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Friday, February 1, 2013
10:47 am
21 Comments
Tagged: Alaska Thvnderfvck, Alyssa Edwards, beverly hills, Beverly Hills adjacent, Bob Mackie, camille grammer, Coco Montrese, Detox, drag queens, drag race, funny, Honey Mahogany, Ivy Winters, Jade Jolie, Jinkx Monsoon, LIneysha Sparx, michelle visage, mike ruiz, Monica Beverly Hillz, parody, recap, Roxxxy Andrews, rupaul, rupaul’s drag race, santino rice, Serena ChaCha, TV, tvgasm, vivienne westwood
Booze and manflesh time as the Pit Crew bring in their Absolut cocktails so Ru and Mike can announce the winner and Detox can hit on Jason. Ru makes a bunch of water puns that would do a vaudevillian proud then announces that Detox and her visible nipple won! Lineysha is not pleased but Detox says she’s floored and Frankenbytes some reality show clichés about being there to win but doesn’t let us know if she is or is not there to make friends. Then Ru sends them off to get some rest because in the morning they’re going on a Beverly Hills shopping spree. No one really believes that.
It’s the next morning and the queens are standing at a bus stop in their Pretty Woman drag. As Alaska in her French Foreign Legion hat recaps what we just heard a Star Line tour bus pulls up and the girls all pile on, giddy at the idea of a Beverly Hills shopping spree. On a Logo budget. Then, and this is new, they launch into a good, old-fashioned musical number to Ru’s latest song, available on iTunes. While the girls dance and lip synch, and I notice for the first time that with the right (as in wrong) makeup, Serena can look a lot like Shangela which isn’t making me like her, we see them wave to this season’s guest judges including LaToya (yay!), George Whatsthefuckolis, Joan Van Ark, Marg Helgenberger (really?), Mel B, Coco T (!!???!?!?), (Not Downtown) Julie Brown (!!!!!), and yes, Bob Fuckin’ Mackie.
That was fun, but it’s time for that shopping spree and the bus pulls up in front of Marco Marco, which is a real store. Who knew? I figured it was a fake store like all the fake cosmetics companies Ru’s been using. Camille Grammer comes out of the store and welcomes them to Beverly Hills (not even) adjacent but tells the queens that Ru’s waiting for them at the “VIP” entrance. Then she cutes her way back into the store and Roxxxy pops up in interview to give Ru the side-eye.
Even the backdrop wants to smooch Roxxxy.
Roxxxy tells us that when the queens went to the VIP entrance, on a pretty hinky-looking street in “Beverly Hills,” all they saw was graffiti, a dumpster and a big, sparkly, pink alien, or Ru in a big, sparkly, pink HazMat suit. They look the same. He welcomes the queens to the “slums of Beverly Hills” aka the real Hollywood and that since Logo’s a bunch of cheap bastards “Beverly Hills” boutiques are pricey and throw away better stuff than most of us have in our closet, they’ll be dumpster-diving to get the materials they need to create a Hollywood red carpet couture look.
Ivy gets off a quick and anemic whine about dumpster diving and they’re off. Ru hot foots it out of their way as they descend upon two dumpsters to snatch and grab as much material as possible. Coco and her freaky blue contacts gets her leg trapped, Penny elbows Monica out of the way and poor, narcoleptic Jinkx gets beaned by a dumpster lid. Penny gets the “duh” interview to let us know she’s not going to let any skinny bitches stop her from getting what she needs and then they’re done.
Hazmat eleganza!
21 Comments
WoOhOo so glad ur doing the recaps again Vallegirl!
Early fav is Roxxxy.
I agree with the commenter in the mini who said that Roxxxy could be the first plus-sized winner. She is gorgeous in any form!! Of course, I always have a soft spot for the Puerto Rican beauties, too. Am sore afraid that Ass-lyssa is such a bitch they’ll keep her around to be the bad guy in the finale. Gag – and not in a good way.
here’s the dish on Coco & Alysaa. Alyssa was decrowned apparently doing to much stuff on her own, and not being able to fuilfill the dutys of the winner of the pagent, Coco was the runner up, and got the crown when Alysaa was discrowned, apparently Coco was the one that let the comitte know what was going on, and Alysaa is just a bitter pill about it now.
Agreed that Roxxxy could be the first plus-sized winner. Aside from Season 2, the winner of the first challenge has been in the final two – Nina, Raja, and Sharon all won the first challenge (I just rewatched the previous seasons on Netflix). Also, from certain angles, Roxxxy looks just like Shannel! I know that a lot of people found her to be a bitch, but it’s pretty hard to deny that she was GORGEOUS!
Thanks for that, PP, I was going to ask if anyone knew the stats on that, as I too suspected the winner often wins the first challenge. Just like I suspected the \voted in\ contestant would be toast.
I’m so grateful for your recaps! I’ve been living in a hotel, because life is an unfair bitch, and don’t get LOGO, and I miss this show so much. So sincerely, you are appreciated.
That pic with the Andy Samberg comment was spot on and made me laugh loudly. Kudos!
