The drama continued to build, as you and the rest of the girls became convinced that Teresa was selling gossip magazines dirt on the rest of you. How did you learn about this? By READING a magazine! (In the imortal words of Ron Swanson “That’s right. It’s on twice. Avoid it.”) So, once it became clear just how much of a monster Teresa was, you marshaled your troops, and let the shaming begin.
Now here’s where things kind of came off the rails for you, because Teresa never had the meltdown this season I think you were waiting for. When you and the other ladies told her she was horrible, she’d just blink a lot, deny it, and tell everyone how perfect everything was, and wander out of the shot. This behavior might have come as a shock to you, but then again, it shouldn’t have. Teresa has made a marriage work with Joe Gudice for over 10 years, and she could have never made that happen if Teresa couldn’t tune out reality like a book on tape.
It also didn’t help that without Teresa, you lost your go to source for blind reason-less rage, and had to fall back on Jacqueline, Kathy, and Melissa to carry the fight for you. You poor thing, you know you’re in trouble when you get into a scrap with somebody and “Ol’ Possum” Jacqueline is the one watching your back. Shoot, Jacqueline was completely worthless, because she shipped Ashley off to live with out of state relatives, when that girl was the only reliable weave puller in your whole crew
It got so bad you actually had to do your own name calling while you guys were sitting in mobile homes on vacation, and that was just ugly. I’m sorry Caroline, but when you were sitting there in the dark with your flinty little eyes and jowls all a quiver I couldn’t help but think that Richard Nixon had risen from the dead, and was walking the earth.
Now, we’re still wading through the fallout of
Stripper, Bikini-Bar-Gate *, but Teresa hasn’t seemed to fallen to pieces yet, and made it easy for Bravo to send her off to the reality junkyard, or as I like to think of it, VH-1, so what happens now? Well let’s look at a few scenarios, from worst case to best case.
Worst Case Scenario
Bravo decides nobody really wants to watch you be squinty and judgmental, while your kids fail on national television. You get fired, and have to hope that CaFace is a rousing success.
Odds of this happening? About the same as CaFace being a rousing success.
Less Than Worst Case Scenario
Andy Cohen sits you down and tells you that Bravo decides who is cast on the show. Teresa stays on the show and gets a mini-spin off six episode show because people started feeling sorry for her this season.