Dear TvGasm: Caroline Manzo

Watercooler

By WaffleBoy | Monday, October 1, 2012 | 11:00 am | 9 Comments
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Posted in: Dear TVgasm, Watercooler

(This week Dear TvGasm checks in with Mama Manzo from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, who sounds a little under the weather.)

 

Dear TvGasm, ugh. I’m am done. I’ve had it with her, and her awful mean, trashy, lying , story selling ways. I’m done I tell you, done! Now you know me, I never let things get to me. I try to rise above the garbage and just spend time with my loving fambly, but I just can’t take it any more. Teresa is garbage, GAR-BAGE! And she sucks. If it wasn’t for her we could have a nice fambly show. Well not with Dina, because Teresa drove us apart, but still, fambly.

Signed, Lauren, Don’t Even Think About Putting That In Your Mouth

 

Dear Caroline, oh you poor thing. yes, it’s been a long hard year for you, and Dear TvGasm knows just what you have been going through, and do you know why? Because we’ve already gone through this exact same story line before. Allow me to refresh your memory

Okay, here’s what happened,  during the first season of the show, you were totally minding your own business, and celebrating Albie graduating from college, what the? A Manzo child having a legitimate success? Yes, it was a crazy dogs living with cat’s time we were all living in in 2009. Anyway, at the party, you guys just happen to go online while the cameras were running, and look up this book that Danielle was supposed to be in, and ZOMG! She was such a terrible person, that you just couldn’t have her around your friends and fambly, which at this point still included Dina, because as we said they were crazy, crazy pre-lapbands times.

Case in point, Teresa was holding a book 

So seeing as Danielle was a coke sniffing scary stretchy face threat to common decency, you went to work like Santa’s bitterest little elf, and made sure everyone knew that Danielle had a druggy skanky past, watched as everyone turned against her, and then were rewarded with Danielle getting even more crazy, and her getting axed from the show.

The real beauty of your accomplishment, was that by getting certain other cast mates fired up (cough, Teresa, cough), you were able to stay in the background, and spend a lot of time telling all of us at home how you were above all this drama and pretty much Jedi mind tricking us for about two seasons.

Now jump forward to the beginning of this season. Everything was going great, well as great as things can go after getting in  big off camera brawl in the Dominican Republic, that you totally think was Teresa’s faulty, and then, Ming! You read Teresa’s new cookbook she was flogging and didn’t like her jokeses about you. (By the way, if I’ve taken nothing away from four seasons of Jersey, it is that no good ever comes from a Manzo reading.)

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About

Waffle's family would like to go on record and say he was raised by raccoons. You eat out of the garbage one time, and everyone suddenly gets judgmental. He's just going to point out, for the last time, with God as his witness, there was ice cream in that carton. However, the fact of the matter is he was born and has lived about 90% of my life in the Bay Area in Northern California. He's a long time cube monkey (office worker), who spends too much time trying to maximize the money he spends on his cable bill, and has a not so healthy love of all things that are dumb and fun, translation: needless explosions, cable neeckedness, and any time Steven Segal attempts to express human emotion only by squinting.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Had to do your own name calling! Ahhhhhh, priceless.

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    After what I just watched on the reunion Caroline is being nice and trying to help Teresa and Teresa just doesn’t get it.

  3. 3
    Popeye
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Right on! Caroline is a hypocrite! I’m sick of seeing her snarly face looking down on everyone like they are all beneath her! Ugh! I hope she’s gone after this season!

  4. 4
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Caroline brings the WHOLE cast down, Maybe jaclyn and everyone else would have gotten along if it wasn’t all intensly more motivated by Caroline, then Jacyln would be happier and her and teresa could have good times, and maybe People would have called her earlier for a story about her son to sell, because she wasn’t gonna give it up free. They’re all hypocrites, i hope Jacylyn and Caroline and Kathy Leave……….. appearently new rumor is Teresea isnt going anywhere, shes safe on housewives but they wont raise her pay, they raised Carolines but she refused since they fired Jacyln and Kathy. So i’m sure new negotiations are underway.

  5. 5
    KJN KJN
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    WaffleBoy, get outta my head! :) Seriously, can I get an amen!?! You “literally” (said in the style of Chris Traeger) just took the words out of my mouth. This sums up my hatred of Cowaline Manzo perfectly. So high-and-mighty, above-it-all, drama-free, and a million other things that have a – in them, but absolutely THE biggest shit-stirrer of them all (there’s another one). Whoever it was that said she was a bitter ginger with a twist of lemon face, NAILED IT.

    In the first season, she used Teresa to do her dirty work with Danielle. Being the loyal, yet stupid, friend that she is, she went after Danielle like a rabid dog. Once that was done, Teresa became “scum” and “garbage”. When she was going apeshit on Danielle, it was funny and cute. All of a sudden, Cowa was too good for her. Now, I never liked Teresa. But, my god, these people, especially Don Carleone, have done the impossible and have actually made me feel sorry for Teresa. God help me, I think I even kind of like her for keeping (relatively) composed when they attack her. And I think I hate Caroline for THAT most of all.

  6. 6
    NotWithoutMyTV NotwithoutmyTV
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    I hate Caroline because her face looks like a snatch.

  7. 7
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Let the church say amen! Waffleboy, you never disappoint. KJN, I also agree with evening you said. Caroline is my least favorite housewife. She sucks big time.

  8. 8
    giffordsaz
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    If I had to spend time with any of them it would first be Richie and Kathy.. Second.. Caroline Manzo. In my mind the other three.. I would not want to waste my mind and energy on them.

  9. 9
    Tre Parker
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Caroline Manzo is a hypocrite who bought her lazy ugly slob daughter a lap band rather than have her learn to exercise & eat right! I hate her because she wears fur, is obssessed with being the center of attention, & bought her disgusting clueless daughter a salon rather than have her train & work her way up at another place doing that dreaded four letter word called WORK! I hate Jac Laurita because she cries the blues about her son who she was too old to have in the first place, wears fur, lies about plastic surgery that she’s had, sells info about Dina Manzo to the press, and has a jaw that looks like a deformed Oompa Loompa!

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