Guy Fieri: I get that last one a lot, and then what happens?
Gordon Ramsey: Then I’ll root around in your walk-ins like the world’s angriest raccoon, and tell you the reason you’re a terrible cook is because your dad never hugged you as a kid, or some other treacly bollocks.
Guy Fieri: Me and my dad used to play hide and seek all the time.
Gordon Ramsey: Did he ever find you?
Guy Fieri: Hellz no brah, I was tots too awesome! Totally on the train to flava town even then.
Gordon Ramsey: I’m sure. Anyway, after that, you’ll do a dinner service and we’ll edit it so you don’t poison anyone on camera, and I will then declare victory and leave.
Guy Fieri: Coolio, and then what happens?
Gordon Ramsey: You’ll probably go out of business in six months because you’re a [censored] tosser.
Guy Fieri: So what do I get out of this?
Gordon Ramsey: Some new banquettes, and a mirror for over the bar.
Guy Fieri: Righteous Bro-nry-Higgins!
Gordon Ramsey: Oh come on, that last one doesn’t even make any sense.
Dear TvGasm: I love when great minds come together!
Barbara Walters: Young man, young man! I undastand that Lindsey Lohan is at this pawty and we need to speak to her.
Dear TvGasm: We?
Barbra Walters: Me and my sassy black fwiend.
Just like Oprah. If Oprah was white, had a speech impediment and had been around since the Coolidge administration
Whoopi Goldberg: She told me we were going to Applebee’s after work for drinks. Her treat.
Dear TvGasm: Well she’s around here somewhere. Lindsay! Lindsay sweetie, someone is here to say hi.
[Lindsay Lohan stumbles over and stares at Barbara Walters owlishly]
Barbara Walters: Young lady, I think you owe me an apology for canceling your intaview with me. It was highly iwesponible of you!
[Lindsay Lohan keeps staring at Barbara Walters]
Barbara Walters: Well Awen’t you going to say anything?
Lindsay Lohan: Holly F@#kballs, Elmer Fudd, you’re real! But wait, why are you old and wearing a dress?
Whoopi Goldberg: He, he, he, she thinks you’re Elmer Fudd too. See George Clooney wasn’t the only one
Barbara Walters: Can it Gail.
Whoopi Goldberg: You better check yourself Elmer.
[Dear TvGasm gets tapped on the shoulder]
Dear TvGasm: Why hi Steven Tyler!
Steven Tyler: Yezzzz, well tromaz and neeevyah, right? Heh, heh, heh.
[Somebody's grandma jumps in front of Steven Tyler and flashes her boobs]
Dear TvGasm: Holly f@#kballs Elmer Fudd! I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing that.
Steven Tyler: Yezzz! Hamma doddy bescuitie.Amirite?
Dear TvGasm: Umm, just a second somebody is tweeting me.
@Glitterbloz: Steven Tyler is racess.
@waffelknabe: Hey Niki Minaj, are you sure? I think he’s just having a stroke.
@waffelknabe: where you at Barbi?
@GlitterBloz: stuck at work party. SUXS
@waffelknabe: How so?