Drag Race Recap: Just Tell Us Who Won, Already.

Recaps

By vallegirl | Thursday, May 3, 2012 | 7:53 pm | 20 Comments
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Posted in: Drag Race, Featured, Recaps

Moving on and Ru tries to make a joke about how we’ll have to wait until the premiere of Drag U to find out WDWD, but the audience starts to turn ugly so time to bring out Willam to give the producer-authorized version of what happened. Pit Crew carries her out kicking and what is this I see?

She’s married, Pit Crew Shawn. Per Willam, hubby didn’t believe she was going to Europe to shoot some crappy horror movie, followed her to the hotel and kept having conjugal visits throughout shooting. Which is probably part of the truth since it is in the boilerplate contract that contestants are not to divulge they’re participating in the show, even if producers contact family members during shooting, but I’ll just leave it at that. Because let’s enjoy the splendor that is Willam:

Always plugging those stickers. Then Ru actually manages to throw Willam out of character by telling her that she was disappointed to have to let Willam go because she thought Willam could go all the way in the competition, and wonders if she has any regrets. Willam, showing why so many people love her, acknowledges she wanted to be flippant but after such kind words…just says she could win the next time.

Willam’s sincere look. Ru, sensing a kindred spirit, gets really serious with Willam, because this last question is important. Does she have anything to plug? Yes, a remix of her single and hands Ru a “scented” sticker. It smells like sticker. Heh. Then Ru sends her off with sage words of wisdom: Keep breaking rules, just not my rules.

Time to talk to Latrice Motherfuckin’ Royale.

The bigger hair really balances out…her big head. Since Latrice wasn’t exactly a shrinking violet on the show, her segment doesn’t cover any new ground but she does give us some words to live by, “It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall down. Get up, look sickening, and make them eat it.” Then she reads a sweet letter from a viewer who says her daughter is dealing with bullies at school by channeling her inner Latrice and Ru lets us know that Latrice will be on Drag U because Ru’s still got to make that money, honey.

You don’t have to tell Ru twice. And now…time to bring out the top three.

Did Sharon intentionally coordinate her hair to Phi Phi’s & Chad’s wigs? Ru gives them a moment to soak up the applause then launches right into asking why Phi Phi and Sharon had such a difficult relationship on the show. Sharon doesn’t even bother to filter herself. She says she can get along with almost anyone as long as she finds a redeeming quality, but she just couldn’t find one in Phi Phi. Ouch, that one’s going to leave a mark.

Even with your Ouija board? Phi Phi tries to turn it around and blame Sharon for her shitty attitude, claiming Sharon was condescending but she loves her now and Willam decides to follow Sharon’s lead and “coughs” Bullshit. Note, Willam wasn’t even defending herself at this point. Ride or die, queen! The rest just laugh, while the audience cheers and Sharon and Chad share a moment of “Oh no she di’nt.”

Seriously, look how cute Sharon and Chad are. Ru, wanting to lower the temperature of the room cuts to Chad to see what she has to say, since she defended Phi Phi throughout the competition. But Chad’s not going to be the mediator anymore and points out that she was never around for Phi Phi’s worst behavior, but was appalled at how personal the attack on Willam was. True to nature, Phi Phi keeps looking for external reasons rather than just saying “Yes, I sucked.”

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vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    Apri
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I didn’t know who the crazy face plaid painted queen was so thanks for telling me it was Raja. I should have known. His style is avant garde, but I am not always a fan of how out there it always is just to be out there. I know I will get my butt kicked for that because I know all you guys adore him.

    I so want Rupaul’s gown. I just would totally commit murder to get his closet.

    Alisa Summers was so pretty. I thought she was one of the prettiest queens this season and I would have liked to see more of her. Sometimes the first queen to go just doesn’t get a fair shake as far as you don’t see what they can really do in such a short time.

  2. 2
    Apri
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    No kidding about Milan not getting it. I was like “yeah right bitch you KNOW Rupaul ain’t gonna snatch her wig off!!!!!” Milan made a pretty drag queen, but yeah………the rest was not so much great….

  3. 3
    gun kata
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 12:17 am

    I know everyone thought the Princess was obnoxious, but maybe he was as horrified by Flintstones realness in the final three as I was. Or the thing Madame LaQueer wore that had Michelle swearing off green. Or Milan purposely tearing off his wig, dress, whatever else while PhiPhi’s wig, shoes, and boobs were likely to go flying to the four winds every time he did much of anything.

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:19 am

    VGirl, your recaps simply kept us GOING throughout the season! And this was your *ahem* crowning glory. You hit every highlight (and ya know that if you missed something one of us sharp-eyed Gasmii would call it).

