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Chloe will be doing a solo called “Angry Bird” and Christi interviews that it’s no surprise that Chloe is doing a bird solo. First she was a black swan, then a raven. “What’s next,” she asks, “a peacock?” Is Christi really complaining about this? If Chloe weren’t doing a solo she’d be complaining about that. Obviously this is not real, but I hate that the producers are making her pretend to be upset something so absurd. It really detracts from the show’s credibility. (Hahahahahaha.)
Upstairs, Kelly says it’s “weird” that Maddie was on top of the pyramid twice because nobody else had the opportunity to do a second solo. Christi says that next week there will be three Maddies on top of the pyramid. Why stop at three? Pretty soon Maddie’s face will be plastered all over the studio and possibly a billboard along the highway. Melissa interviews that the moms are giving her shit, but if it were their kids, Jabby would totally do the same thing. She totally wouldn’t, but please don’t sue me, Melissa.
Melissa then claims that Maddie is happy she doesn’t have a solo this week. Christi and Kelly roll their eyes so hard that I can feel it at home.
Group rehearsal. Jabby brings in the ringers: Kathryn* from the elite company; Ariel from the teen company and Nina from the senior company. Jabby says their presence will “even out the playing field.” Because the Candy Apple’s are so superior, you see. They beat them by one point that one time.
*I’m sure she spells her name Qatharhynne or something, but I’m going with the way I like it.
Upstairs, the moms, led by Christi, are “complaining” about the use of ringers. Holly wakes up to say that it’s hypocritical because Jabby would be the first to complain about Cathy using ringers (see this episode). Christi says she is offended, because using ringers is basically telling the girls that Jabby doesn’t believe they can win on their own merits even though they’ve beaten the Apple’s every time but once. Or it’s fake bullshit drummed up by producers. One or the other.
In Ohio, Cathy and her new Hillary Clinton hair are screeching about a “surprise.”
But first, she tells them that this week they will be doing an Asian piece with “lotus flowers,” an Asian princess (Vivi!) and two “Ming Dynasty” warriors.
The surprise is that Cathy has hired two guest choreographers so she doesn’t have to take responsibility when the Apple’s lose again.
We finally get to catch up with Kendall and Shrill, whom we haven’t seen since Kendall went up against Chloe as the Red Queen in NJ. Shrill complains that at first Cathy was “gangbusters” to have Kendall around, but now, not so much. In other words, there is no reason to give Kendall special attention when the cameras are not rolling.
Back in Pittsburgh, the girls are taking a gymnastics class. Up in the booth, Melissa asks Kelly if she’s excited for Paige’s solo. Kelly says she’s excited for the opportunity, but she doesn’t think that Jabby is giving Paige a fair chance because the choreography sucks so much. Christi chimes in that her favorite part of the pyramid was when Jabby told Paige to beat Kendall but then said she gets no rehearsal time with a teacher. Kelly interviews that Jabby puts so much pressure on the girls to win, but instead of working on solos, they are learning gymnastics.
So this week’s installment of “Angry Mom Goes Down to Talk to Jabby” will be undertaken by Kelly and Christi. Kelly has “a few choice words” about Paige’s choreography and Christi has “a few things to get off my chest,” (i.e. she hasn’t had a lot of camera time lately).
They go down to confront Jabby at the front desk.
Christi asks why the girls are practicing gymnastics instead of solos. Jabby says that Chloe is weak in gymnastics. Then Kelly says that someone needs to teach Paige her dance. Jabby says that Paige should know her dance because she’s been practicing it since last summer. Kelly whines that Paige learned it for an hour last summer and it was pulled because the coshtume didn’t work. Then she learned it for an hour last week but hasn’t run it since. Jabby: “That’s two hours.” Heh.