Drag Race Recap: All T, All Shade

Recaps

By vallegirl | Friday, February 1, 2013 | 10:47 am | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Drag Race, Recaps

Once all the queens are in the workroom, it’s time for SheMail. Ru makes a lot of references to the posh neighborhoods in SoCal, then tells the queens that if they really want to make a splash in “RuPaullywood” they’re going to have to shake things up. Then pretends to have an orgasm in an earthquake. As you do when you’re sobbing hysterically because you live 25 miles south of Northridge and your bed won’t stop bouncing off the ground for almost a minute. Or maybe that was just me.

Ru signs off on her SheMail by reminding the queens they need to fake it until they make it then walks into the workroom in a lovely powder suit he probably mopped from a production of “Music Man.” Yakyakyak, Ru gives them the introductory spiel and runs down the same prizes as last year, only with a new cosmetics sponsor that I never heard of then tells the queens they’re going to have to dive in the deep end and be ready for their close up.

Okaaaaay?

As Logo’s website sucks so bad it makes me cry, I bought the season pass on iTunes. Which means I don’t get ads but I do get the episode uncensored. Win win! So let’s just get the Absolut ads out of the way. It’s a pretty clever idea to make it a “Ru Dunnit” with someone stealing Sharon’s crown and Sharon going to Michelle the private “dick” to find it. Michelle’s clearly having a blast and Sharon plays it off well, but the others aren’t as successful. And Phi Phi’s drag appears to be reverting to her pre-show slapdash approach. But it’s a step up from last season’s WTFery.

Back from break and while Jason stands watch over a giant water tank Shawn walks in Jade and I always marvel at his ability to wear those tiny briefs so low on his hips like it’s a perfectly natural costume.

Just realized he’s going to have to put this gig on his resumé.

They walk over to Ru and the “amazing” Mike Ruiz. (I kid, I love Mike.) She’s giggling and cackling and trying to brown nose (and you never realize how many clichés are double entendres until you have to talk about a porn star) but Mike and Ru just want her to get her bony ass into the tank to take her “Hollywood Splash” underwater glamour shot. Mike calls it an homage to Esther Williams and old Hollywood and Ru tells Jade to take note that there is no pee in the water and no one acknowledges it’s a straight up rip off from ANTM. Heh.

Jade’s flailing and trying to pose, but Mike points out that she would hold her breath in her cheeks and looked like a chipmunk. Jade tries to be clever and calls it “Helen Keller drowning realness.” Eh. Roxxxy’s next and despite her uncanny resemblance to Lainie Kazan, she works it and her legs look gorgeous in the photo. Detox is up next and she rocks the shoot even if her “boobs” pop out of the dress.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

21 Comments

  1. 1
    Dirty Bubble
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    WoOhOo so glad ur doing the recaps again Vallegirl!

    Early fav is Roxxxy.

  2. 2
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    I agree with the commenter in the mini who said that Roxxxy could be the first plus-sized winner. She is gorgeous in any form!! Of course, I always have a soft spot for the Puerto Rican beauties, too. Am sore afraid that Ass-lyssa is such a bitch they’ll keep her around to be the bad guy in the finale. Gag – and not in a good way.

  3. 3
    Lee
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    here’s the dish on Coco & Alysaa. Alyssa was decrowned apparently doing to much stuff on her own, and not being able to fuilfill the dutys of the winner of the pagent, Coco was the runner up, and got the crown when Alysaa was discrowned, apparently Coco was the one that let the comitte know what was going on, and Alysaa is just a bitter pill about it now.

  4. 4
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Agreed that Roxxxy could be the first plus-sized winner. Aside from Season 2, the winner of the first challenge has been in the final two – Nina, Raja, and Sharon all won the first challenge (I just rewatched the previous seasons on Netflix). Also, from certain angles, Roxxxy looks just like Shannel! I know that a lot of people found her to be a bitch, but it’s pretty hard to deny that she was GORGEOUS!

  5. 5
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Thanks for that, PP, I was going to ask if anyone knew the stats on that, as I too suspected the winner often wins the first challenge. Just like I suspected the \voted in\ contestant would be toast.

  6. 6
    TVKimmy TVKimmy
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    I’m so grateful for your recaps! I’ve been living in a hotel, because life is an unfair bitch, and don’t get LOGO, and I miss this show so much. So sincerely, you are appreciated. :)

    That pic with the Andy Samberg comment was spot on and made me laugh loudly. Kudos!

    My captcha was “keyboard cat” so that’s my excuse for any typos or sentences that don’t make sense. It has nothing to do with pain meds. lol

  7. 7
    TVKimmy TVKimmy
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    I have one request. If it’s not a total pain in the ass, could you label those runway pics with the queens name? Without watching the show, it’s damn near impossible to know who it is by pic alone.

