Dear TvGasm: Caroline Manzo

Watercooler

By WaffleBoy | Monday, October 1, 2012 | 11:00 am | 9 Comments
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Posted in: Dear TVgasm, Watercooler

The drama continued to build, as you and the rest of the girls became convinced that Teresa was selling gossip magazines dirt on the rest of you. How did you learn about this? By READING a magazine! (In the imortal words of Ron Swanson “That’s right. It’s on twice. Avoid it.”) So, once it became clear just how much of a monster  Teresa was, you marshaled your troops, and let the shaming begin.

Now here’s where things kind of came off the rails for you, because Teresa never had the meltdown this season I think you were waiting for. When you and the other ladies told her she was horrible, she’d just blink a lot, deny it, and tell everyone how perfect everything was, and wander out of the shot.  This behavior might have come as a shock to you, but then again, it shouldn’t have. Teresa has made a marriage work with Joe Gudice for over 10 years, and she could have never made that happen if Teresa couldn’t tune out reality like a book on tape.


It also didn’t help that without Teresa, you lost your go to source for blind reason-less rage, and had to fall back on Jacqueline, Kathy, and Melissa to carry the fight for you. You poor thing, you know you’re in trouble when you get into a scrap with somebody and “Ol’ Possum” Jacqueline is the one watching your back. Shoot, Jacqueline was completely worthless, because she shipped Ashley off to live with out of state relatives, when that girl was the only reliable weave puller in your whole crew

It got so bad you actually had to do your own name calling while you guys were sitting in mobile homes on vacation, and that was just ugly. I’m sorry Caroline, but when you were sitting there in the dark with your flinty little eyes and jowls all a quiver I couldn’t help but think that Richard Nixon had risen from the dead, and was walking the earth.   

Now, we’re still wading through the fallout of Stripper, Bikini-Bar-Gate *, but Teresa hasn’t seemed to fallen to pieces yet, and made it easy for Bravo to send her off to the reality junkyard, or as I like to think of it, VH-1, so what happens now?  Well let’s look at a few scenarios, from worst case to best case.

Worst Case Scenario

Bravo decides nobody really wants to watch you be squinty and judgmental, while your kids fail on national television. You get fired, and have to hope that CaFace is a rousing success.

Odds of this happening? About the same as CaFace being a rousing success. 

 

Less Than Worst Case Scenario

Andy Cohen sits you down and tells you that Bravo decides who is cast on the show. Teresa stays on the show and gets a mini-spin off six episode show because people started feeling sorry for her this season.

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About

Waffle's family would like to go on record and say he was raised by raccoons. You eat out of the garbage one time, and everyone suddenly gets judgmental. He's just going to point out, for the last time, with God as his witness, there was ice cream in that carton. However, the fact of the matter is he was born and has lived about 90% of my life in the Bay Area in Northern California. He's a long time cube monkey (office worker), who spends too much time trying to maximize the money he spends on his cable bill, and has a not so healthy love of all things that are dumb and fun, translation: needless explosions, cable neeckedness, and any time Steven Segal attempts to express human emotion only by squinting.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Had to do your own name calling! Ahhhhhh, priceless.

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    After what I just watched on the reunion Caroline is being nice and trying to help Teresa and Teresa just doesn’t get it.

  3. 3
    Popeye
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Right on! Caroline is a hypocrite! I’m sick of seeing her snarly face looking down on everyone like they are all beneath her! Ugh! I hope she’s gone after this season!

  4. 4
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Caroline brings the WHOLE cast down, Maybe jaclyn and everyone else would have gotten along if it wasn’t all intensly more motivated by Caroline, then Jacyln would be happier and her and teresa could have good times, and maybe People would have called her earlier for a story about her son to sell, because she wasn’t gonna give it up free. They’re all hypocrites, i hope Jacylyn and Caroline and Kathy Leave……….. appearently new rumor is Teresea isnt going anywhere, shes safe on housewives but they wont raise her pay, they raised Carolines but she refused since they fired Jacyln and Kathy. So i’m sure new negotiations are underway.

  5. 5
    KJN KJN
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    WaffleBoy, get outta my head! :) Seriously, can I get an amen!?! You “literally” (said in the style of Chris Traeger) just took the words out of my mouth. This sums up my hatred of Cowaline Manzo perfectly. So high-and-mighty, above-it-all, drama-free, and a million other things that have a – in them, but absolutely THE biggest shit-stirrer of them all (there’s another one). Whoever it was that said she was a bitter ginger with a twist of lemon face, NAILED IT.

    In the first season, she used Teresa to do her dirty work with Danielle. Being the loyal, yet stupid, friend that she is, she went after Danielle like a rabid dog. Once that was done, Teresa became “scum” and “garbage”. When she was going apeshit on Danielle, it was funny and cute. All of a sudden, Cowa was too good for her. Now, I never liked Teresa. But, my god, these people, especially Don Carleone, have done the impossible and have actually made me feel sorry for Teresa. God help me, I think I even kind of like her for keeping (relatively) composed when they attack her. And I think I hate Caroline for THAT most of all.

  6. 6
    NotWithoutMyTV NotwithoutmyTV
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    I hate Caroline because her face looks like a snatch.

  7. 7
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Let the church say amen! Waffleboy, you never disappoint. KJN, I also agree with evening you said. Caroline is my least favorite housewife. She sucks big time.

  8. 8
    giffordsaz
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    If I had to spend time with any of them it would first be Richie and Kathy.. Second.. Caroline Manzo. In my mind the other three.. I would not want to waste my mind and energy on them.

  9. 9
    Tre Parker
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Caroline Manzo is a hypocrite who bought her lazy ugly slob daughter a lap band rather than have her learn to exercise & eat right! I hate her because she wears fur, is obssessed with being the center of attention, & bought her disgusting clueless daughter a salon rather than have her train & work her way up at another place doing that dreaded four letter word called WORK! I hate Jac Laurita because she cries the blues about her son who she was too old to have in the first place, wears fur, lies about plastic surgery that she’s had, sells info about Dina Manzo to the press, and has a jaw that looks like a deformed Oompa Loompa!

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