Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding Recap: Paint Your Wagon

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Sunday, May 27, 2012 | 10:45 pm | 16 Comments
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Posted in: Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, Recaps

Got a dream, Kroy!  Got a song!  Paint your baby momma and come along…as the wheels (and clothes) come off this tarted-up wagon.  The only thing left will be the fringed wig on top.  Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin in a musical isn’t as absurd as this show.

OMG!  Clint, look!  No, don’t look!  Wait, look!  No, don’t look!

 

Like the other episodes, this one also opens with Kim talking to K.J.  This week’s topic is Jen the slacker while Kim prepares K.J.’s bath.  I want to know when was the last time that anyone saw the nanny because she’s obviously missing. 

Ma’am, we’ve discovered an escape hatch with nanny uniforms in your pool.

 

Kim tells K.J. how helpful mommy’s assistant, Niki, has been helping her prepare for the big day.  Me thinks an important plot line is being set up here.  Plus, Niki bought K.J. all of those adorable toys being dangled like Blanket from a hotel balcony. 

What phone bill?  I swear, I don’t know anything about calls for a taxi to the airport.

 

With only four days until the wedding, workers are constructing huge tents on Kim’s lawn.  When Alexis–Colin Cowie’s assistant–is approached by Kim about the circus tents, Alexis asks Kim if she’s already drinking.  By the tone of Alexis’ question, there’s got to be some background here that we are missing–or she’s peeked into the glass recycling bin. 

Kim says she will not get married under a tent.  Despite Alexis telling Kim that the tent will have thousands of dripping flowers and candles–that’s hot!–and has been the “rain plan” all along, Kim stands firm that the tents must go.  Kim tells the camera that she thought the tent was for people to dance under, not for Kroy to sign away his fortune under.

Please make her shut up!  How can she drink so much without passing out?!?

 

Alexis tries to get Kim to think about her guests in case it will be rainy or cold, but Kim doesn’t care.  Weaves be damned, there will be no tent.  Kim calls out Niki for her opinion about the tents.  Niki says that the tent is like on crack.  How unfortunate since crack is so passé these days. 

Kim tells Alexis to send everyone away and get those offending tents taken down.  Kim will just eat the money already spent to erect the tents and take a chance that it won’t rain.  Kim says it won’t rain, ’cause God has her covered, to trust her. 

Up next, Kim is getting her body painted with the likeness of Kroy’s jersey.  The makeup artist is using petals to coverup her nipples and asks Kim if she has gum drops or raisins.  According to Kim, she has raisins.  Kim says she has racked her brain trying to think of a wedding gift for Kroy.  She mentions how brides normally get photos in cheesy lingerie, but she is so much classier than that.  Looking at the ridiculous pictures of topless Kim and Kroy lining the walls of their home that assault the senses of unsuspecting guests (such as his family), I think she has struck gold–literally.

Damn, you’re not gum drops or raisins.  How about cantaloupes or watermelons?

 

Jen is supposed to be there for the photo shoot.  While complaining that Jen is late, the makeup artist seems a little surprised that she wants her friend there, and that anyone would ever agree to that.  I’m pretty sure no one would be surprised if Jen is late because she’s knocking back shots of Tequila down the street to build up the courage to show up for this.

An unfortunately sober Jen shows up and when she enters to find Kim’s boobs staring at her, she tells Kim to put those knockers away.  Later, Jen asks Kim how the plans are coming along.  Kim tells her that she’s hundreds of thousands over budget.  Kim snaps at Jen when she asks Kim if she’s getting nervous.  Kim tells her she’s not nervous, but excited.  Believe me, girlfriend, we get it.

I’m taking my car to a disrepair shop.  I won’t be at your bridal shower.

 

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

16 Comments

  1. 1
    Mme Frenchie
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 4:15 am

    It’s really too bad that Kim thinks only sexy, low class representations of their love would appeal to Kroy. The tee shirt painted on Kim’s humongous chest was downright obscene. On the other hand, Kroy seems to have turned his back on his sturdy, Montana roots when he fell so hard for the free-living, sexy trollop. Kim does have a great, funny personality, so I wish them all the best!

  2. 2
    Nikki
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Another great recap, BSL! Do you really think next week is wigless Kim? If so I will watch. I just can’t watch this show–I’m a mom, and I feel sooooo bad for Kroy’s mom! It’s not that I think that Kim is a really bad person (if self-centered, gold-digging, slutty tramps are your thing), but just that sweet Kroy could do so much better. I hope that Kim never gets mad at his mom and tries to get her out of his life…

  3. 3
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

    In the sneak peek of next week’s episode, Kim, Niki, and Derek J. were together and Niki suggested that she wear her natural hair. It showed Kim’s wig being tossed onto a chair. I think I recall it being discussed that people will finally get to see her natural hair. I hope they actually show it and do not pull a trick by showing her with some sort of cap or net over whatever lurks underneath.

