Hello again, Gasmii! And welcome back to RuPaul’s Drag Race – now 100% Panamanian Pomeranian FREE! Well, once they wipe her nonsensical message off the mirror and fumigate for cooties. BUT FIRST! Previously on Drag Race: Alyssa and Coco had a totally bullshit, not at all Dynasty feud because a “pageant tore their friendship apart,” Monica admitted to being transgendered, Serena got booted in her bony, little ass and the world rejoiced.
The queens come back to the workroom after Serena’s elimination and Detox is practically skipping into the room from glee while Jade smirks in interview that she’s “very upset” like we care. Detox tries to read the message but misreads it as “keep hearing light.” Which is only slightly less WTF than what she actually wrote: “Keep bearing light.” You know who Serena is? Otto from A Fish Called Wanda. So certain she was smart, so wrong in her certitude. Yes, Serena. Apes read books, they just don’t understand them.
Anyway, Detox doesn’t care that she was wrong because, as she happily sings out, the only thing she was hearing was “Sashay away.” Monica rehashes why she came out and everyone says they love her but that’s not why we watch Drag Race, so let’s watch Vivi…zzzzz. I’m sorry Vivie…zzz. Some queen asks Alyssa and her muffin top about what’s the what with Coco. Alyssa drama queens about winning the pageant but that Coco’s wearing the crown while pointing at a picture of Coco. Who in the what why? Coco actually taped a two year old photo of herself from a pageant? Wearing a crown? She “won” by default? I’m feeling sympathy embarrassment for her.
Anyone else seeing Gob Bluth in drag?
Meanwhile, Honey wants to dish about it, too, because some producer (probably the one responsible for making “Heathers v. Boogers” a thing) needs drama. Coco acts all coy and vague and dissembling as she says “They crowned [Alyssa] that night” but “things happen, obligations weren’t fulfilled” and “legally [she] had to do that.” And…SHADY! Alyssa gets prickly and reminds the room (read: Coco) that ever story has two sides and now it’s Coco’s turn to be a drama queen claiming that with all the controversy at Miss Gay America it’s a personal vendetta (interesting word, unless Coco doesn’t know what a vendetta is) and she has to get this off her chest. Huh?
Cheer drums welcome us to the next morning and while I personally like Roxxxy, Alaska and Detox, I will have to punch one of them if they announce Rolaskatox every episode. Just sayin’. No time to dilly dally, though. The queens barely settle in and swear “No more groups,” when it’s Shemail time. Ru’s clues (heh) are all about childhood and educational programming and I notice that Alaska has taken to wearing her bandana over one eye like Jinkx, so our little drag Andy Samberg has made a friend.
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