Shrill says she couldn’t put up with them before, and she’s not gonna take their shit now. Shrill says again that she’s not there for her, she’s there for Kendall. Leslie says she was there for Payton but that didn’t work and it’s never going to work because the other moms are such bitches. Leslie interviews that she felt she had to warn Shrill that the other moms will “chew her up and spit her out” because they are “brutal liars.” Leslie says that Christi is a snake, Melissa is a liar and Kelly is a snake. Ooh, let’s play a game called snake, snake, liar. It’s like duck, duck, goose, but there are martinis involved.
Leslie asks if Shrill has ever seen the moms’ husbands and says they talk about them as though they don’t exist. Shrill says the moms probably wish their husbands didn’t exist. Then Leslie says that Kelly talks sexually about men and “it’s…pigs” Shrill interviews that she can’t believe what Leslie is saying. Seriously, what bee got up her bonnet? Does she really think this is helping anything? Leslie continues that Melissa might want to lose her “friendships, morals and marriage” for these women and says that Shrill has no idea how Melissa’s divorce happened. Huh? WTF is this bitch talking about?
Wait – I thought I was the crazy one
Leslie goes on to tell some story about taking her nieces and Payton to Melissa’s to trick-or-treat, but then Melissa made them take a ride to go to a pharmacy but really it was a ruse to meet the man she was in love with. Again, WTF? What does this have to do with anything? If you are going to gossip, at least make it comprehensible. Leslie finishes by telling Shrill she should find another group for Kendall to dance with because Shrill is “getting thrown to the wolves.” Thanks for that public service message, Leslie.
Let’s go baaaaaa-ck to Ohio!
In Ohio, Cathy is sitting at the front desk talking to some Real Housewife Wannabe. Cathy says that “someone” sent her tickets to the ALDC recital and she wants to know if they should go. RHW says “why not, I’m liking this idea of being on TV.” Cathy says that RHW has never been to an ALDC recital and she is going to die when she sees how awful it is. This from the woman who choreographed the Bee Dance.
Cathy says she’s going to bring her moms so they can take notes about what not to do. She thinks that it’s going to be terrible compared to the artistic perfection that is a Candy Apple’s recital. Cathy even scoffs at the tickets themselves because they are paper printouts. What was she expecting? Even freaking airline tickets are paper printouts these days.
Group rehearsal. Jabby says this recital is a compilation of the entire year’s work. Her rep is on the line for the entire city of Pittsburgh to mock. She interviews that today’s ALDC dancers are tomorrows Broadway dancers. More like tomorrow’s eating disorder sufferers and painkiller addicts, but tomayto, tomahto.