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Friday, March 22, 2013
9:35 am
25 Comments
Tagged: "Cincinatti", Bea Arthur, Bingo, Cathy's Nuts, Dance Moms, FREE VIVI, Jabby Lee Miller, K-Pop, Lifetime, Maude, Porn Face, ridiculous, Rosa Parks, SnoopK8, tvgasm, Two fucking hours, WTF
On the previous unnecessarily long episode of Dance Moms: Chloe was still suspended; ALDC sucked in Minnesota; Mackenzie may or may not have hurt her foot; Shrill hoped to exploit Kendall while she’s still young and pretty.
As they line up for pyramid, Jabby laments that they had to go all the way to Minnesota to be seventh-place losers and even her top soloist came in second. There is no end to suffering.
Mackenzie is last on the pyramid because of SprainedFootGate and as a result, she gets to ride the pine. Paige is next because she was good, but not good enough. Kelly interviews that Paige could win the Nobel Prize and Jabby would still put her on the bottom of the pyramid. Probably, but I guess we’ll never know unless the Nobel committee invents a new category honoring fourth-string dancers in the Pittsburgh metro area.
Brooke is next because she is lethargic.
She prefers the term “sloth-like,” but lethargic will do in a pinch
Finally, Chloe is back on the pyramid! She’s no longer suspended and the universe’s chakras have been rebalanced. Christi congratulates herself on not having told Jabby to fuck off in weeks.
Maddie is in the middle because she came in second two weeks in a row. Kendall and her brand new headshot are next and Shrill couldn’t be more pleased with herself. Naturally the other moms are annoyed that Shrill snuck out and got Kendall new headshots. But they are annoyed by everything so who cares.
Suck it, Olan Mills
On top of the pyramid we have Miss Nia! Go Nia. I’m sure it has nothing to do with this week’s dance theme. What is that theme, you ask? Why it’s about Rosa Parks, obviously. Or RosaParks as they say about 47 billion times this ep. Jabby says that RosaParks broke down barriers for “entire races” so black girls could famewhore themselves out to reality shows just like white girls.
They will get to perform this empowering number at Powerhouse Dance Competition in Cincinnati. Cathy and her Apple Core’s will also be there. Did you know that Jabby hates losing to Cathy?
Jabby warns them not to make assumptions about who might be playing RosaParks.
Obviously it’s Maddie, right?
But then she interviews that OF COURSE she plans to give the role to Nia, but Nia needs to prove she wants it.
All of a sudden, Jabby starts mocking Holly’s clothes and says she is going to “spruce” her up. I don’t know why Jabby suddenly wants to play human Barbie with Holly, but I’ve long since stopped questioning the shit that happens on this show, so we’ll go with it for now.
Back to business. Kendall and Maddie are doing solos and Chloe and Paige are getting a duet. The duet is not happening because Paige is good, but because Chloe has regressed so much that she is now down to Paige’s level. Both Christi and Kelly are pissed about this. For once, I agree with them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to shut up.
25 Comments
Dammit, formatting issues.
Well, I have to say Nia stole the show this episode. Not only was she terrific in the group dance, she took it up a level by her Rosa Parks presentation. No doubt Nia is the brains of the group! I thought Kendall had a pretty good solo and should have gotten 1st Place instead of Maddy with her tiresome dance. I thought Jill was hilarious in her quest to have her daughter play Rosa Parks…(obviously scripted). I am happy that Christi told Kelly to take a chill pill even though what Abby said was downright nasty. Chloe and Paige’s duo was cute, not something spectacular though. It’s funny that Cathy spends so much money on choreographers and putting up hotel rooms for her guest dancers, only to have them fail miserably. Christi was right in that Cathy needs to spend that money on Botox and a Nanny for poor little Vivi. Great recap SnoopK8!
Great recap! I actually had someone come to my area and be all like share what your smoking here laughey pants. Loved it. Your one liners are better than Christies and thats saying something! Kudos
I can’t even describe how hard I laughed at your Che Guevara caption. Free Vivi!
I love the idea of Dance Moms bingo!
Are they wearing teddies in the duet? I used to be a buyer for a lingerie chain and I could almost swear those are with Shirley of Hollywood, 7 ’til Midnight, or Dreamgirl. It’s been a while but I swear I recognize the print.
LMAO – Out of sheer curiosity, I went to Cathy’s website…the apostrophe lives on there!
I only saw the second half of the episode, but all I could think of every time I saw Cathy’s bits were, “Tell me again how it’s not her kids, her choreography, or her teaching, and how this is ‘representing’ Candy Apples?”
Aw, I’ll miss the “Candy Apple’s” sign dearly. Ah well. This episode bored me half to death. Remember when this show focused on the actual dances and girls? Me either. Yes, it’s “dance moms”, but there’s only so much of the same tired stuff we can watch week after week.
My mom commented that it’s so scripted now. Except for Black Patsy, who my mother thinks is legitimately crazy pants.
Re: K-pop: that’s EXACTLY what it is, sadly.
Also, besides the phrase “she’s setting my kid up to fail”, I’m getting reeeeally sick of “thrown under the bus.” I would not mind never hearing that phrase on this show ever again. Unless of course someone literally got thrown under a bus. In that case, by all means address it. And please let that person be Cathy.
I thought it WAS focusing more on the dances . I mean thats what we’re getting in these 2 hour episodes. The ENTIRE dance. Which is what I thought people were complaining about. That we’d get 40 minutes of the moms and 30 second splices of dances.
Anyone notice girly boy Zack/Zach was replaced by very hairy flexible boy at Candy Apples?
