Got a dream, Kroy! Got a song! Paint your baby momma and come along…as the wheels (and clothes) come off this tarted-up wagon. The only thing left will be the fringed wig on top. Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin in a musical isn’t as absurd as this show.
OMG! Clint, look! No, don’t look! Wait, look! No, don’t look!
Like the other episodes, this one also opens with Kim talking to K.J. This week’s topic is Jen the slacker while Kim prepares K.J.’s bath. I want to know when was the last time that anyone saw the nanny because she’s obviously missing.
Ma’am, we’ve discovered an escape hatch with nanny uniforms in your pool.
Kim tells K.J. how helpful mommy’s assistant, Niki, has been helping her prepare for the big day. Me thinks an important plot line is being set up here. Plus, Niki bought K.J. all of those adorable toys being dangled like Blanket from a hotel balcony.
What phone bill? I swear, I don’t know anything about calls for a taxi to the airport.
With only four days until the wedding, workers are constructing huge tents on Kim’s lawn. When Alexis–Colin Cowie’s assistant–is approached by Kim about the circus tents, Alexis asks Kim if she’s already drinking. By the tone of Alexis’ question, there’s got to be some background here that we are missing–or she’s peeked into the glass recycling bin.
Kim says she will not get married under a tent. Despite Alexis telling Kim that the tent will have thousands of dripping flowers and candles–that’s hot!–and has been the “rain plan” all along, Kim stands firm that the tents must go. Kim tells the camera that she thought the tent was for people to dance under, not for Kroy to sign away his fortune under.
Please make her shut up! How can she drink so much without passing out?!?
Alexis tries to get Kim to think about her guests in case it will be rainy or cold, but Kim doesn’t care. Weaves be damned, there will be no tent. Kim calls out Niki for her opinion about the tents. Niki says that the tent is like on crack. How unfortunate since crack is so passé these days.
Kim tells Alexis to send everyone away and get those offending tents taken down. Kim will just eat the money already spent to erect the tents and take a chance that it won’t rain. Kim says it won’t rain, ’cause God has her covered, to trust her.
Up next, Kim is getting her body painted with the likeness of Kroy’s jersey. The makeup artist is using petals to coverup her nipples and asks Kim if she has gum drops or raisins. According to Kim, she has raisins. Kim says she has racked her brain trying to think of a wedding gift for Kroy. She mentions how brides normally get photos in cheesy lingerie, but she is so much classier than that. Looking at the ridiculous pictures of topless Kim and Kroy lining the walls of their home that assault the senses of unsuspecting guests (such as his family), I think she has struck gold–literally.
Damn, you’re not gum drops or raisins. How about cantaloupes or watermelons?
Jen is supposed to be there for the photo shoot. While complaining that Jen is late, the makeup artist seems a little surprised that she wants her friend there, and that anyone would ever agree to that. I’m pretty sure no one would be surprised if Jen is late because she’s knocking back shots of Tequila down the street to build up the courage to show up for this.
An unfortunately sober Jen shows up and when she enters to find Kim’s boobs staring at her, she tells Kim to put those knockers away. Later, Jen asks Kim how the plans are coming along. Kim tells her that she’s hundreds of thousands over budget. Kim snaps at Jen when she asks Kim if she’s getting nervous. Kim tells her she’s not nervous, but excited. Believe me, girlfriend, we get it.
I’m taking my car to a disrepair shop. I won’t be at your bridal shower.