My captcha was “keyboard cat” so that’s my excuse for any typos or sentences that don’t make sense. It has nothing to do with pain meds. lol
I have one request. If it’s not a total pain in the ass, could you label those runway pics with the queens name? Without watching the show, it’s damn near impossible to know who it is by pic alone.
I do LOVE the judges comments you included though.
@TVKimmy, if you have access to wifi, the full episodes and Untucked are at LOGOtv.com
Cool! Thanks sarcasatire. I owe you one.
Alyssa and Coco dragging out this thing is so stupid.
Every at home knows what the fuck happened already, all we had to do was google.
I wish someone would tell them to stop with the oblique references. Either come out with it or shut the fuck up. Damn.
But that said I do love me some Coco Montrese. Not necessarily as a queen, but her personality makes me laugh.
Still gagging (not in a good way) over the emergence of Tristan Everhard.
But despite what I’ve seen on the internet (none of which can be unseen), I do like Jade Jolie alot.
She’s gorgeous and so feminine in drag, and I love that despite her adorable facade, bitch is not one to be tried. Yasss.
Roxxxy in drag is stunning and out of drag, is one of the cutest little teddy bear chicken nuggets ever. So cute. I just want to smush him.
Alyssa out of drag is so disturbing. She looks like a less attractive Don Knotts.
I remember in her promo picture, how I thought she was so gorgeous….that’s what a good angle will do for you.
When Lineysha said she dresses like a dracula, I burst out laughing so hard.
I forgot Serena’s diatribe about others being jealous because she was 21 and made it onto the show the first time she tried out, I wanted to throw something at my tv because bitch is delusional. Alot of people make it onto the show that really should not be there. Just because yo ass is on the show doesn’t mean that you are on the same level as everyone else there. RPDR always has a few cannon fodder queens.
And I didn’t notice that she hugged her lederhosen monstrosity when she came into the workplace…I guess I was still trying to give her some kind of credit. If she purposefully put that shit together and thought it was good, bitch is even worse off than I thought.
Monica BHz…you in danger girl.
And Lineysha is perfect. She’s my pick for winner…Sharon and Raja were cool and all, but I just love a glamourpuss queen, and would like for one to win this season.
I think Roxxxy and Detox will also be in the finale.
Monica is a stah!
SOO Ready for Serena Cha Cha to cha cha away. To quote from one of my all time favorite drag movies, Torch Song Trilogy, “That queen gives me gas !”. Roxxy is adorable in and out of drag, Lineysha is just HOT ! Going to be a fun season with some really talented and seasoned performers. DeToxx has the potential to be the dark horse in the challenges. Will depend on what clothes they brought and what they are allowed to create.
Detox also apparently did porn, I’d post a link, but it’s pretty dirty. You can google it.
@SarClassy, thank you. That was phab.
I’m a little slow, so it takes me a while in a season to get all the queens, um…straight. But the right one won and the right one sashayed.
Loved the Andy Samberg caption.
My pick for the win is Detox. She’s my season 5 Raven. I can’t wait to see Jinkx falling asleep all over the place. I’m already over the Sharon comparisons. Let her be Alaska. These bitches seem to be out for each other’s blood more so than in previous seasons, at least in the first episode. It looks to be a great season!!
Bless Roxxxy and Lineysha for being cute out of drag, because some of these queens are tough to look at when the make-up comes off. Alyssa struck fear into my heart.
And I know it’s only the first episode but at least 6 of these queens are already basic as hell. I wouldn’t worry about “the competition getting serious” until at least the top 7.
Thanks for the great recap vallegirl and yay RPDR is back bitches !
So far, I have Lineysha, Detox and Roxxy as my top three.
And I agree with you PacoSauce, half of the girls look like fodder this year.
Alyssa is probably our new PhiPhi… that feud with Coco is already getting old.
And I just can’t with Serena. I have never seen someone with so little self awereness.
It’s gotten to the point that I started commenting everything she says with : No bitch… no !
“My outfit is inspired by a movement called soft sculpture.” No bitch… it is not.
“I’m starting with the details, just like you do when you paint.” No bitch… no !
“You’re jealous of me because I’m 21.” No bitch… they’re not.
“Panama is americans’ second favorite location for retirement, you should look into it.” Oh no you didn’t !
And finally, when I saw the final result : Bitch, go to your room and change ! You look like the hate child of a dead poodle and a pinata !
Seriously, everything about that look was terrible. I was so disgusted, it literaly made me gag.
Let’s hope for my mental health that Serena is the next one to go.
Xouille: I think I love you
I watched the first 10 minutes of the episode they sneak peeked today. It is already awesome. I am all about the Detox, Alaska, and Roxxy team. I love the three of them. And unlike the Heathers they just are friends but still talk to the other girls like Monica and be nice to them.
I agree with Roxy & Linesyha being cute out of drag, but what about Ivy Winters, he’s hot as hell imo.
^ Yeah, he is!
I forgot all about him honestly, but he’s cute as a button.
Ohohoho, how the tables have turned in the space of several weeks…