Kelly’s McMansion. Paige and Brooke are in a bedroom singing Brooke’s summer song into a webcam. Brooke interviews that she wrote the song and is putting it on the Internet. Yeah, I don’t think I’d be leaving my daughters alone in their room with a webcam, but that’s just me. Paige says she is going to be Brooke’s backup singer. They are so cute together. It’s fun to see them interact like this, because sometimes I forget that they are sisters. The song however, well…I’m no one to talk. I still like Barry Manilow so I will recuse myself from commenting on it.
Next day, the moms and girls are chilling in the dressing room before rehearsal. They take a few minutes to make fun of Kaya’s “Black Patsy” moniker, with Kelly joking that Holly is “Black Holly.” Just then, Kaya and Nicaya arrive, and it’s super awkward. Finally, to break the tension, Shrill asks Nicaya what she would like them to call her. She says “Nini.” Kendall says, I think to Nia, that she will call her Laquifa now. Kaya and Nini do not look amused. Of course, I’m sure that was weird editing, because the conversation was stilted and unnatural. So Lifetime’s ace editors are at it again.
The group number rehearses while upstairs Kelly is saying she hopes Paige gets cleared to dance. Kaya asks where they will be going for Nationals. The moms have no idea. Then Kaya asks how they can have lives outside of dance if they have no idea where they’ll be going. The moms are all like, “this IS our life.” Kaya asks if any of them work, and Holly says she used to. Christi says she used to own a business, but has had to sell it. Kaya asks if they have nannies at home, and Shrill says “no, just really good husbands.”
Then Shrill says Kaya is a single mom with four kids? Kaya assents and says her relationship ended because of dance. Holly asks if Kaya’s husband didn’t support dance and Kaya says she didn’t have a husband, she had a WIFE. Whoa… record scratch! I never thought anyone could ever get these moms to shut up, but Kaya has managed it. They sit in stunned silence at this bombshell. (Momshell? I’ll be here all week, folks!) Kaya interviews that it’s like they never heard of anyone being a lesbian before.
Shrill is the first to recover and asks what “Black Patsy” on Kaya’s jacket means. Kaya says it’s a joke based on Patsy Ramsey (mom of the late Jonbenet) and how she was a crazy stage mom. She says that all dance moms have an inner Patsy. Once again, the moms have no idea how to react to this. At this point, I kind of like Kaya, because that is really funny in its WTF-ness.
Chloe’s solo is called Glitz and Glamour and it’s meant to represent the “new Hollywood” of “piercings, tattoos and somebody who would stab your eyeballs out and step right over you to get ahead.” Jabby says “that’s Chloe.” I’m sure Chloe appreciates being called an eyeball-stabber.