Cows welcome us to Ohio, where Cathy announces to the Apple’s that she has BIG NEWS. No, she is not voluntarily committing herself. They won’t be seeing Kendall anymore because Shrill decided to “leave” Candy Apple’s. Apparently, she wasn’t getting the camera time she craved.
Kendall? Won’t see her no more
Cathy says it’s a shame because Shrill should have stuck around to see what the Apple’s have to offer. Of course, she has nothing to offer this particular week.
Wait – not so fast. They – the girls at least – sorry, Justice! – get to read for a part in Drop Dead Diva! I love how Cathy tries to make it sound like a casting director specifically sought her out. Although to be fair, there could be a casting director out there who specializes in talent from fourth-rate dance academies in northern Ohio. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
Back in PA, the girls are in a room reading scripts to prepare for their audition. In the studio Jabby is playing the casting director and Gia is running the camera. I guess that’s what the casting couch looks like in hell. Paige reads first, but it turns into a montage of all the ALDC girls plus the Candy Apple’s “auditioning.” Jabby says that she’s sure one of her girls will get the part. What are the odds?
The moms go to lunch to discuss Kelly’s upcoming birthday party. She hopes it’s not boring! Well, considering this episode is called “Worst Party Ever,” I don’t think you have to worry about boring. Kelly wants to have a signature drink. I thought “booze” was her signature drink. Christi says her signature drink is called “mommy juice” and ewww. I wouldn’t have pegged her as a breast milk aficionado.
Kelly wonders if she should invite Leslie to the party and the moms are all like “WHY???” Kelly interviews that she “feels like” she has to. Yes, that contract will get you every time. Christi calls Leslie the ultimate stage mother who would knock you down and steal your teeth if it were good for her kid. Christi interviews that Jabby and Leslie are similar “creatures” because they both want to dominate and be the boss. Maybe it’s that whole Fifty Shades of Grey thing that’s going around. Ha, that reminds me of one my favorite Cheers lines: “I’d hate to meet the wolf that can drag off Norm.” I’d hate to meet the guy who can dominate Jabby.
Christi announces that Chloe is going to be missing rehearsal that night because she’s on a school field trip. She admits she hasn’t told Jabby yet. Well that’s smart. Jabby loves surprises. Christi says that “last week” she let Chloe go to the movies so this news will probably “go down like the Titanic.” Good one, Christi. You could also say “go down like a crack whore at a bachelor party.”
The girls are getting ready for rehearsal, but Chloe is not there. Christi informs Jabby about the field trip and says Chloe will be back tomorrow morning. I never got to go on an overnight field trip when I was Chloe’s age. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Jabby is, as you would imagine, super happy about this development. She questions Chloe’s commitment to the group. Christi says she made a commitment instead to Chloe’s education.