Maddie’s in the audience when they announce her name to do her solo. She freaks out and tries to go on stage. She’s crying and saying she doesn’t want to do it, but she feels like she has to.
Melissa holds her back and hugs her. She is really a mess.
Chloe’s up next. Christi says something about Chloe being at the bottom of her age division and that the odds are stacked against her. Oh shut up, Christi. All I have to say about Chloe’s solo is that I loved it.
I don’t know if it’s good choreography or good technique, but compared to the crap we endured in Miami, it’s like an oasis in the desert. Or something.
The girls are running the group number in the green room while Jabby screams like an animal. She interviews that no one knows her, her kids or her reputation. You mean the reputation that precedes you? Jeezus, Jabby. Get your shit straight. She then takes one last opportunity to make Maddie feel bad for not doing the solo.
What, no S&M costumes?
Jabby says the group number was cute, but she’s not sure if cute will get them anywhere. Christi says they did well, but she’s not sure if they’re up to California standards.
Awards. Mackenzie comes in tenth, which, considering she didn’t do her whole dance isn’t that bad. Chloe got fifth place. The trio came in third. Christi says they did well despite having bad costumes, choreography and music. By the way, is Kelly swigging a can of beer in the background?
It could be a Diet Coke, but it would be hilarious if it were a beer. (And this is Kelly we’re talking about after all…)
The group number comes in fifth place, so apparently they were NOT up to California standards. Jabby is pissed because fifth place is fourth loser. She says they should have just stayed home. She says Mackenzie was the only one to get a first place overall award and I have NO idea what she’s talking about, because we did NOT see that, and the results that someone posted in the minicap comments don’t show it either.
Afterwards in the dressing room, Jabby can’t believe they came 3,000 miles to suck so hard. She says individual parts were wonderful, but together they went to hell in a handbasket. She screams at Brooke about her lack of turning ability, causing Kelly to scream at Jabby to teach her how to do turns. They scream back and forth for awhile, just like old times. Christi says it’s insulting for Jabby to say the girls aren’t committed. Kelly tells Jabby the choreography is getting stale and and “maybe me and Christi need to go somewhere else.” Jabby gets right in her face and screams “CHRISTI AND IIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!”
I want to kiss you
Whoa. Is she on meth or something?
Kelly keeps her cool (relatively) and calmly tells Jabby “you’ve lost it. You’re stale.” Jabby says her stale is better than Kelly’s best and Kelly says “look in the mirror girlfriend.” Then she elevates the dialogue by saying “Don’t eat me, Abby. Don’t eat me.” Well, that was mature. Oh, wait. Why would I expect maturity on this show? Anyway, that’s it for this week.
Next time: Maddie cries; chairs are thrown and someone doesn’t come on stage.
Well, I’m glad our girls are back. The worst episode of Dance Moms is still better than the best episode of Dance Moms Miami, if you ask me. Was it just me, or did everyone seem more on edge than usual? Does Jabby really think so poorly of Chloe or is it just BS for the show? And is shit about to get real? (And by “real” I mean “producer-manipulated” of course.)
Anyway, thanks for reading and I will see you next week.