Dear TVgasm: Niki Minaj

(This week is the spirit of spoofiness, phony twitter conversations and possibly fake beefs, Dear TvGasm listens to the problems of American Idol’s Niki Minaj. Please be aware that we will take a break from out usual format, because Miz Nikki only comunicates by Twitter©)

Because what could go wrong with this crew? 

@Glitterblu: Can you believe this this shiz?

@Waffles4life: What’s up there young rapper?

@Glitterblu: That ol QVC witch is beefing with me!

@Waffles4life: Are you and Miz Miriah still going at it?

@Glitterblu: I’m not doing anything but being grateful for what God gave me. She’s the one stirring up drama.

@Waffles4life: Okay, why don’t you walk me through all this again

@Glitterblu: I’d be glad to pour the TEA about this shiz.

@Glitterblu: So I show up for work, just wanting to help ppls be fantasical music starz, and Old Diva starts throwing shade like the drag queen she is

@Glitterblu: So I just stand up for myself and let everyone know this barbe isn’t taking that shiz

@Waffles4life: Didn’t you drop a bunch of f-bombs too?

@Glitterblu: I said what needed 2 be said! Besides, I told every1 I wasn’t putting up with her shiz

@Waffles4life: fine, so what happened next?

@Glitterblu: Well I think everything is settled, but she went out and got herself an army

@Waffles4life: Army?

@Glitterblu: Yeah, she started yapping to TMZ and even brought in Baba Wawa and Whoopi

@Waffles4life: Perez Hilton and two old ladies aren’t really an army

@Glitterblu: They are when you are dealing with the fame.

@Waffles4life: Wow, I don’t have a come back for that. Mainly because it;s borderline gibberish. So what happened next?

@Glitterblu: So she’s telling every1 that I’m talking about how I said I wish I had a gun and all sorts of other shiz

@Waffles4life: You with a gun? That seems far fetched. I can’t even see you with a gun.

@Glitterblu: What’s that supposed to mean?! 

@Waffles4life: huh?

@Glitterblu: Are you saying I couldn’t get a gun? Cuz If Niki Minaj wanted a gun she’d have a gun!

@Glitterblu: And it would be pink.

@Waffles4life: Would it have a a Hello Kitty face on it?

@Glitterblu: Do I look like Katy Perry 2 U?

@Waffles4life: Seeing as you’re not wearing a bra that involves revolving breakfast pastries I’m going to say no

@Glitterblu: Thks. Wait. What the hellz?

@Waffles4life: Sorry, just typing out loud

@Waffles4life: So you’re having a problem with a co-worker who is being disrespectful and saying untrue things about you in public?

@Glitterblu: What part of beefing do you not understand? So what do I do?

Dear Niki Minaj, Okay now this is kind of a tricky one, because of a couple of reasons. One the one hand, Mariah Carey once pushed an ice cream cart on to the set of TRL, she’s been hospitalized for that old Hollywood favorite “exhaustion”, you can find youtube videos of her on QVC where she seems to have only a nodding relationship with reality. Oh, and of course there have been rumors for year of outlandish backstage demands and behavior that make you start looking for a stronger word than diva.  So you could make a case that it might hard to pull eight hours working with Mrs Nick Cannon.