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Later on, Tom pulls Lynette aside and asks her if she meant what she said. Lynette says that she did and that she’s happy where she is right now. Tom says that she could probably be happy anywhere . . . Even New York. Awwwww! But kind of annoying, since Tom threw one of his hissies like 10 seconds ago — LET IT GO, LET IT GO!
Speaking of letting go, Roy puts on the “Wonderful! Wonderful!” 45 for McCluskey to listen to again. Okay, this song is great and lovely, but ever since that “Home” episode of “The X-Files,” it’s really hard for me to listen to it without picturing that, so I’m envious of those of you who have not seen it. So, if you have seen “Home,” be like me and mute your television and play Rebecca Black’s “Friday” over this scene instead. You won’t regret it.
So, the Johnny Mathis song plays while Renee and Ben run through the procession (I’m happy for them, I’ll admit it); while Julie’s giving birth; while Tom, Lynette, and Porter run through the hospital; while McCluskey closes her eyes and quietly passes away; while Julie’s baby is presented to her; while Bree gets a phone call; while Carlos and Gabby dance with their daughters (that one was the one that started the waterworks, people), while Bree and Trip arrive at McCluskey’s to see Roy kiss McCluskey one last time (annnnd tears). It’s a very, very touching and nicely done scene.
Moving day for Susan! And a cameo from someone, perhaps?
But before Susan can leave, she has one last poker game with her friends AND OHMIGOD THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE EVER OF DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES!! Nooooooooooo! WAAAAAAHHH! Susan tells Gabby that for the last ten years, whenever she’s bluffing, she taps the side of her wine glass. Bree says that it might be the last time they all play poker together since Susan is moving and Lynette may take the job in New York. Lynette says they’ll still get together, but Gabby says that she’s always had a fantasy of the ladies staying on Wisteria Lane and growing old together (except Gabby will “stay gorgeous while the three of [them] age horribly.” Hee!) Then Gabby laughs a very hearty laugh, which I love because it seems like it’s coming from Eva Longoria and is really, truly heartfelt AND OHMIGOD THIS SHOW IS ALMOST OVER FOREVER!! Susan says that some people never even get to know their neighbors but they’ve shared everything and they’re really lucky. Lynette makes them promise that they’ll play poker again . . . But Mary Alice says that “sadly, it was not meant to be.” Sad . . .
She says that Lynette and Tom left for New York 4 weeks later, where Lynette was a CEO, where they bought a condo overlooking Central Park — where she’d take her 6 grandchildren and yell at them.
Mary Alice tells us that the next year, after Carlos helped Gabby develop a personal shopping website, the Solis family moved from Wisteria Lane as well. SAD!!! They moved to California, where Gabby has her own home shopping network show. They “argued happily ever after.”
Bree, Mary Alice adds, left Fairview two years later with her husband, Trip (I’m okay with it, I guess). They moved to Louisville where Bree joined a conservative women’s club, followed by a push into local politics by Trip, followed by an appointment to the Kentucky state legislature. I’m going to politely ignore the little voice in my head that’s saying, “Um, given Bree’s completely and utterly insane past, she got elected in Kentucky?! For reals?” BECAUSE IT’S THE LAST EPISODE EVER.
“But Susan Delfino was the first to leave Wisteria Lane,” Mary Alice adds. “And this is how it ended. She introduced herself to the woman who was moving in . . .” The woman’s name is Jennifer and Susan hopes that she’ll be happy there. Jennifer says that Steve (husband? Fiancee? Cat?) is excited to live in the suburbs, but she’s worried that it’s going to be boring. Susan tells her that Wisteria Lane is a lot of things, but “boring is not one them.” You can say that again!
Yeah, Susan — don’t. It’s just a saying. Susan gets to her car and asks M.J. and Julie (and the new baby, I guess) if it’s okay if she takes one last spin around the block. They’re cool with it. Take it home for the last time, Mary Alice (SAD!): “As Susan left her driveway, she had a feeling she was being watched. And she was. The ghosts of people who have been a part of Wisteria Lane were gazing on her as she passed. They watched her as they watch everyone, always hoping the living could learn to put aside rage and sorrow, bitterness and regret. These ghosts watch, wanting people to remember that even the most desperate life is oh-so-wonderful.”