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RuPaul’s Drag Race! [Gentlemen] start your engines!
RuPaul’s Drag Race! May the best woman, BEST WOMAN, win!
Admit it, you sing along, too. Although, I’m a crazy enough cat lady that I might actually change “Gentlemen” to “Kitty Cat. DON’T JUDGE ME!
Anyway…Hello again, Gasmii! And I see we’re all so very glad to have RPDR Original Recipe back. The other shows are like Pop Chips: tasty enough and they’ll do in a pinch, but no one’s pretending they’re salt & pepper Kettle Chips. (Not a paid endorsement. I just really like salt & pepper Kettle Chips.)
The season begins, as it always does, with an empty work room. This year’s musical cue is “Clash of the Titans,” which segues into the disco beat as Detox [formerly Icunt] and her giant hat walks in, much like Willam made the first grand entrance last season. Which is appropriate since they’re buds. She acts, she sings, she dances she raps (this is true), and she’s performed with such big stars as Rihanna and…Ke$ha? Okay, whatever. One out of two ain’t bad. But she’s so sure of her superfly awesomeness that they may as well crown her now. That attitude and her friendship with Raja will stand her in good stead with the pearl-clutchers. Can’t wait for the irrational hatred and the rebirth of Heathers v. Boogers because that shit still won’t die.
Roxxxy Andrews is next, and my apologies for not giving her a shout out in the minicap. Roxxxy and her boy persona are adorbs and it was just an oversight because, Love. Her. Of course, she’s friends with Detox and they squeal and hug and are so happy to see each other. Squee!
Next up is the now infamous Jade Jolie aka Tristan Everhard aka Don’t Google That Bitch At Work If You Want to Keep Your Job. Of course she’s from Gainesville. She looks like a twinkie little queen I knew back in the day named Cherry Cola. But Cherry didn’t do low-rent, gay, Nazi porn. Jade lets us know that she’s serving tuna on a platter and, well, that’s not what I saw in a gif when I googled Tristan Everhard (thanks for nothing, sarcasatire), but she’s self-described as bubbly and looks like a Claire’s vomited all over her. Detox sasses her while checking out Jade’s ass.
A Barbie doll toiler paper cozy comes mincing into the work room. Oh wait, that’s just Serena “PokeSatan” Chacha, 21 from Tallahassee, Florida. Of course, she is. She tries to yap but Detox and Roxxxy just start laughing and hugging and generally freezing her out which she finds “annoying.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. This must be the bitch block in the intros because here comes Alyssa Edwards. She swans in like she’s Lola Falana then she tells us she’s the “Vanessa Williams of drag,” because she’s won pageants and been stripped of her title. Then she strings together a word salad that makes no sense. Her boy faces freaks me the hell out. It’s just so startled-looking.