On the previous unnecessarily long episode of Dance Moms: Chloe was still suspended; ALDC sucked in Minnesota; Mackenzie may or may not have hurt her foot; Shrill hoped to exploit Kendall while she’s still young and pretty.
As they line up for pyramid, Jabby laments that they had to go all the way to Minnesota to be seventh-place losers and even her top soloist came in second. There is no end to suffering.
Mackenzie is last on the pyramid because of SprainedFootGate and as a result, she gets to ride the pine. Paige is next because she was good, but not good enough. Kelly interviews that Paige could win the Nobel Prize and Jabby would still put her on the bottom of the pyramid. Probably, but I guess we’ll never know unless the Nobel committee invents a new category honoring fourth-string dancers in the Pittsburgh metro area.
Brooke is next because she is lethargic.
She prefers the term “sloth-like,” but lethargic will do in a pinch
Finally, Chloe is back on the pyramid! She’s no longer suspended and the universe’s chakras have been rebalanced. Christi congratulates herself on not having told Jabby to fuck off in weeks.
Maddie is in the middle because she came in second two weeks in a row. Kendall and her brand new headshot are next and Shrill couldn’t be more pleased with herself. Naturally the other moms are annoyed that Shrill snuck out and got Kendall new headshots. But they are annoyed by everything so who cares.
Suck it, Olan Mills
On top of the pyramid we have Miss Nia! Go Nia. I’m sure it has nothing to do with this week’s dance theme. What is that theme, you ask? Why it’s about Rosa Parks, obviously. Or RosaParks as they say about 47 billion times this ep. Jabby says that RosaParks broke down barriers for “entire races” so black girls could famewhore themselves out to reality shows just like white girls.
They will get to perform this empowering number at Powerhouse Dance Competition in Cincinnati. Cathy and her Apple Core’s will also be there. Did you know that Jabby hates losing to Cathy?
Jabby warns them not to make assumptions about who might be playing RosaParks.
Obviously it’s Maddie, right?
But then she interviews that OF COURSE she plans to give the role to Nia, but Nia needs to prove she wants it.
All of a sudden, Jabby starts mocking Holly’s clothes and says she is going to “spruce” her up. I don’t know why Jabby suddenly wants to play human Barbie with Holly, but I’ve long since stopped questioning the shit that happens on this show, so we’ll go with it for now.
Back to business. Kendall and Maddie are doing solos and Chloe and Paige are getting a duet. The duet is not happening because Paige is good, but because Chloe has regressed so much that she is now down to Paige’s level. Both Christi and Kelly are pissed about this. For once, I agree with them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to shut up.