    I do LOVE the judges comments you included though. :D

  8. 8
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    @TVKimmy, if you have access to wifi, the full episodes and Untucked are at LOGOtv.com

  9. 9
    TVKimmy TVKimmy
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Cool! Thanks sarcasatire. I owe you one. ;)

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Alyssa and Coco dragging out this thing is so stupid.
    Every at home knows what the fuck happened already, all we had to do was google.
    I wish someone would tell them to stop with the oblique references. Either come out with it or shut the fuck up. Damn.
    But that said I do love me some Coco Montrese. Not necessarily as a queen, but her personality makes me laugh.

    Still gagging (not in a good way) over the emergence of Tristan Everhard.
    But despite what I’ve seen on the internet (none of which can be unseen), I do like Jade Jolie alot.
    She’s gorgeous and so feminine in drag, and I love that despite her adorable facade, bitch is not one to be tried. Yasss.

    Roxxxy in drag is stunning and out of drag, is one of the cutest little teddy bear chicken nuggets ever. So cute. I just want to smush him.

    Alyssa out of drag is so disturbing. She looks like a less attractive Don Knotts.
    I remember in her promo picture, how I thought she was so gorgeous….that’s what a good angle will do for you.
    When Lineysha said she dresses like a dracula, I burst out laughing so hard.

    I forgot Serena’s diatribe about others being jealous because she was 21 and made it onto the show the first time she tried out, I wanted to throw something at my tv because bitch is delusional. Alot of people make it onto the show that really should not be there. Just because yo ass is on the show doesn’t mean that you are on the same level as everyone else there. RPDR always has a few cannon fodder queens.
    And I didn’t notice that she hugged her lederhosen monstrosity when she came into the workplace…I guess I was still trying to give her some kind of credit. If she purposefully put that shit together and thought it was good, bitch is even worse off than I thought.

    Monica BHz…you in danger girl.

    And Lineysha is perfect. She’s my pick for winner…Sharon and Raja were cool and all, but I just love a glamourpuss queen, and would like for one to win this season.
    I think Roxxxy and Detox will also be in the finale.

  11. 11
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    Monica is a stah!

  12. 12
    OhYeahMeToo
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    SOO Ready for Serena Cha Cha to cha cha away. To quote from one of my all time favorite drag movies, Torch Song Trilogy, “That queen gives me gas !”. Roxxy is adorable in and out of drag, Lineysha is just HOT ! Going to be a fun season with some really talented and seasoned performers. DeToxx has the potential to be the dark horse in the challenges. Will depend on what clothes they brought and what they are allowed to create.

  13. 13
    Lee
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Detox also apparently did porn, I’d post a link, but it’s pretty dirty. You can google it.

  14. 14
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:44 am

    @SarClassy, thank you. That was phab.

    I’m a little slow, so it takes me a while in a season to get all the queens, um…straight. But the right one won and the right one sashayed.

  15. 15
    badgerfreak
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 8:54 am

    Loved the Andy Samberg caption.

    My pick for the win is Detox. She’s my season 5 Raven. I can’t wait to see Jinkx falling asleep all over the place. I’m already over the Sharon comparisons. Let her be Alaska. These bitches seem to be out for each other’s blood more so than in previous seasons, at least in the first episode. It looks to be a great season!!

  16. 16
    PacoSauce
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Bless Roxxxy and Lineysha for being cute out of drag, because some of these queens are tough to look at when the make-up comes off. Alyssa struck fear into my heart.

    And I know it’s only the first episode but at least 6 of these queens are already basic as hell. I wouldn’t worry about “the competition getting serious” until at least the top 7.

  17. 17
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted February 3, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Thanks for the great recap vallegirl and yay RPDR is back bitches !
    So far, I have Lineysha, Detox and Roxxy as my top three.
    And I agree with you PacoSauce, half of the girls look like fodder this year.

    Alyssa is probably our new PhiPhi… that feud with Coco is already getting old.
    And I just can’t with Serena. I have never seen someone with so little self awereness.
    It’s gotten to the point that I started commenting everything she says with : No bitch… no !

    “My outfit is inspired by a movement called soft sculpture.” No bitch… it is not.
    “I’m starting with the details, just like you do when you paint.” No bitch… no !
    “You’re jealous of me because I’m 21.” No bitch… they’re not.
    “Panama is americans’ second favorite location for retirement, you should look into it.” Oh no you didn’t !
    And finally, when I saw the final result : Bitch, go to your room and change ! You look like the hate child of a dead poodle and a pinata !

    Seriously, everything about that look was terrible. I was so disgusted, it literaly made me gag.
    Let’s hope for my mental health that Serena is the next one to go.

  18. 18
    April
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Xouille: I think I love you

    I watched the first 10 minutes of the episode they sneak peeked today. It is already awesome. I am all about the Detox, Alaska, and Roxxy team. I love the three of them. And unlike the Heathers they just are friends but still talk to the other girls like Monica and be nice to them.

  19. 19
    Lee
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    I agree with Roxy & Linesyha being cute out of drag, but what about Ivy Winters, he’s hot as hell imo.

  20. 20
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    ^ Yeah, he is!
    I forgot all about him honestly, but he’s cute as a button.

  21. 21
    AlexUK
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Ohohoho, how the tables have turned in the space of several weeks…

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.