    Gonna do the RuPaul U?

  5. 5
    sheesh
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I finally started catching up on this season. I wished I could have kept up with them so I could have been more involved with the comments…oh well next year.
    Please teel me you are recapping again next year vallegirl.
    PhiPhi was RANK. Ugh

    I am so happy for Sharon!

  6. 6
    Fan-Ann
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:12 am

    “The ends justify the means and basic human decency doesn’t mean shit as long as you get what you want. At least that’s what I heard.” Vallegirl, your take on Phi Phi’s philosophy on the stab ‘em in the back school of life was perfect. And kudos for calling it for Sharon from the beginning.

  7. 7
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Vallegirl, thanks for all the fabulously funny recaps! I’m missing the show all ready…all stars cant come fast enough.

  8. 8
    Jessi
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Ha! Chuckling at my desk, gun kata.

  9. 9
    WendyBird
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Thank you for all your recaps Vallegirl!!

    You better be doing next season and all stars! It’ll be fab and hopefully we’ll never meet anyone as awful as PhiPhi again!

  10. 10
    hutchlover
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Thank you, Vallegirl! It was a great season of reading your recaps. You even made Phical Matter more palatable.

    Can’t wait to see M*Fg Miss Latrice Royale on Drag U

    And I wish that Chad could’ve won as well. There’s something so polished, so elegant and beautiful about her. IMHO she just jumped over Raja as the most complete drag queen contestant. I hope to see her in person some day.

  11. 11
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Aw, thanks everyone. Your kind words are always much appreciated.

    And if anyone’s watching Drag U I will be recapping that, as well.

  12. 12
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I tried watching Drag U and just can’t get into it. But, I’m giving it another go since my Auntie LatriceMotherFuckingRoyale will be on it. I so happy Sharon won, even though I would have been equally happy of Chad won. I’m sorry while I understand PeePee is shorter than the other ladies, they still looked more polished/regal in their clothes than she did. I didn’t mention it in the mini-cap but Latrice looks like she lost a few pounds. I must say with Jiggly is much cuter.

  13. 13
    joker
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    don’t know if this is true but supposedly Sharon’s beer stein dress came from Party City – heh. looked on their web site and couldn’t find it but sure would be fabulous if it isn’t a fable. Party City should sell one. it was fierce.

  14. 14
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    We will be there. Here? It’s all so confusing. But we love you, VGurl!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. 15
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 2:21 am

    So happy that Latrice will get to be on Drag U. She’s perfect for that actually, with her randomly amazing nuggets of wisdom and fierceness.
    She looked so beautiful at the reunion too. Her face was much less orange.
    Also happy that she got Miss Congeniality, although I don’t understand why they only could spring for a ticket to anywhere in the U.S. She can’t even go to Canada with it? For real? That shit better at least include Hawaii and Alaska, because if they mean the continental U.S., I would have thrown a damn fit.

    Best part of the episode had to be when Willam randomly read Phi Phi for filth in front of everyone. The only way it could have been better was if everyone went in her face and screamed on her the way that she screamed on everyone else the whole season. And why does Phi Phi insist on wearing onesies all the damn time? Does she know that doesn’t have Carmen Carrera’s body and can’t get away with that shit? Also, this is Ru Paul’s Drag Race / finale/ bitch…put on a damn ball gown or something. She looked straight up foolish next to Sharon and Chad. I wonder if her momma is ashamed of Phi Phi’s behavior. Her face looked good though, I’ll give her that.

    Chad and Adam are the cutest thing I have ever seen. I want to go to their house and live with them so Chad can be my mom and Adam can design me ridiculous giraffe cutout outfits to wear to work.

  16. 16
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 2:26 am

    And thank you for the amazing recaps this season vallegirl!

  17. 17
    April
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I know Party City does have a beer stein costume or they probably do. I have seen them at Halloween. She might have fancied one up or designed it after that one. I thought it was fabulous.

  18. 18
    April
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I only watched one epi of Drag U and was also not a huge fan. Maybe I should give it more of a chance.

  19. 19
    gun kata
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Hehe, Jessi.

    When they get through studying PP’s crazy maybe they can then study why drag elements are always leaping off his body.

  20. 20
    Jeff
    Posted July 8, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I just discovered your recaps and they are fucking amazing. DEAD ON since the recap of the first show. Kenya constantly moving and being annoying, Jiggly mouth breathing, Willam being hilarious, Sharon rocking, Phi Phi never admitting or accepting fault – damn, you’re on!
    Bookmarking you, girl.

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