Carlos is making a sandwich and for some reason, he’s not doing this naked. This is the series finale. You guys deserve so much more:
So I’m gonna give it to you.
Over . . .
. . . and over again.
Carlos tells Gabby that their gardener quit because Gabby’s a demanding puta. Oh, so 15 minutes ago in part one when you said you were “proud” of her for “changing,” that was just a big fat slice of liar’s pie? Yeah. I thought so, Carlos. Gabby gets a call from work — she’s been promoted to head of V.I.P. sales. She’s worked there like two months. And they told her about this promotion over the phone. (Last episode forever, let it go, let it go.) So, yay for Gabby, I guess. She’s all nervous and wonders if she can do it. Carlos says she’s smart and talented and deserves this.
“Awwww. I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t say that I was pretty.”
Julie’s at her gyno’s office (or ob/gyn or proctologist or whatever — I don’t deal with the lady parts. I don’t know how babies get in there or how they come out and I am JUST FINE not knowing that), telling him that she’s been “craving chocolate.” Oh, a television joke about a pregnant woman craving food?! They certainly got innovative for this last episode! Or, rather, the opposite of that, Marc Cherry. He says she looks great and Susan starts to talk her up to Dr. Allegedly Single, telling him that Julie will be getting her Ph.D. soon and junk. After he leaves, Julie’s like, God, mom, stop trying to set me up with my doctor! Well, I, for one, think that should work. Single straight guys LOVE infants and instantly becoming a parent, right? That’s what I’ve heard. Susan just doesn’t want Julie to be lonely because “even single mothers have needs.” Susan says having kids is exhausting and junk and she’ll will be there to help raise the kid, so Julie can go to the gym and get hot again so she can date doctors. Or something. Susan says that it’s hard to find a dude when you’re a single mom and Julie brings up Mike. I was lucky, Susan says.
Yes. Yes you were.
Bree is over at McCluskey’s house, saying that it’ll be hard to say goodbye to her and she found the song “Wonderful! Wonderful!” by Johnny Mathis for McC’s funeral. But she only found it on CD, which won’t work for McC — it has to be on a 45 on a record player like when she was a kid. Bree says that it’s really, really hard to find those 45s, but she’ll keep looking. (Recapper’s Note: I typed “Wonderful Wonderful Johnny Mathis 45″ into google search and the first link was for a re-issue of the 45 for 3 bones, so I’m guessing Bree has never heard of the thing called the “internet.”)
“What is this ‘internet’ you speak of? Is it a kind of legume?”
Yes, Bree. It’s a legume. Bree gets a call on her cell; it’s Trip, who is apologizing again (I assume) but Bree says she’s not interested and tells him to stop calling. McC asks her if she likes Trip, but Bree says he’s a manipulator and can’t be trusted. McCluskey asks Roy to get her a phone number, because it’d be fun “to screw with peoples’ lives one last time before I check out.” Awwwww, sad! And funny! Funny and sad!
Katherine is over at Lynette’s house to finally get to that favor that may or may not involve some heavy petting, a k.d. lang CD, and rohypnol. Turns out that Katherine’s business is expanding and she wants Lynette to head up the North American division in New York City (of course). Since she and Tom are no longer together, Katherine figured it’d be perfect. Oh, but Lynette’s like, Uhhhhh . . . and then Tom comes downstairs and is almost ready for an interview (of course). Tom asks Katherine why she’s in town, she explains about Lynette’s job offer, and he gets a little mopey (of course). Lynette says she’s not taking the job and then Tom gets happy again (of course). Katherine tells Lynette that she’ll be in town for a few days so Lynette should mull the offer over.
“Oh, god, THOSE are you boobs? I’m dropping the offer down to $500,000.”
Rude! Gabby’s late for dinner and Carlos is upset because she didn’t call and let him know. But what she DID do is buy him a little sumthin’ sumthin’ to make up for it. Specifically, a really nice watch that would look good on that “big strong sexy wrist” of his. Carlos is like, Wow that’s nice hey waaaaaaaaaaaiiiiit a second — this is what I used to do to you — I’d come home late and miss dinner and buy you presents to make up for it! Gabby’s like, Oh come on, it’s no big deal! But Carlos is totally miffed and offended because he wants respect.