Is there no channel free of Kardashian?
My house is finally free of sewage, now that the entire basement is free of carpet after the Great Sewage Backup of CannedGinger’s House. I have all the litter boxes scooped…no lingering hairballs…yet I still can smell a faint odor. Where could it be coming from? Oh…Kris Jenner is on my DVR. I better get this recap up before the entire living room reeks of Botox, eyeliner and desperation.
I would love to pretend I know something about the Kardashians, but I have somehow managed to live a pleasant life without watching a single episode of this family’s numerous ‘E!’ offerings. My primary exposure is my not-so-secret OK, Us Weekly and Life & Style addiction. Since even the pictures in those rags are manufactured, I won’t claim to know the family at all. Based on the reactions of most people I know, even watching the shows does not guarantee any knowledge of Kardashian or Jenner personality traits beyond those manufactured.
Previously on Design Star:
In the White Trash Challenge,
Miera felt out of her league
Hilari wanted to throw more glitzy trash in at the last minute
Vanilla Ice demanded 15 more minutes of relevance
Rachel won, Jordan lost and Stanley was put on notice to improve his camera skillz.
The designers are hanging out in one of the rooms that was not ruined designed in week one, because who can relax while staring at the collage of trash or being chased by a giant moose head? Rachel is basking in two weeks of glory, while Danielle is moping in two weeks of second best.
Don’t worry, Danielle, Rachel is just being set up for a fall according to my Reality Competition Guidebook.
This week the designers get a Real Client*! We get some accomplished looks of confusion and inquiry from our contestants, someone’s acting coach is pretty happy right now…
Someone’s been practicing!
*Classifying Kris Jenner as ‘Real’ might be a stretch, but she’s real in the sense that Kris is a customer with bad opinions and taste, just like the Real World!
Kris is moving the family offices into a ‘professional’ building and needs help decorating in a high-glam style with lots of black, white and grey. Pops of color are welcome. Kris emphasizes that her business is all about family, because real employees don’t appreciate blatant manipulation quite the same way. Don’t make the rooms too corporate, designers!
Contestants will be picked by pulling magazine covers out of a KK bag (barf). Should I make a drinking game out of each piece of product promotion, or would it be more Klassy to take no notice of the marketing?
I am going to ignore it to save my soul.
Let’s see what the witch’s brew conjures up:
Kitchen: Danielle and Hilari
These girls are happy to work together! Danielle’s just happy to avoid Luca this time.
Conference Room: Mikel and Britany
The bitches are thrilled to collaborate again. I doubt we’ll see any drama.
Reception: Kris and Miera
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Best. Worst. Team. Ever.
Kris’ Office: Rachel and Stanley
Stanley sighs in relief as the winner is stuck with him.
Showroom: Bex and Luca
Since Luca specializes in high end bullshit, Bex can sigh with relief. Wait; is that relief or a Munch impersonation?