Previously: Payton and Leslie returned and the girls attended THE BIGGEST COMPETITION IN THE HISTORY OF DANCE, where they lost by one-tenth of a point. Oh, and Maddie did a secret SECOND last-minute solo, allowing her to “win” “two” “titles” “in two hours.”
The girls assemble and Jabby yells at them for being one-tenth of a point losers. She tells them it’s time to “cowboy up” and that their competitors don’t just want to win, they want to beat the Abby Lee girls into quivering, sniveling piles of humiliation. Kind of like what she wants to do to Cathy this weekend… but I am getting ahead of myself.
This week, they are going to Ohio, where they “might” see Cathy, Vivi and Kendall. Oh, how fun! Can we have a piñata party? Jabby says she expects her girls to be so hot that they turn the Candy Apple’s into apple pie! (Drink!) Then she says her girls are going to be the ala mode to the apple pie. Okay. That doesn’t even make sense. Are they supposed to be hot enough to turn the Apple’s into apple pie or cold like ice cream, hence ala mode? Oh, why do I try to look for logic around here? Nothing good can come of it.
So the group dance will be called “Land Unforgiving,” which again has nothing to do with anything, although Jabby says it’s about territory. She says they are going into Cathy’s territory to “stick a stake right into that beef jerky.”
Everyone will be in the group number, including some older girls who will be ringers, a move right out of Cathy’s playbook. Jabby laments that Cathy always tries to win by planting 24-year-olds into her junior dances so this time Jabby is going to fight fire with ringers and do the same thing. Jabby interviews that they haven’t seen the Cathy and her “filthy, stinking rotten apple’s” since New Jersey, where they beat ALDC by one point. She is out for revenge.
Time for the pyramid. Brooke is last and still on probation. Brooke appears to care about this as much as I care about molecular biology.
Honey Badger don’t give a shit
Mackenzie is next because Jabby told her to spit out her gum ten times – nine times too many. Next is Nia because she had a hard time with her turns and her legs were not straight.
Second row, we have Paige, who is also still on probation. Chloe is next because although she made a mistake in the group dance, her solo was good. On top, of course, is Maddie. But wait – there is still one more picture to be revealed. Maybe it’s Payton? Yeah, I bet it’s Payton for doing such a good job as the huntress. Jabby dramatically reveals the photo and it’s… Maddie! Again. Of course.
It’s like the broom scene in Fantasia
Christi snarks that Maddie’s picture is like a gremlin – you add water to it and it multiplies.
Jabby says that Maddie is on top of the pyramid twice because she won “two crowns, two titles in less than two hours.” Oh now it’s LESS than two hours. Pretty soon Jabby’ll be saying that Maddie cloned herself and was at both venues at the same time. That’s how good she is. Despite Maddie’s magical powers, she will not be doing a solo this week. Jabby wants her to rest, because apparently replicating one’s own DNA is exhausting.
Instead, Probation Paige will finally get to do her “Tongue Twister” solo and go up against Kendall. But Jabby says that Paige won’t get any teacher time to rehearse the solo because she knows it well and has been practicing it since last summer. This was the solo that Kelly pulled a couple of weeks ago after the chair throwing incident.
Jabby interviews that this is a solo that Paige knows well; that she entered it twice and pulled it twice. She says that Paige is going to be nervous, but she will be fine – fine! – if she just follows the choreography as given. I don’t see how this could fail.