    I fully understand that it is hard watching knowing there’s a kind family that raised this great athlete and seemingly nice guy. They probably pictured him with someone–anyone–other than Kim. They do have beautiful children, so I wish them the best for the kids’ sakes. I, too, hope his Mom is always in his family’s life, as she is awesome and supportive.

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Once again, BSL, once again! Funeeee Fun! But really! Bravo “not pull a trick” and tease us and then not show Dim Kim without the wig? Come on. They wouldn… um, never mind.

  5. 5
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

    If they don’t show it, someone will need to raid the petty cash drawer and take a road trip to pick up Sheree to finish what she started a couple of seasons ago. I’ll never forget them arguing outside of a restaurant and Sheree yanking on Kim’s wig and it wouldn’t come off, like it was stuck on there with Crazy Glue and duct tape.

  6. 6
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I feel sorry for Alexis and Jen! I also know why the nanny is hiding out! Kim is too much! Good luck Kroy! My word… :-|
    Great recap as always, BSL! :-)

  7. 7
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    BSL, PennyDreadful lives out her way. I’d love to raid petty cash and go west to enlist her help in finding the nanny. I’ve read lots of mysteries, doesn’t that qualify for an expert on reality tv?

  8. 8
    CJ
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Great recap, BSL. Those stills are priceless. Poor Jen, at least the other folks that have to deal with Kim get paid for it. Jen’s face seems to be saying “you want me to do what?”

  9. 9
    SMH
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:33 am

    I have lost any respect I had for Kroy…not that there was much to begin with. I always thought that he grounded Kim a little and just put up with her crap to a point. I guess i thought he was the voice of reason in the relationship. But the way he spoke to Jen on Kim’s behalf was just ridiculous. Being the matron of honor does not make you the 24/7 slave of the bride. Normal people have normal lives and normal responsibilities and normal cars that break down. GET OVER IT!!!! I guess maybe I can forgive Kroy his part in all this. I hear selling one of your livers can make you cranky.

  10. 10
    originalcyn1
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Cutting Kroy slack because he sold his liver……..Priceless.
    I wish they had some footage of Kroy’s family giving their take on things. If I was Kroy I would have died of embarrassment. If he has the balls to lecture Kim’s mom and her best friend maybe he should find some when it comes to Kim.
    Mother of the Bride is usually the one doing the hand holding and errands for the bride not the MOH. Since Kim’s Parents didn’t pay for the wedding she isn’t needed or wanted to be involved. The theory that if you don’t pay for the wedding you don’t get to invite anyone should apply to Kim too. Bravo paid for the wedding so why do Kim an Kroy get to invite anyone.

  11. 11
    Nikki
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Didn’t you know? Kroy is actually the bride’s bitch. Oy vey. His poor momma…

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    @BelowSeaLevel stuff like
    toys being dangled like Blanket from a hotel balcony

    means next time somebody asks you if you’re a poet, you either say yes or watch your tongue grow a bump.

    The apple butter was actually a great gift for a rich person. Specially in a big city. It’s the 1 kind of thing they can’t just go buy. Ma B’s a real nice lady!

    Kroy fussing at Kim’s mom and Jen looked staged to me. Plus it’s way out of character for every other scene he’s ever had.

    Not that the rest of it looks all that real. Just both of those story lines seem like last minute add ons that didn’t get thought about much.

  13. 13
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    @ kthxbai I loved the apple butter gift. I hope you don’t mind me sharing just how much and why I thought that was one of the best gifts ever. No one eats apple butter where I live, but I LOVE it. One time my son was traveling and went to a farmers market that had homemade apple butter and he bought that as my souvenir. I couldn’t believe it when she pulled out apple butter. I agree with you wholeheartedly that gift from his grandmother was amazing and I hope Kim appreciated it.

  14. 14
    SMH
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Anybody else think she would have been better off having her picture taken wearing Kroy’s actual jersey? Those boobies were not cute at all. Perhaps she will hold those portraits up as evidence that he needs to pay up for the next boob job.

  15. 15
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    @BelowSeaLevel That’s an awesome souvenir! You’re lucky. I don’t think I’ve had the home made kind since I was like 12. I’m the only person in my family that likes it too! Even including the 1s that know what it is.

    I bet Ma B wasn’t just being polite and nice though. Kroy’s probably the 1 that likes it in that house. So she knew it’d get appreciated. Does Kim even eat toast?

    I thought she went on a strict diet where the only kind of bread she can have is glazed donuts from the Krispy Kreme.

  16. 16
    vvica6
    Posted June 17, 2012 at 7:28 am

    What kind of wedding would they have had if Bravo hadn’t paid for the entire “Circus” This is not her 1st time at the rodeo,we all know that. It was staged from beginning to the ridiculus end,when Kim says to Kroy,”Lets make another baby”. She can’t or won’t take care of the 1 she already has,or her other daughters.
    Bravo admit you paid for this entire mess.
    vivica6

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