Time for the reception? Pre-wedding cocktails? Reception, I guess. Lynette’s on the phone with Katherine and when she’s done, she tells Tom that Katherine keeps calling about bonuses and incentives and Tom immediately gets pissed. Oh. My. God. They’ve been back together for about 48 hours and they. Have learned. NOTHING! From their separation! Lynette says that she’s afraid that if she doesn’t take the job then she won’t be happy and Tom gets all mopey like always and tells her that he’d do anything for Lynette if he believed that it would finally make her happy, but she “always needs something else to make her complete . . . And nothing ever will.” Oooooh, harsh! Harshness.
Trip has quantum leaped (quantum leapt?) into the wedding and Bree tells him that she was moved by what he did for McCluskey. Trip says he won’t beg for her love and forgiveness and Bree’s like, Why do you want to be with me — I’m a drunk whore! (And a Republican, let’s not forget. That’s the worst one, if you ask me.) Then Trip kisses Bree and all is forgiven by Bree’s lady-boner. They’re going to dance at the wedding and then go on dates and junk. Mr. Six Episode Trip is the love of Bree’s life. I guess.
Gabby asks Carlos to tango with her on the dance floor, but she’s also still upset because of the gardener thing because her fling with underage John Rowland was the worst mistake of her life.
“I beg to differ.”
Yeah, Gabby — just ask Victor about your trip on the S.S. Whack-a-Mayor and see what your worst mistake was. Oh, you can’t, because he’s dead. By doing what he did, Carlos just sent those shameful and horny feelings right back to her. Carlos says that he’s sorry and doesn’t want to go back to their season one relationship of isolation and banging underage kids. Or nuns. Or Chinese girls.
Or Edie Britt.
Oh, Edie. Wisteria Lane has not been the same since Orson caused you to run into a pole and then get out of your car only to get electrocuted and die. They tried to fill the void but, alas, they could not. And because you will not receive a proper farewell during this episode, I salute you, Edie Britt, you delicious slut. You’re up in heaven making Jesus buy you shots of Jack now . . .
Gabby says they argue a lot and wonders how other couples waltz through life. Carlos is all, We don’t waltz — “We tango.” Awwww. Sweet and totally f**king true.
Julie’s at the hospital, in one of those calm phases of labor that I think only exist on television. Her doc comes in, fresh off the basketball court, to tell her he’s going to prep for the birthin’. When he leaves, Susan again tries to get Julie to get with the doc and Julie tells Susan not to be lame and then asks her if she thinks she’ll ever love again. Susan says that she has such wonderful memories of Mike, Julie, M.J., and her friends. Does she have one last hot romance left in her? “Maybe.” But she says that she can always “wrap herself up in her memories” and be comforted. Awwww. You sure you want to do that with ALL your memories, Mayer?
“Wrap yourself up in THESE, bitch!!”
Lee and Bob are giving a toast at the wedding. Bob is not naked. We deserve better, don’t we?
We really, really do.
Also, this is random, but look how hot Caleb Applewhite (the mentally challenged Applewhite (the second actor who played him)) is:
Also, DAMN! Geez. Anyway, Bob and Lee finish up their toast and pass the mic to Lynette for hers. She talks about how Renee and Ben found their happiness. But then, Lynette says, looking at Tom, that you forget about that happiness and think about what else you want and what else will make you happy. But nothing else will work because “that hole in your heart that you’re trying to fill is already filled.” With chocolate-y goodness! Or not. “Don’t ever forget, always remember how much you wanted to be loved and how much you ARE loved.” If you can do that, Lynette adds, you’ll realize that you’re already happy. Awwwwwww! Touching! My allergies are acting up again! Somebody get me a Claritin!