I’m not going to get a Bingo bc my card has Vivi Speaks on it and I don’t remember her ever saying more than one word incoherent answers to her mom’s stupid questions. Darn and I love winning at Bingo bc you get to call out BINGO like all the scary intense old ladies. (I actually won a Bingo once in Vegas and it made my day)
Kendall cannot rock the Sophia bun. She is much prettier in other styles.
I was about to say that Tapnfeet. Yeah I noticed. It was funny how they never even mentioned it. Like they think we either don’t care or are too stupid to notice.
I love the bingo. Too funny.
The setting Paige up to fail should be center free space because you KNOW that one is happening. It really is her catch phrase.
Cathy really has zero right to criticize any of the dancer’s simply because her daughter is so damn bad at dancing. It is not her fault her daughter has zero dancing talent, but if you are going to continue to have her dancing then that is your fault. Just let her do something else because it is freaking sad. Vivi already has a badonkadonk. She is not cut out to be a dancer.
K-pop is Korean pop. If you want to see what it is there are 1000000 million youtube videos of it that will all make your ear drums bleed.
i, for one, don’t care about the full dances — i watch the show for the bs fake drama with the moms. the show is called dance moms, not dancing little girls in lingerie. but even i think 2 hours of fake drama is too much. however, throwing vivi in is always amusing, though sad. poor kid, but cathy should watch out and keep one eye open when she sleeps.
People watch the show for different reasons. I like the drama and the dances. Some people just like the drama. Some just like the dances. Some like both. I guess they are trying out different ways to do the show.
Regarding Zack’s replacement this week, I had an idea that it might because of Cathy’s choreographer this week being Anthony Burrell, and on AUDC the only thing that Zack really struggled with was an Anthony Burrell hip hop number that in fact led to his elimination the same week…
Ooh good point Corinthia. I guess we will have to see if Zach comes back. He was not a hip hop dancer. But again neither are really some of those other boys.
Yeah I thought I recognized Anthony from AUDC and I am pretty sure I have heard of him before as a dance choreographer. So I think he is a legitimate choreographer. I guess he needed a new boat so he agreed to do some Lifetime work.
1) ya Nia!!!!!! She was so good!
2) WTF about a makeover for Holly. She is the only mom who does not dress like she is going to a cocktail party
3) LOVE the bingo! We need to have a Gasmi convention (i’ m thinking Vegas) and play!
Does anybody think they are trying to give Abby a softer edit. Less screaming at girls, she is really focusing in on the moms . I think their ratings are slipping and nobody found it entertaining to watch little girls get verbally abused by a beached whale. Abby was really pushing for a reaction with those duet costumes!
You might be right Canadian. Maybe they want to take from all the comments and have the girls leave the room when the mama drama starts like they have been doing and also have Abby yell at the girls less too. Overall I think that would be a positive change.
Hilarious recap!! I can’t wait to play Bingo next week, but we’ll never get the middle square because Vivi will never be freed!
Cathy banging her head into a wall of WTF= hahahahahahaha!! She is too bizarre for me. She shouldn’t be allowed to be near any children. I wonder if she has those boys from other places because everyone else has quit her studio? Wouldn’t surprise me.
I know a lot of you guys think Maddie’s dances are boring, but I think they’ve been beautiful this season. I think she’s matured and looks great. Sadly, I think Jabby is right and Chloe isn’t as good as she used to be. She doesn’t seem that into it any more. The costumes for the duo were slut suits. Jabby was clearly trying to rile up the moms. I’m glad they didn’t fly off the handle – for once Christi was the voice of reason.
The whole \Who will play Rosa?\ thing was just so fake. Shrill needs some acting lessons to pull that stuff off! Lame o.
Anthony Burrell is the bomb. He was also one of Abby’s choreographer’s on the dance challenge last year. He first came to my attention when he tried out for So You Think You Can Dance several years ago. He was the sexiest thing I had seen in a while. His audition:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rXaOxF78sjI
He didn’t make it, to the disgust of all the female viewers. I think he was too old and professional already. Nia was great in this episode. Jabby needs to leave Holly alone, as that makeover outfit was for fatties. That crap about covering everything up needs only apply to Jabby herself.
To address the kids leaving when the adults are yelling, I read that there are new laws that are making it mandatory that they have a tutor/teacher/over-seer on set when the girls are there. The “teacher” is to make sure the girls are getting breaks, snacks, doing homework, etc… pretty much that they are being treated well. This may be why there has been a change…
What ever happened to Justice? I heard he left candy apples for abby but if that were true it certainly would have made it to tv.
Jalens dad is super creepy and a little scary. He looks straight out of the ‘hood which is a hard look to pull off in the middle of Ohio lol. He acts like a total asshole when his kid is “dancing “(term used loosely, it’s more like spinning on his head and looking like he’s in a rap video).
I am not even talking about the kids leaving when the adults act like a bunch mouth foaming, rabies infected hyenas. I am talking about Abby hugging all the girls after their dances and giving compliments to all the girls. Not just reserving her kindness fir Maddie. On the dance front Maddie’s solos are better this year (IMO). I also noticed Maddie and Kendall’s legs look super toned and Nia’s legs aren’t so sloppy anymore.
That being said I think Kendall is a very sloppy dancer she seems like she is always rushing her dances and her heart isn’t really in it.
On that dancemom board I go to a poster on there talked about how Justice joined her daughter’s studio and is doing very well there. He just went to another studio not on tv.
@Prissy I knew I knew Anthony Burrell from SYTYCD but for some reason I thought he had been on as a choreographer. I remember him now from the auditions.
I completely agree about the Holly “makeover”. Jabby totally put her in fat clothes and Holly definitely does not need to be in fat clothes. IMO, out of all the moms, she always looks the best. Very classy. Some of them are so tacky…I’m looking at you, Shrill. I’d really love to know how she puts on some of that crap she wears, looks in the mirror, and says “Yeah, that looks good!”