First off, I apologize for my tardiness. But I see that you guys have been amusing yourselves in the comments, so it’s all good
Previously on Dance Moms: The whole first part of the season happened. You can read about it here.
We supposedly commence right after the debacle in NJ. The girls and moms line up in the studio for the unveiling of the pyramid (you know, the thing that Maddie is on top of every week, no matter what? That.), but Jabby is nowhere to be found. Christi informs us that Jabby ditched them all in NJ after they came in tenth place behind Crazy Cathy and her Crazy Apple’s and after Maddie froze up on stage and ran off in disgrace. The moms speculate that Jabby is skeered to face them and they wonder if she will apologize to them, or at least to the girls. Yes, I’m sure she will. Why don’t you each give me $20 to hold and I’ll give it back when that happens.
After what Melissa says is thirty minutes, Jabby finally arrives (with Christi comparing her arrival to an approaching black cloud) and understates that “New York City” didn’t turn out as she had hoped. She congratulates Chloe on winning, but says that Chloe didn’t just win for herself. She won for Jabby, ALDC and the other girls. Way to go Chloe. Did you know that you were doing all that?
Then Jabby says she knows that Holly was upset with her at the competition for crying over Maddie and admits that she did, in fact, leave because Maddie messed up. Holly says that Nia and the other girls needed Jabby and Jabby abandoned them. Jabby says Nia had Holly, so she didn’t need Jabby.
Yeah, same shit,
different same season
Christi says Jabby should be the first to console the girls because she is their teacher and then yells that Jabby doesn’t care about anyone else but Maddie. Jabby screeches “SOME KIDS ARE SPECIAL!” implying, of course, that she doesn’t care about anyone else but Maddie.
Some kids are special. Unfortunately, yours aren’t.
But enough of this, Jabby didn’t call them there to discuss that. This week they are going to NexStar in L.A., where the skies are sunny, the boobs are fake and all the kids are superstahhhhs.
Time for the pyramid, which I have missed oh so much all these weeks. The List just didn’t do it for me. Last on the pyramid is Paige because she got tangled up in the sideways luggage racks they were using to depict jail bars. Wow. Shouldn’t Maddie be last since she freaked out and left the stage? Oh right, Jabby is genetically incapable of putting Maddie on the bottom. Next is Nia because she pulled on her leotard during rehearsals. Huh? Again, Maddie boned her entire performance and Nia is docked for pulling on her leotard during REHEARSAL? But surely Maddie will be next on the list, right? Nope. It’s Brooke, because she apparently didn’t have her pointe shoes on during the Joffrey audie. Wha? Did any of them have pointe shoes on? Do any of them ever dance en pointe? If so, I don’t believe we’ve ever seen it.
Maddie is on the second row and Jabby admits she should be on the bottom, but she just didn’t feel like putting her there. So there. Next is Mackenzie, because of her face and charisma. That’s my girl. On top is Chloe. As a result, Chloe will be featured in this week’s group number and she will also have a solo.
Mackenzie gets a solo as well. Jabby says that she entered a solo for Maddie, but she’s not letting Maddie do it because Maddie “needs to get her head on straight” and Jabby can’t trust her. There will also be a trio comprised of Chloe, Brooke and Paige. The group number will be called “I Want it Now” and is about entitled snotty Beverly Hills kids. From homeless children to entitled snots in one season – that’s why America is great, folks.