Dear TVgasm: Niki Minaj

Does this look like a high maintenance co-worker to you? 

On the other hand, there been plenty of gossip where you come off pretty thin skinned yourself young lady. And, then there is the fact that pretty much everybody besides the gang at AI is saying this whole thing is a hoax for ratings. And to make it more fun, your producers are saying nobody has been fighting at all, even though there is video all over the place, so it’s really hard to pick a side on this one.

The good news is I have some advice for you. I don’t care whose fault it it, or whether or not this whole thing is a hoax, whatever you do, don’t stop fighting.

Look between you and Miz M, you’re both pulling down about a combined 25 million dollars a season, and for that kind of money folks want drama, lots and lots of drama. I mean if people just wanted to hear about how great some tweeners’s spirit was or clinics on pitchiness Nigel could have parked Kara and Paula in those chairs for what he’s probably paying for your weekly makeup bill.

Don’t get me wrong, AI isn’t the only show with this situation. American Idol, The Voice, and The X-Factor have all either moved, or had the main emphasis on the judges since day one.  The Voice spends almost as much time between the judges talking with each other as it does with the contestants actually singing, and the biggest selling point for the X-Factor this season is to see if Britney will pull the full loony on camera.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive on shows about singing, but look at it from the network’s point of view. Even if you find someone with a great voice, who is super talented, at the end of the season, they walk out the door, and you have to start over from scratch the next season, and hope your audience falls in love again. Now the beauty of judges on these shows, is that your audience already knows them, and hopefully wants to see them three times a week. And it takes a lot of the hopefully out of the equation if there is a little beefing going on.  

Besides Niki, for every minute that Simon is telling Brittney she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, or you and Miriah shooting each other stink eyes, or Cee-Lo is showing off his latest animal he’s substituting for an actual personality, is one less minute we have to hear about contestant sob stories. (By the way, when Cee-Lo shows up with the boa constrictor draped around his neck, he will officially become that annoying guy you always saw wandering around the Quad at college. Only with super tiny arms)

When the bird pulls a gun on you, then this will be interesting