. No wonder it didn’t win. Not sure if you can find it, but in my opinion, the best dance studio in the US, West Coast School of the Arts, did an Arabian Nights number in 2008 or 2009 or so that was spectacular! Abby’s choreography paled in comparison. P.s. WCSOTA has been dominant since I competed as a teen many many years ago. Their groups would kick Abby’s butt.

  17. 17
    hopelesslydevoted
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 4:59 am

    I thought that Kaeli deserved first place, she was very graceful and had beautiful long legs and lines. For me, Chloe is losing her touch. They need to be in class more often and working on their technique because I feel as if their growth as dancers is at a stand-still.

  18. 18
    Dani
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    @DM– Thanks!! :)

  19. 19
    Z
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    I noticed that exact shot of Cristi looking preggo. But I also thought Melissa was preggo all last season and it came to nothing so I figured that’s just what happens to Suburbanites when they reach a certain age.

  20. 20
    KRB
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    The most annoying thing this episode (besides the creepy Maddie/Abby thing) was that all the moms kept egging Melissa on about Maddie wanting a solo and asking if she was upset, then being mad when she said yes and complaining that their daughters never got one… If you didn’t want to know if it bothered her, why ask? Last episode when she said that Maddie was fine, Christi called them robots… It’s just a tad annoying with the editing of them being concerned for Maddie in one shot and the next being annoyed that they/she is annoyed. Pick a side… Gah.

  21. 21
    Sunny
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I found this and thought you guys might be interested.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m39bZjcbMSY&w=560&h=315

  22. 22
    Truthsquad
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Really?….”Fatty, Fatty, Fatty”… is this what television has come to?…..My God!

    I think the Producers have their own pyramid for the Mom’s and whichever Mom is at the top gets a “solo”… by which I mean she gets to scream at Abby for at least 3 minutes in that episode, and then grab her daughter and storm out…..Lame!

  23. 23
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 7:00 am

    I’m going to be frank, I think that they have every right to call ALM “Fatty”. The way that woman treats those girls, she completely deserves it. She IS fat! She’s a fat hag, and that’s probably one of the reasons why she’s so horrible to those girls: they have beautiful bodies that she never had. She has belittled and insulted every single one of those little girls multiple times, and she deserves to have her big FAT ego stomped all over! You have to admit it probably brings smiles to the girls’ faces to her that nasty piece of trash they call a teacher a fatty. She doesn’t deserve to teach anyone, much less be handed compliments instead of insults.
    P.S. Before anyone jumps on me for it, I am actually a little overweight myself (although I was not always), so I do know how it feels to be called “fatty”, as I have been called that. But I wasn’t making impressionable young children feel like complete garbage, simply walking into a store. There are times when it’s uncalled for, and times when people deserve a nice insult. ALM deserves them all the time! You get what you give.

  24. 24
    April
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I don’t think those girls cherish when either the mothers or Abby yells at anyone. I think they all have good hearts and just want to dance and be appreciated and compete and be with their friends. I don’t mind Abby doing the yelling during practice. I can get that like yelling about pointing their feet or something because it needs to be said and yes, if they ignore you over and over it can get frustrating. She needs to still maintain composure though.

    But the berating, the name calling, the taking out on the kids the anger at the mothers, that stuff is wrong. I did not see it last week what everyone was talking about about how the mothers and girls look dead in the eyes, but I saw it with the most current episode. I saw it and wow. Its bad.

    my catchpa is “No crying in baseball” or dance apparently.

  25. 25
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    HAHA @April no crying in dance UNLESS it’s Abby Lee or her star of the moment…everyone else might as well get their head chopped off for shedding a tear! Come on, they’re KIDS, and under an intense amount of pressure, of course they’re gonna cry sometimes! She is so ridiculous to think they wouldn’t. Abby Lee, on the other hand, needs to keep her composure, as do the moms. There’s a time and place to lose your temper, and it is not in front of the kids.
    I also agree about the whole yelling in class thing, of course it is going to be frustrating to teach kids, and all instructors will lose their temper sometimes. The way she does it is in completely bad taste though. There is such a huge difference between shouting out of frustration and belittling just to be mean, and she does the latter. Ugh, it just hurts me to see them being damaged like that. Maybe I should stop watching the show because it makes me so heated, but it’s just interesting to me, having grown up in such a similar environment!

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