Oh, and I almost forgot, Lindsay Lohan got thrown out of the Chateau Marmont. Do you know what other celebrities have been ejected from that hotel? Nobody. Do you know how hard you have to screw up to get kicked out of the number one hotel in Hollywood to OD in? Well if you don’t pay a $40,000 room service bill like Lindsay it’s pretty easy. Man, 40 grand? I bet somebody had that Tobler chocolate bar in the mini bar. Never eat the chocolate bar.
Okay, we can’t talk about Lindsay’s year without mentioning that she slapped a psychic. The reasons are either, because Lindsay wasn’t having any of this hoodoo stuff around while she was trying to hook up with some boy bander, or because bad words were said by various people, or because sometimes you just need to slap a psychic in a bar. For whatever reason, this was exactly the kind of silly story horrible people such as yours truly like to read while they have their morning cornflakes, so thanks Lindsay!
So, all in all, a pretty good year for Lindsay Lohan, train wreck wise, and actually a very strong output considering we are in Lindsay’s eighth year of taking her life over the falls in a barrel, but what is on tap for Lindsey in 2013? Well, I think she’s probably going to jail. There were too many car wrecks, and hit and runs for there not to be at least one to end up in court, and if Lindsay ends up in front of a judge it’s game over. Sorry, she’s had so many second chances over the years, that if a judge cuts her the slightest amount of slack, it’s going to look he got pwned, so I think orange jumpsuits could figure prominently in Lindsey’s wardrobe in 2013. Too bad.
That brings us to our final question, what should Lindsey do in 2013, you know assuming she doesn’t go to jail. Well, call me crazy, but I think Lindsay Lohan needs to get married. If for no other reason, than she’s running out of ways to make money. I mean sure it would be wonderful if Lindsay met a great guy, and got her life together, and maybe started a family, but I think it would also be really great if Lindsay married some super rich guy, and than after a year or so got a big fat D-I-V-O-R-C-E settlement. Now you might be asking who in their right mind would marry Lindsay Lohan? Three words, Eur-O-Trash. If Tara Reid could find a husband in the old world, there is a man out there name like Spiro, or Alexi, or Gunther, with shady business dealings, who would just love to slip a big rock on Lindsay’s finger. And then after the inevitable divorce Lindsay could make her triumphant return to America, and spend the next 10 years slapping psychics.
Still, whatever the future has in store for Lindsay she had a banner year in 2012. Well train wreck wise.