Dear TvGasm: The 2012 Christmas Party

Andy Cohen: What’s that supposed to mean?

DearTvGasm: Ummm, say isn’t that Cher over on the other side of the room?

Andy Cohen: Cher? I love Cher!

[Andy Cohen scampers away]

Dear TvGasm: Thank God he’s gone. That was like staring into an eclipse.

Chuck Lorre: Hey pancake kid, don’t you  have any decent Scotch in this dump?

Dear TvGasm: Hi there Chuck Lorre, happy holidays! How’s life treating you

Chuck Lorre: I’m doing okay. You know, just dealing with another ungrateful crazy actor, who doesn’t appreciate just how good they’ve got it coasting on my kickass producing.

Dear TvGasm: And he got you a ton of free publicity too, huh?

Chuck Lorre: Tons! You couldn’t buy the coverage we’ve gotten over the last few weeks…say, you’re kind of a wise ass, aren’t ya?

Dear TvGasm: Not according to my grades in math and science.

Chuck Lorre: Whatever. We’re in negotiations with a serious young actress to bring in next season who we won’t have to worry about her embarrassing us.

Miley Cyrus: Hey Mr. TeeVee-man. Just one more thing. I’ll need a bigger trailer than I had the last time I was on the show. I couldn’t even fit my bong in that thing.

Dear TvGasm: Wow Chucky, you sure can pick them, can’t you?

Chuck Lorre: Oh stow it, like I care what you think? Anyway just keep watching, and watch the shows about lardos and nerds too.

Dear TvGasm: Right, I’ll be sure to spread the word. Hey, it looks like we’ve got more than just reality stars here tonight. A couple of fictional characters showed up from HBO.

Tyrion Lannister: Might I just say you’re looking fetching tonight my dear?

Sookie Stackhouse: Yes, I’m wonderful, and everyone loves me, because I’m so cute and plucky. Are any hot guys coming tonight? Like tall, hot guys who are vampires or werewolves?

Tyrion Lannister: I’m sure they’ll be in later. Are you hungry? Would you like something from the buffet?

Sookie Stackhouse: Why thank you! You’re the nicest little lawn gnome I’ve meet in ages!

Tyrion Lannister: Yes. Anyway, please don’t go anywhere because I especially want you to taste the eel stew.

Dear TvGasm: Ah synergy, it’s the best part of Christmas. Speaking of food. I wonder how my chef is holding up?

Guy Fieri:…and that’s how you make Donkey Sauce.

Gordon Ramsey: My God!

Guy Feri: Yeah, awesome blossom, huh Douglas Bro-cathur?

Gordon Ramsey: Here take this.

Guy Fieri: What is it?

Gordon Ramsey: It’s my producer’s card. Call her and in about two weeks I’ll show up at your restaurant with a film crew.

Guy Fieri: Fantastic! Then what will happen?

Gordon Ramsey: Then I’ll eat a bite of your cooking, and get the dry heaves. Then I’ll call you a [censored] ,and a [censored] and ask you if you’ve ever [extremely censored] a cow before.