Dear Tvgasm: Boardwalk Empire

(This week Dear TvGasm checks in with the kids at Boardwalk Empire. Everyone is trying to figure out a way for Donna Martin to graduate with the rest of her class. What? That’s Beverley Hills 90210? And that happened in 1993??? Wow I’m really falling behind on these things. So what’s this Boardwalk Empire about? Bootleggers? Well, that sounds promising, what? And Steve Bushemi scoring with hot babes? Hmmm, that sounds like someone is stretching my suspension of disbelief like it’s made out of silly putty. Anyway, if it’s an HBO show, then everyone on it needs help. On to the advice)

Dear TvGasm, I’m having a problem. This guy Nucky Thompson won’t stop making my life miserable. Hes always treating me in a disrespectful way, like the the time he told me good luck. Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Like I need his permission to have good luck. It got me so mad I set a county sheriff on fire.

Anyway, what do you think I should do about this? I’m leaning towards trying to murder him in some completely over the top way that you can barely show even on cable TV, but I’m open to suggestions. Please help, I’m running out of sheriffs to set on fire. 

Signed, What The Hell Do You Mean By That?

Dear Gyp Rosetti, Dear TvGasm will be the first to agree with you that people’s words can hurt. Unless they are used against Teresa Guidice, because she’s about as sentient as a gosh darned Joshua tree. Still, the important thing to remember is that even if your feelings have been hurt you need to let people know about it in a constructive way that won’t make them defensive. 

This is why you should think about maybe inviting Nucky to lunch to discuss your feelings, or stopping by Nucky’s home with some baked goods you prepared yourself. Either of these options would probably get a better response than burning down Nucky’s green house in the middle of the night.

Also, by talking about your issues you probably won’t have to worry about paperboys trying to shoot you will you are boinking waitresses while engaging in erotic asphyxiation.

Seriously, I could have gone years without knowing this fact about your character

Just give the manner some careful thought, and I’m sure you’ll come to the right decision.

Have a nice day

Dear TvGasm, I’m trying to work through some family issues. My brother and I have had some differences in the past. He was involved in a plot to have me murdered and I had sent to prison. Now, he’s looking to reconcile, and become more involved in my business. I’m torn, because while his wife is a good cook, and his kids appreciate my juggling skills, I’m having a hard time getting past the trying to kill me thing. What should I do?

Signed If I do enough nude scenes America will become completely desensitized to the the sight of my body